Authenticity when it’s so hard to be believed

I hate being snookered.

Last week I was trying to help a client by sharing a recruitment link for a research project. I created a survey to qualify (or disqualify) potential participants. I had shared it out with my network, and when I checked the form the next day, we had hundreds of responses. Yay!

Except, it turned out to be not so yay.

I started reviewing the responses, and I realized that the form had been spammed. It was likely a bot, but it could have been manual. Either way, it sucked.

Suddenly I had a spreadsheet full of junk, and I felt like a fool.

It’s that feeling of foolishness that really got me. I hate that feeling. But does anyone?

My face gets all hot and I tell myself I should have known better than to trust. But do we really still fully trust what we don’t know for sure is real?

I ask this because one of the reasons I spotted the form spam is because I have learned through experience not to trust responses, and I learned how to spot fakes.

For example, here are some of the emails and names submitted:

• CurzTyreseUKQ @gmail -- Dawn D Brinson
• JoostenJacquesCyZ @gmail --Ruth M Baptist
• ShafferChadwickbkk @ gmail-- Alonso S Vargas
• EugeneNuerteUlhgp @gmail -- Eugene Nuerte
• LeadererChuckqMc @gmail -- Evelyn S Tilley

I mean, it’s pretty obvious the emails were fake even without seeing the name. Very few of the emails I’ve ever seen use last name, then first name, followed by random letters in the address. Also, more than 90 percent of the submissions were sent from a gmail address. That’s a pretty amazing sample. (Ha!)

I spent the next hour figuring out how to add code to my Google form to help deter spambots. It’s not the first time I’ve had to figure out how to fight spammers using some tool and I’m sure it won’t be the last.

We’re so used to spam, that it’s more amazing when a legitimate email makes it through our filters than when a fake one is caught. Is it any wonder why people initially don’t trust the messages you send?

LinkedIn caution

LinkedIn messaging is a great example of a place where I am very cautious. A while ago, I was meeting with a woman who told me she never connects with people she doesn’t know. In fact she trashes anyone that cold connects with her.

I liked the sentiment because our networks are precious. But it might be impractical to meet every person in your network if you want it to grow.

Or is it?

I started reaching out to connection requests with my own request -- a short video call to meet each other.?

• Most people don’t respond. And that’s fine.?
• Some people respond and we set up a call. I’ve met some amazing people that way that I never would have met otherwise.
• Some people respond with their own skepticism and tell me it had better not be a sales call. (Yikes, I promise!)
• Then there are those who get on the call and pitch me. Like this recent person who agreed to a call but then booked it for her sales colleague. And then suddenly two other people were also going to be on the call. I knew I was about to be pitched, so I canceled the meeting.

I felt pretty irritated, but at least I avoided it. I wasn’t so lucky the next day when I showed up to a different one-to-one call and was surprised by two people who wanted to sell me development services.

Showcasing authenticity

I heard a really interesting question come up in a meeting last week:

How do I show my authenticity?

It was interesting, in part, because I’ve been pondering this very question for several months. I have all of these tools, but each time I use generative AI for content, I find it lacks soul and story. It doesn’t feel authentic.

But then again, if I’m editing the content, or I’m interpreting the generated results, does that mean it’s inauthentic? And do people care?

I always assume that I’m the oddball worrying about stuff like authenticity. After all, we have so many tools available to showcase the best versions of ourselves to the world. If people didn’t want tools like that, they wouldn’t be popular.

But if you’ve been thinking about authenticity like me, I can share what I’m trying.

Sharing memories and real, specific stories

If you’ve been reading Awkward Silence for a while or you’re on the Standard Beagle newsletter list, you might have noticed that since the beginning of the year, I’m even more focused on telling true stories about myself and experiences.

In part, I was inspired by my friend Jim Comer, one of the best and most authentic communicators I know. Every year he sends out a Christmas letter via email where he reflects on stories from the past year. It’s long. And it’s the best reading.

I will save it in my inbox until I have time to read it, and then I make time to read it. He’s funny, it’s real, and I can hear his voice in my head as I read it.

I don’t often do more than skim messages. So when someone not only holds my attention but also makes me look forward to an annual letter you’ve got something special.

Leaving video unpolished

I make real videos and I don’t try to touch up my appearance.

My thought here is that AI generated videos are more likely to make the speaker look amazing. So I decided that even if my hair isn’t perfect and you can see my crows feet, I’ll record a video. It’s really me.

I think the same for video calls. I think backgrounds are awesome… for other people. For me, I want people to see me in my actual environment as much as possible.

Does that mean I never use virtual backgrounds? Oh, absolutely I use them. But only when I really have to. Like if I’m in a hotel room and my family is behind me. They have an expectation to not be on camera. But other than that, chances are pretty high that if we have a video meeting, I won’t have a background.

AI for brainstorming, not true content creation for important stuff

Generative AI continues to amaze me with what it can do. But as a former journalist, I still don’t like its writing.

Maybe one day it will be able to fool me, but right now I can tell when it writes stuff.

Don’t get me wrong, I have used it to write stuff. Basic stuff, like policies or emails that I have trouble with. And I use it to brainstorm, find patterns, remind me of details… all kinds of things.

But it doesn’t write content for me. It doesn’t understand the talk track in my head or my voice. And to be honest, I don’t really want it to try and be me.?

Writing and telling stories is one of the things I truly enjoy. I’d much rather have it clean the house and do all the crap I don’t want to do.

I really don’t know if other people think I’m authentic because of these steps. If they didn’t, then I couldn’t blame them. Who wants to be snookered or feel foolish?

Authenticity is a two-way street

In my opinion, authenticity isn’t just a quality that a person possesses. It’s also a feeling in the people around you. You might think you’re the most authentic person on the planet, but if other people don’t think you are, then… you’re not.?

Seth Godin talks about how a brand is more than your logo. It’s how you make people feel.?

Similarly, your authenticity is determined not solely by you, but also by how people interpret your authenticity. It’s complex because it’s tied up in their expectations and relationships. You can’t control how they view you, but you can do your best to guide that perception.