Authenticity - What is it and what does it look like?

Authenticity. It's one of those words that has become so overused lately, isn't it? And yet, I find myself still wondering what it even means and what it looks like in practice.

I was doing a bit of research and somewhat geeked out on the psychological view of authenticity in today's world. There's actually a debate over whether people possess an innate self they need to uncover, or whether the true self is flexible and determined by the choices we make throughout our lives. The definition is still being debated as well but I think this really encompasses how I think about authentic individuals.

Individuals considered authentic are those who strive to align their actions with their core values and beliefs with the hope of discovering, and then acting in sync with, their true selves. - Pyschology Today

Said another way, Lance Secretan states "Authenticity is the alignment of head, mouth, heart, and feet - thinking, saying, feeling, and doing the same thing - consistently."

I'm of the mind that being truly authentic is a journey and lifelong process. I think the major steps involve the following:

Self-Awareness

Self- Reflection

Behavior

Relationships

Self-awareness was and continues to be one of the harder ones for me. This idea of figuring out who you truly are, what matters to you, how you feel about things, and what motivates you takes a lot of inner work and discovery. I also think it's a constant re-centering and re-orienting because oftentimes, society is trying to tell you who you are or ought to be. This step is why the self-help book genre exists. It's why we all click on links that are going to tell us who we are after we answer some questions. It's why I know I'm a 3 with a 4 wing on the Enneagram and an ISTJ-T (if you know, you know.) This one takes work, and time, and revisiting.

Self-reflection is another challenging one depending on your personality and discipline. I recently had the pleasure of listening to Jay Shetty speak and he said something that really resonated with me. I'll paraphrase but he said that pain plus reflection is what equals progress. If you skip over reflection, there is simply pain and no progress. It also means you cannot have progress without pain which is another important point. He mentioned meditation and this is a practice that I have added to my day.

I am the type of person who glazes over my emotions and feelings to focus on producing. Whether at work, at home, or in my relationships, I tend to focus my attention outwardly instead of inwardly. I've found that I need to be intentional about reflection and pausing and spending the time to go inward. I am very much still a work in progress but can say that this has been tremendously helpful on my path toward authentic living.

The next step is really around your behavior. Are you actually DOING the things you are saying, thinking, and feeling? In the original definition I shared, the end goal is around the action. Do your actions align with your thoughts? Do your actions align with your feelings? Are you a person who tends to react in the moment or pause to be sure you are behaving in a way that really reflects your inner self? This one tends to be a little easier for me but really goes back to the first two. I have an easy time aligning my behaviors but I need to be careful that I'm aligning to the true self and not some other expectation of me.

Lastly, it comes down to your relationships. Do you have relationships that allow you to be your true self and force you to be open and honest? Do you have people in your life who know you well enough to call you out, bring you back, and remind you who you truly are? Are you creating spaces in which this becomes possible? Look at the people in your life, the ones you spend the most time with, and if needed, give them permission to shine a light on this for you.

Here are some final thoughts I have on Authenticity and what I have learned over the years. Authenticity and being yourself are the bedrock of well-being. When you can know yourself and be brave enough to present that self to the world, you will build self-esteem, purpose, and vitality. It will also allow you to navigate life's challenges with healthy coping skills. Most of you know by now, but for a long time I hid who I was in the professional setting due to pressure I felt around what was allowed and appropriate (read my other articles to find out more about that.) This has been a journey and it continues to be hard work, but I can attest to the improvement of my well-being and overall mental health.

I am not at all saying that presenting your true self to the world and then aligning with it is easy, it is not. Being authentic requires courage! When you reveal your true self you will likely create some conflict and you may lose people in your life. That is OK. You will end up with the relationships you really need in your life and surrounded by people who will continually make you better. This is a journey, a realignment and you will have to continually evaluate your values, opinions, and actions along the way.

Let me know your thoughts and tell me about your journey in the comments!