Authenticity Vs. Irresponsibility

How authentic are you? By some peoples’ standards, if you simply speak every thought you have, however petty, mean or hurtful, you are being authentic. But for most of us, that version of “authenticity” seems a lot like being immature and irresponsible. Of course, if everything you say sounds as though it was scripted by a self-help guru, that just doesn’t ring?“real”.?So what is real authenticity, especially for leaders?

Those leading organizations need to be perceived as honest, real and authentic. But, when leaders use authenticity as a justification to be brutal, uncharitable or mean, have they really been authentic? Or have they been irresponsible. Maybe the whole issue of authenticity needs some clarity.

In academic and philosophic?circles, authenticity has been on the table for decades, beginning as far back as Rousseau in the 18th?century. Over the centuries, the term “authenticity” has evolved through two distinct meanings.

In its early use it meant to be honest or sincere, and was focused on?our treatment of other people.?

During later generations, Heidegger and others used it to mean?being true to one’s self?as opposed to one’s neighbor.?Today, we still use the term to talk about being true to one’s self.?But the question should arise,?which self?

In Heidegger’s work he meant something quite specific.?He was suggesting that?who we are is a matter of choice.??If we have a?chosen?self, it is not just whatever comes naturally to us; it is instead a self of our design and selection. Our “created” self is comprised of our chosen values, commitments, and principles. It is profound and inspiring, and embodies the highest aspirations we can muster, whether spiritual, religious or philosophical.?

But as we all know, there is still an automatic?natural?self that is there all the time without any effort.?My own natural self is often petty and self-centered, judgmental, mean and jealous. Yours may include?unique, but equally?unattractive traits. As far as I can tell, my natural self is deeply entrenched and stubborn – with no sign of abating.

If I were committed to voicing my natural self’s thoughts at all times there would be significant fallout – the final result of which would render me friendless, lonely and ashamed. That form of authenticity wouldn’t work except as an emotional release valve.

As it happens, part of being human is to vacillate and sometimes wrestle?between alternate versions of our selves – the selves we are proud of and those we hide. As leaders, we must contend with?this dichotomy of selves as we explore what it means to be an authentic leader.

So what are we to make of this “two self problem”? What is authentic leadership? Is it the radical honesty of saying whatever our natural self puts into our head --whether mean, brash, insulting or unsupportive? There is some?evidence that that style of leadership has a certain appeal or cache. Perhaps the most obvious example is President Trump, who proudly embodies that style of communication.

Well, if we are to consider Heidegger and his intellectual descendants, the answer is no, that is not what he meant by authentic.

In order to discover the authentic, created you, you can approach it looking backwards or looking forward. Looking forward, you may want to ask what kind of qualities you want to emerge whenever you are there. We all know people for whom whenever they show up, the energy and general convivialness rises. Or, there are others who bring with them an air of intimacy and seriousness. Once, I was running a startup, and had a fantastic head of sales who somehow always left everyone feeling more confident and optimistic about their next conversation. It was intrinsic to his way of being, and it made for a very successful sales organization!

The qualities you would like to accompany you will be a function of the self you aspire to be.

But you can also ask the question looking backwards toward your life. When you are gone and buried, what would you choose to leave behind as your lasting impression? What qualities would generate that impression, or impact? You can consider the question in any of the different arenas in which you dwell and lead: Your family, relationship, workplace, company, church, community or the world.

What is the vision you have for a personal or professional legacy? Is your legacy one of kindness or spite, of generosity or stinginess, of those you lead emerging empowered or cowed? Whatever answer you come up with will reflect the values you embrace and qualities you respect and aspire to have.

Most of us would like our impact to have left the world better than it was before us. Most business leaders I know truly want their employees to grow, learn, succeed and excel. They are committed to empowering their staff and improving the world in some way. But because they are human beings like you and me, they also have a natural and primitive self that is at times mean, grudging, intolerant or stingy. That just isn’t the one that speaks or acts as a leader.

As they approach the role of being an authentic leader, they practice a discipline. That discipline means distinguishing, moment-by-moment, the self they have created and are committed to be being, from the automatic one that arises without any effort. And they use that ever-present standard to parse what they are expressing. The goals is to give voice to their created selves as much of the time as possible.

They are authentic to their commitments and to their values, not to whatever thought comes into their heads.

Thoughts are not actions. You can safely think lots of things that are inconsistent with your calling, your principles and your goals. But policing what you say and how you behave so as to fulfill your vision is true authenticity.?

None of this means faking anything. When our baser selves are at play, sometimes the greatest act of authenticity is to admit it. No one is without them. But sharing one’s humanity as weakness is distinct from sharing one’s crass thoughts as opinions worth emboldening.

You won’t always succeed in figuring out how to be authentic without being fake — or in how to be genuine?while taking responsibility for your reflexes and pettiness. Like any discipline it takes practice and sometimes we?fail. But as we aspire toward this form of authenticity, all we can do is practice and periodically clean up the messes we inadvertently create.

Sometimes, if we admit the crass thoughts that we might even be ashamed to admit we have, it creates an amazing bond with others. We are publicly grappling with our two selves --the one we woke up with and the one we are aspiring to. Others see themselves in that and gain space to be who they are committed to being.

For those working with leaders who practice this kind of introspection and self-appraisal, they get an extraordinary experience. It's often surprising to see your boss own up to his own basest impulses; and it's inspiring to watch him then transcend those impulses and bring his best self forth. You can give that kind of mentorship and intimacy to your team too.

Offering your team high-performance executive coaching can help them become inspiring and authentic leaders too. Contact me to learn more.