Authenticity vs. Attachment: The Key to Living Your Truth

I’ve been reflecting deeply on a concept that has profoundly shifted the way I approach life and work: the balance between authenticity and attachment.

Let’s be honest—most of us grow up sacrificing pieces of ourselves to fit in, be accepted, or avoid conflict. As kids, this was our survival strategy. We needed the support and love of our caregivers to make it through, and sometimes, that meant suppressing parts of who we were. Maybe you were the kid who loved to sing, but your parents were stressed and didn’t want to hear it. Or maybe you were naturally curious, always asking questions, and you were told to stop being “annoying.”

These moments might seem small, but over time, they teach us to silence our authentic selves. We trade our truth for the security of attachment, and this pattern often follows us into adulthood.

A Powerful Realization

I first encountered this idea through Dr. Gabor Maté’s work, particularly his perspective on the tension between authenticity and attachment. As humans, we’re unique in the animal kingdom. Unlike a snake or even a horse—whose young can survive independently much sooner—we depend on our caregivers for years. This biological need for attachment is hardwired into us.

But here’s the catch: while attachment ensures survival, authenticity is what brings meaning, peace, and growth into our lives. And as we grow older, that need for authenticity doesn’t go away. It becomes even more critical.

My Own Journey

I see this tension in my own life, especially as a parent. My two daughters are incredibly different. My eldest has always been a smiley, joyful spirit. From day one, she’d light up any room without much prompting. My youngest, on the other hand, came into this world with a serious, intense demeanor. Even now, she’ll stare you down before cracking a smile.

Watching them grow, I’ve realized how easy it is—without meaning to—for parents to suppress their children’s unique traits. Maybe you’re stressed after a long day, and their singing feels like noise. Or you want to protect them, so you tell them not to speak up or ask too many questions. It’s not malicious; it’s just life. But these seemingly small moments can have lasting impacts.

How This Shows Up in Our Lives

Fast forward to adulthood, and these patterns stick with us. You might hesitate to speak your mind in a meeting, fearing judgment. Or maybe you avoid taking risks in your business because you’re afraid of rejection.

What’s really happening? You’ve been conditioned to prioritize attachment—pleasing others, fitting in—over being true to yourself. This conditioning can make us feel stuck, disconnected, and even resentful.

Here’s the truth: you cannot experience lasting peace or fulfillment if you’re disconnected from your authentic self.

Breaking Free

The good news is, as adults, we have the power to rewire these patterns. But it takes awareness and courage. Start by noticing where you feel resistance. Is it when you try to express love to your partner? When you want to network or share your ideas, but fear holds you back?

That resistance is a clue. It’s your authentic self pushing against the walls you’ve built to stay “safe.” The work is to lean into that discomfort, piece by piece, and reconnect with who you are beneath the layers of conditioning.

Why This Matters

Whether you’re building a business, leading a team, or simply trying to live a more meaningful life, this work is essential. People are drawn to authenticity. It’s what inspires trust, connection, and innovation.

And it’s not just about you. As a leader, parent, or community member, your awareness can impact others. If you can recognize when someone else is struggling to show up authentically—maybe a colleague who seems “lazy” or a child who’s acting out—you can approach them with understanding rather than judgment.

A Challenge for You

This week, I challenge you to reflect:

• Where do you feel resistance when trying to show up authentically?
• What parts of yourself have you been hiding or suppressing?
• What small step can you take to reconnect with your truth?

Pay attention to the moments where you hold back—and ask yourself, what would it look like to choose authenticity instead?

If you want to take this training further download the Unlock Your Legacy Life Power Pack that will guide you through a self-reflection exercise to help you gain clarity, purpose, and intentionality.