Authenticity. Poignancy. Pools of grief. Duck fat fries.

This past weekend I attended the Out For Undergrad (O4U) Business Conference in New York, where I partnered with the organization's director and several volunteers to train conference mentors. O4U's mission is to help high achieving LGBTQ undergraduates reach their full potential. Their headline is: We Change Lives. I volunteered to help because of what O4U means to my son Doug. He attended the 2011 Business Conference as a senior at Bowdoin, and indeed, his life changed. I learned a lot from the team I worked with for the last 6 months designing the training. I learned a ton about authenticity and agency in the LGBTQ community from Brandon, O4U's director. And I know I added value. What I wasn't prepared for was the emotional impact the weekend would have on me. It hit me from three directions.

The first was the interaction with the mentors, who represent sponsor companies. They facilitate small group conversations with the students about careers in business. This year the program team upped the ante, encouraging students to reflect on authenticity and how they might bring more of who they really are to their first career experiences. We trained the mentors in basic facilitation skills, and then the next level of challenge: how to create an environment where 8-12 LGBTQ students who'd known each other less than 24 hours would open up about very personal challenges, fears, and achievements. I was blown away by the commitment, openness and courage of the mentors. I was moved by their stories. And I was humbled by their gratitude for the support we provided.

The second emotional hit came during an afternoon walk I took between sessions. The conference took place in New York's financial district, about one block from where the twin towers once stood. I visited the 911 Memorial, and stood at the reflecting pools for some time, crushed by emotions for which I still can't find words. The depth of the pools, the endlessness of the names carved into their walls, and the vastness of that empty space are all overwhelming. It is so beautiful. And so poignant. And so authentic. And so very sad.

I opted out of the O4U evening event, needing some quiet time to reflect myself. That's when I stumbled onto the third emotional punch of the weekend: my gratitude to my son for inviting me into his life in a way that allowed me to see him in his context. Anais Nin said "we don't see things are they are, we see them as we are." I think this is true of how we see people as well. I see Doug as our son, defined in our family context. This is oh so true when he is home for visits; it is even true when we visit him in NY. We dine together, go to the National Tennis Center, sightsee. But this weekend, I was in his world with his friends and his colleagues. The stories I heard, the vulnerability I witnessed, the authenticity I felt...these are all elements of his world, and I saw him in a way I had not seen him before. Doug's always been a private person: not one to talk about this stuff with his mom. It was an indescribable gift to see him engaging in his space, clearly happy in a place where he feels at home.

And the duck fat fries? My Saturday evening reflection dinner alone in NY: simply lovely restaurant. Solo diner NOT seated near the restrooms, wonderful food, and exceptional service at a no-tipping establishment. I'm still dreaming of the duck-fat fries at the North End Grill.