AUTHENTICITY IS OVERRATED

These are some of the most dangerous phrases in the English language…

I was…

“Just being honest.”

“Acting from the heart.”

“Only honoring my feelings.”

“Being my truest, most authentic self.”

The approach I use in my communication work stems largely from my experience as an acting teacher. For over twenty years I've taught The Meisner Technique to aspiring actors and those striving to become better communicators. My students spend their first semester learning to tap into their most unfiltered, raw emotional life... their deepest, purest selves. We call this “working from your gut” or “acting on impulse.” 

Unpacking deep emotions is a powerful first step to becoming a great actor. It has also provided me a fascinating window into what people being their “authentic” selves looks like.

Throughout my career I've watched, fascinated, as students slowly peel back layer after layer of their emotional lives. Here’s what I have learned: When people dig deep, when they really reveal their most uncensored emotions, they can be inspirationally kind and empathetic one minute and stunningly, painfully selfish and cruel the next. This is universal. Thankfully, we are not just our guts. Human beings are a combination of our purest emotions and our thoughts. This combination allows us to think, and often censor ourselves, before we act viciously or inappropriately.

If our authentic selves can be so cruel, why is there such an emphasis on acting from our most authentic emotional life? Because some of us can afford to be authentic, and some of us can not. Those who can't be authentic wish they could, and often strive for this elusive goal. Unfortunately, they rarely succeed. Their lack of total authenticity stems not from themselves, but from others. 

There is one factor which determines how "authentic" a person can be: POWER.

My African American girlfriends don’t have lengthy conversations with me about how they aspire to always be their most real and pure authentic selves at work. Why? If they so much as reveal a grimace they run the risk of being labeled “Angry Black Women”. The consequences to their emotional and financial safety when this label sticks can be dire. Unfortunately, complete authenticity is a privilege most women of color simply can’t afford. They don't strive for unfiltered honesty. They strive to navigate those in power safely.

Conversely, my close White male friends, particularly those in positions of power, have a radically different experience. I often watch as their behaviors are labeled “strong” “authoritative” and “driven”. These very same behaviors in women, particularly women of color, would be labeled “hysterical”, “bitchy”, or “crazy”. It would be career suicide for my Black girlfriends to show even a portion of the anger my similarly situated White male friends exhibit regularly.

Dysfunctional communication results from the powerful being authentic and the less powerful navigating that authenticity. If only half the people in any given communication exchange feel they can be authentic, that’s not authenticity. That’s abuse of power. 

Authenticity must be a two way street paved by the powerful. 

Communication functions best like a teeter totter - no one can be on top. If you want to live in a more authentic world others must feel equally safe to be equally authentic with you. You can make this happen by practicing what I call Mindful Inauthenticity. 

Towards the end of their Meisner training my students integrate something called “intentions.” Intentions can be cruel, for example a student can have an intention to make a fellow actor cry. They can also be kind — an intention to make someone really happy or feel safe. The idea is that humans have intentions all the time, and acting training would be far from complete if students only learned to have feelings about their feelings without an intention which focuses the impact of those emotions.

So, what is Mindful Inauthenticity? It’s pretty simple. Approach your communication with an intention to make others feel as comfortable (and safe!) with you as you feel with them. Think strategically about the impact of your words and actions, and then adjust your behavior accordingly. Do this even when you’re in a bad mood, or having a bad day.

Mindful Inauthenticity (A Step By Step Guide)

1. Imagine what you want to do or say. 
2. Imagine someone with less power doing or saying the same thing. 
3. Ask yourself how would you react to them? 
4. If you would accept a behavior in yourself but not in others, don’t do it.

Being Mindfully Inauthentic makes the world more authentic. You will keep your feelings in check more. People with less power will begin to trust you more. A safe space will be created around you. This will result in folks stepping into their most authentic selves. 

When others around you feel safe to be authentic only then can you live a truly authentic life. 

Eliza VanCort... I'm a motivational speaker with an eclectic background in both the arts and political science. Workplace communication, particularly the challenges faced by those in underrepresented groups and STEM, are my primary focus. I'm also an actor, acting teacher (The Actors Workshop Of Ithaca), proud parent of four kids, and mentor to countless more. Checkout last year's TEDx: “Women, Power, and Revolutionizing Speech.” You can also find me on my website, or contact my speakers bureau, The BrightSight Group.

Edited by Alek Osinski