The Authenticity of Head + Heart Leaders

Head = intelligence, acumen, knowledge of domain, competence. "I believe him."

Heart = emotional awareness, warmth, relational skills. "I like him."

Looking back, I spent a good portion of my early leadership years applying my Head and Heart abilities like this: Head is for teammates. Heart is for customers.

I was often called the "smartest guy in the room" and if I'm being honest, I felt some pride in that, because I had been told my entire childhood and adolescent years to study hard, be smart, and do well in school. There literally is a grading system for this with A at the top and F at the bottom. I later realized that "smartest guy in the room" wasn't really an honorable distinction but rather it was a label.

The watershed moment for me was when I realized that my friends and family thought of me one way "a fun, warm and caring person who happened to be smart" and that my workplace thought of me another way "a smart, capable person who was occasionally fun."

There was a pretty considerable difference, I realized, in how I was perceived at home and at work.

This set me on a different quest - not how to just be business intelligent, not how to just be emotionally intelligent, but more than that - to be authentic.

Head + Heart Matrix

As intentional as one can be in building their Head skills through education, reading, and other means, think of how systematic our Heart skills have ever been developed. We have a thousand Head resources to every one Heart resource. Maybe that's why we end up with so many of the Mr. Burns from The Simpsons people (high Head, low Heart) in corporate leadership roles.

When the true bearers of the financial return (the ultimate people to whom ROI is reported) are completely detached from the service the business is meant to serve (frontline), there is massive potential misalignment in the type of leaders you bring in at the top.

If I own my lemonade stand, the financial results ultimately impact me. Giving a free cup of lemonade to a thirsty person only affects my own financial results. I can make a head and heart decision.

If someone else pays for my lemonade stand, the financial results ultimately impact that person. Giving a free cup of lemonade to a thirsty person is no longer a heart decision - it's a head one.

The low-head, low-heart person in the bottom left-hand corner of the matrix above is easy to spot. They wave their arms around, say things emphatically, but at the end of the day they lack both the credibility and the relationships to get anything done. It's easier to identify and want to steer clear of this person.

The low-head, high-heart person means well and tries like hell to do the right things. Driven by gut-feeling and heart, this leader might be well-liked but if a crisis occurs at work or people are looking for competent guidance, this isn't the first person the team will think to call.

The high-head, low-heart person is more dangerous to organizations than any of the other four categories. They have the means (capability) to get things done, but they'll burn out their teams, shout the word accountability, and have a million business jargon in their vocabulary but will probably never ask you "how are you doing?" and actually want to hear the answer.

The Head + Heart Leader

First of all, it's okay to cut yourself a break if you are in one of the other categories at the moment. As we know, awareness is half the battle.

So what can one do to work toward the high-head, high-heart realm and stay there?

Here's a not-so-earth-shattering answer: work at it.

1. COACH: Work with a coach whom you believe to be a Head + Heart leader. They'll give you encouragement without fluff. They'll give you honesty without hurt. In particular, this can help you with the Heart skills.
2. BOSS: If you report to a "Mr. Burns" - realize that you cannot grow to the type of leader you want to be under their rule. No flower, no matter their heart, can will themselves to grow if the watering can is full of vinegar.
3. ACT: Don't just say you are a lifelong learner. Reading this article won't increase your skills. It will only help you bring awareness to the need. Create actionable steps to assess and improve the skills to bring overall balance to your leadership. Just because you buy a guitar doesn't make you a musician. Practice. Play. Practice again. Low in business acumen? That's the easier of the two to gain. Watch YouTube videos; read books; work with a mentor (pay for one if you need to); take an online class on skills relevant to your role. Low in emotional intelligence? This one will take a lot of hard work. But as with any long journey - just get started.
4. SIDE: Have a side hustle. Stay with me on this one. Yes, you may love your job, but it is familiar to you and you have definitely built some muscle memory. If you do the same exact workout every day, you are technically working out but your body will adapt to make the routine less burdensome. Your brain does the same thing. Introduce a novel pursuit that you really have to work hard for. This really helps with the Head skills.

A Final Word

Authenticity.

Don't work to be someone you are not. There's a difference between stretching and breaking. The parts of you that are GREAT are what will carry you through this learning journey. Use your strengths to your advantage.

A lot of Head skills? Great - think of your Heart skills as a product roadmap. Project manage the crap out of your journey to build emotional intelligence.

A lot of Heart skills? Great - trust your instincts about how to source the Head skills from people you can trust.

Head + Heart leaders make impact through their authenticity not by their ambition.

Lead well, my friends. Live your legacy today!

James Lee

James is the founder of Bear Wise Consulting and the host of Level Up Leadership Podcast. If you would like to receive articles like this and links to podcasts as they are released, please subscribe to the newsletter or sign up for the email list on the Bear Wise website.