Authenticity is not for the faint-hearted

Today, I want to share a reflection on authenticity, based on my personal experience from being on Married at First Sight, the most watched TV show in Australia.

As a reality TV show, the whole notion of authenticity – and what is real and what is fake – sits at the heart of my MAFS experience.

'Authentic' is the 2023 word of the year.

Authentic! You know it when you see it, and people are craving it more than ever. So much so that “authentic” is Merriam-Webster’s?Word of the Year?for 2023.

According to Merriam-Webster, “authentic” saw a substantial increase in online searches over the last year, driven by people consulting Google to learn more about celebrity culture, social media, identity and artificial intelligence. Especially with AI here to stay, people are trying their best to separate the “real” and “actual” from the fake (to?quote Merriam-Webster).

Reality TV should, by definition, be authentic.

There is a premium on genuineness these days. People want the real deal, whether it’s honesty from a politician (good luck), the company behind that viral Instagram ad, or someone’s true feelings about their partner on MAFS (good luck).

Reality TV should, by definition, be authentic. And yet, behind the scenes and behind it all, every participant is asking themselves every day, “What’s the impression that I want to leave on others? What words do I want people to associate with me when this show goes to air?”

And it may be something like “nice guy” or “caring person”, but you ultimately want “authentic” to be up there, too. Some participants can and do present their authentic selves, warts and all. Most don’t, and it’s because of a thing called ‘self-orientation’. We are naturally wired to be thinking mainly about ourselves – our reputation, how others see us, “Do they like me?” – and so we wear masks that hide our authenticity and project an image that we think people will like.

Popularity is for mediocre people.

Authenticity is not for the faint-hearted. Because when you are being your authentic self, while you will naturally attract some people, you will also repel many others. And that’s fine. Not everyone is going to love you, and not everyone needs to love you. Don’t dilute yourself to be popular.

What matters most is presenting your authentic self to the world so you can attract the people who naturally belong in your world. You are not going to win over everyone, but it’s more important to come across as someone who is?genuine than someone who is perfect. After all, perfection doesn’t exist, and people know that.

Just be sure to always give people the time of day. Lean into your best qualities, such as being friendly or generous. And people will eventually know, like and trust you – the real, authentic you.

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