THE AUTHENTICITY CODE: How to Be Authentic

by Casey Erin Clark and Julie Fogh

This is part 5 of a multi-part series. Read more here.

Authentic: representing one’s true nature or beliefs; true to oneself

MYTH: We see authenticity as an individual, personal pursuit.

REALITY: Our authentic self is complex, and develops in concert with other people - the expression depends on the audience/circumstance.

How many well-meaning parents have looked at their nervous teenager before a first day of school or a first date and said, “Just be yourself”? For working adults, there are hundreds of articles, advice columns, training courses, and a few TED talks on the concept of “bring your whole self to work”.

What does “be myself/bring your whole self” actually mean? What IS self? How do we define it? Philosophers, psychologists, and sociologists have poured millions of gallons of ink into answering this question and come to a dizzying array of conclusions. No wonder this advice sounds simple on the surface and feels impossible in practice.

If the core of "being authentic" is understanding self-hood, we’re in messy territory already.

But let’s say that you have an idea of who you are. Maybe you’ve analyzed it a lot, maybe you just have a sort of gut “knowing” about what makes you feel like the you-est version of you. And now you’ve been told that it’s important to be authentic when interacting with other people — that authenticity is an ideal state of being.

Here are the three ways we see most people go about accomplishing this: three “philosophies of authenticity”, myth and reality.

ONE TRUE SELF

This above all:

To thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

— Hamlet, William Shakespeare

MYTH: This philosophy of authenticity believes that there is some unitary definition of “who I am”, a primordial soup of personality, ethics, beliefs, habits, and ways of expressing oneself. Authenticity in practice is that One True Self showing up as similarly as possible across all venues (work, home, social life) and with all people. People who hide parts of themselves in different scenarios are seen as inauthentic — if you are different at work than you are socially, you are suspect.

REALITY: This is nearly impossible in practice, and for good reason. As human beings, we naturally bring different aspects of our personalities to the forefront in different situations. It can be summed up in one simple phrase that we often use with our clients while explaining both the conscious and subconscious ways we shift our vocal delivery: “No one talks to a puppy the same way they talk to their boss.” Some of these personality traits may seem to contradict each other, but they are all part of who you are, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to access them. But the you you are with your boss and the you you are with your child are different people in many ways. Not only is that natural, it is socially desirable - someone who lacks the ability or desire to make those shifts in communication style might seem hopelessly out of touch . . . or just plain creepy.

UNFILTERED SELF

"No one man can, for any considerable time, wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which is the true one.”

— Nathaniel Hawthorne

MYTH: This philosophy of authenticity is focused on the truth of feelings and expression. Whatever my current state is emotionally, whatever my true beliefs, however I believe is the most truthful way I express my personality, that is what I must show in order to be authentic. Hiding those true feelings, or molding your personality or expression to suit someone else is inauthentic and cowardly. This definition of authenticity can be deeply distrustful of the idea of personal brand, as it connotes fakery, manipulation, or caving to someone else’s standard.

REALITY: This version of authenticity is possible for some people, but only those with privilege and power. No matter how tired, frustrated, angry, or sad a restaurant server is, they know that they may be fired if they authentically express that to a customer. There is something incredibly seductive in the idea that the people who don’t appreciate your authentic, unfiltered self just “don’t get you” and are therefore not meant to be your friends, coworkers, or community. We’d even venture to say that it’s partially true. (To quote our friend Cyndie Spiegel: “You are not for everyone.”) But the idea that the best path to true authenticity is to always be truly yourself with no intervention doesn’t take into account power imbalances, bias, and the dire consequences in place for certain people who don’t self-regulate their moods, personality, and behavior. This kind of authenticity is dangerous for some people.

ASPIRATIONAL SELF

“Authentic leadership is leading adaptively from your core, choosing who you’re most inspired to be to serve the greatest good in this moment.”

― Henna Inam

MYTH: This philosophy of authenticity believes that we can consciously choose what pieces of ourselves to bring forward or leave behind in different situations, and focuses on self-knowledge, personal growth, and presentation. In some cases, negative perceptions from others are attributed to a loss of or disconnect from the authentic self (“that’s not who I really am”). They do not see curation and consciousness as antithetical to authenticity, as long as the emotions, personality traits, and behaviors displayed come from somewhere that feels “real.” Most of the traditional media and study around “authenticity at work” is usually talking about this philosophy.

REALITY: The Aspirational Self is the only philosophy of the three to truly connect who/how I am with how others perceive me—to understand that your “authentic self” does not exist in a vacuum. At its best, it’s represented by a connection and balance of true self-knowledge and thoughtful behavior in service to deeply held core values and goals. At its worst, it becomes a costume you can never take off, a commercial you have to keep running on a loop, an exhausting performance on a stage you can’t escape. 

The act of managing others’ experience of us is contradictory to many people’s idea of “authenticity.” However, if you are good at it, this version of authenticity can be richly rewarding. If you’re not, your normal human instincts to fit in and succeed will be dismissed as false. When we read things as false (especially in this culture of authenticity), it can seem morally questionable. You can be curated, or even misleading . . . unless you get caught.

Aspirational self becomes even more complicated when we acknowledge the way bias shapes our experience of other people’s behavior. The individual may be consistently making choices that ought to work within their culture, but they aren’t successful, because the receiver is blind to what makes them extraordinary. Leaders in this culture may even see the same attributes and behaviors they value in someone else as somehow wrong, false, or different on this person—the lens of unconscious bias.

To the striving individual, this is confusing and demoralizing. It’s also one of the core ways that organizations lose out on talented people. And even when the aspirational self succeeds outwardly, it can feel like an enormous amount of work.

No matter how an individual performs authenticity, they are deeply affected by their audience. They will see wildly different results depending on where that performance happens, and who the audience is. This is where perception enters the theater.

Tomorrow we'll be digging into the failures of perception. Read the whole AUTHENTICITY CODE series here.