Authentically you. What happens to us when authenticity dissapears?

I've been writing a blog on authentic experiences for brands but it is something very close to my heart for people too. In fact it's one of my personal values. We are so well-tuned to spotting authenticity, or a lack of it, in others, from babies reacting to a loving face to that politicking colleague in the board room. From authenticity we build trust and credibility. From these relationships blossom. With great relationships everything is possible.

We were born being authentically us, but sometimes we lose that sense of ourselves and our authenticity floats away on the breeze. And that's worrying, because we find it hard to notice when something changes slowly over time. The ladies at Somebody Inside use the perfect analogy for this - you don't notice how much your hair has grown day by day.

So why do we lose our authenticity and how do we get it back?

How do we lose our authentic selves?

I believe we lose, or more accurately hide, our sense of self when we come under pressure.

Pressure from ourselves, pressure from others, pressure from life. You can see this clearly in teenagers, desperate to fit in, changing their appearance behavior and communication style overnight.

It's not the pressures themselves, but the giving in that makes our authenticity run for the hills. It can be the hardest thing of all to be your authentic self at work, at home or in your peer group. It seems so tempting to dive in and behave the way that will let you fit right in. And it's so common, we all do it.

We hide our authentic self because we are, overwhelmed, fearful and ashamed. Brene Brown explores shame and vulnerability beautifully in her book Daring Greatly. It's an experience that locks us down.

My son summed it up brilliantly when we sat around for dinner in a rented house recently, when he asked,

Why have a lovely table and hide it underneath a tablecloth?

The tablecloth is there for protection, just like when we hide ourselves from the world. Who wants to get sticky from messy situations? Who wants to be damaged by harsh treatment?

It might look great, but the problem is that the Tablecloth Method doesn't work for long. You only have to sit in a stressful boardroom before you start to see people's protected selves unravel...

We hide our authentic self when we feel we are not good enough

How do we rediscover our authentic selves?

Well this is a big ask for one blog, but I'm going to try and give you my thoughts in brief.

1. Rediscover what it is you stand for, what lights you up and what adds meaning. Maybe even jot down your own personal values. Think about the things you enjoy doing, the things you are good at (these might not the same things!). SY Partners have an awesome tool to help you Discover your Super Power. Give it a try.
2. Practice self-compassion. This comes in many forms and to see how well you're doing and the areas you can improve on take the self-compassion test written by Kristin Neff and Chris Germer.
3. Speak up, find your voice, say no, say yes. Take action and make your values and self-compassion mean something in the real world. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable and having tougher conversations. These can be done with humanity and positivity.
4. Align yourself to the best people and environments for you. I'm fortunate to have found the best job I have ever had here at Katapult. I am aligned with the values of our business, I love our work, I enjoy my role, I feel valued. Find your perfect place, or create it with the support of those people around you.

I truly believe we are all better collaborators, colleagues, leaders and humans when we are our authentic selves. Let your authentic self breathe and thrive and you will see a powerful change.

Kelly is Strategy & Development Director at Katapult - A Creative England Top 50 company, that create physical and digital guest experiences that amaze and engage your visitors.

www.katapult.co.uk