"BE AUTHENTIC TO BE HAPPY"

Being Authentic is a quality of being genuine and worthy of belief. Hence, a person who is completely trustworthy is deemed to be authentic. Yet to be genuine requires a certain transparency, whereby others can witness the unfiltered personality, without any masking.

The Secrets of Being Authentic (and Why It’s Important)

“People follow authenticity. They are searching for it,” says Karissa Thacker, a psychologist and author of The Art of Authenticity. “I think it’s twofold: The drive to be authentic and the drive to be around other authentic human beings goes back all the way to philosophy. But positive psychology also tells us that this sense of being true to yourself creates meaning. There’s a drive to be authentic inside all of us. Fundamentally, it’s part of living a meaningful life.”

The word authenticity is loaded, but Ryan Lee, founder of FREEDYM, a training resources website for aspiring entrepreneurs, believes it’s imperative we remember what it truly means. Some people might think having piercings or pink hair is authentic, but wearing Banana Republic and listening to Coldplay can be just as authentic if it’s who you truly are.

“Because of the trend of being authentic, people think you have to grow a big beard and you have to have tattoos and curse,” Lee says. “That’s not authentic if that’s not you.”

Room for Growth

Although authenticity might seem like an innate trait and something we’re born with, Thacker believes you can develop it much like you would any other trait, like curiosity, kindness or honesty. For many years, our society has held the “I am what I am” view, she says, when in fact people regularly adapt themselves to context and situations.

She suggests the first step in building authenticity is turning on our “authenticity meter” to determine whether we are in touch with ourselves and our actions.

“A lot of us move through life reaction to reaction and we don’t stop and go, Wait, I just did that. Did it feel real to me? Why did I do that? Did I feel pressured by context? Was I trying to be cool? Nobody can tell you what’s authentic for you,” she says.

Another way to be seen as more genuine and real is to feel comfortable not being perfect in the eyes of others. Be comfortable sharing your failures and weaknesses. You might not think this is the best route in business, but when done appropriately, it can work. “If you understand your context, your environment and the relationship you have with the person you’re sharing the weakness with, I think people are more inclined to help—it’s more honest and it’s true.”

We can relate to others better when we’re not afraid of being vulnerable. “I’ve seen this happen time and again with executives who on the surface look perfect and can do anything,” Thacker says. “But nobody’s smart enough to figure it all out. Embracing your weaknesses and your quirks is just as much a part of being authentic as embracing your strengths.”

Lee agrees. For him, being authentic boils down to one concept: trust. “Be truthful to who you are,” he says. “Tell the truth. It really comes down to being you. It’s having the confidence to be you.”

Don’t be afraid to tell people what you believe in. Don’t think you need to straddle the line to please all of your friends, family or clients. Stay firm on your values and beliefs.

Forces Within

In attempting to appear open, honest and true, some people might inadvertently create a false sense of authenticity. Thacker believes both external and internal roadblocks stand in the way of becoming truly authentic.

The external forces are environmental—say, worrying your boss might think you’re not competent if you tell her you’re uncomfortable with a particular project, or feeling concerned that your husband will be hurt if you tell him how you really feel about his relationship with his brother.

Internal forces are more ingrained and much more difficult to overcome. For example, if you’re a naturally gregarious and extroverted person and someone told you to tone down your personality early in your career, you might have dialed it down too much. If you’ve squelched it for long enough, it will be much more difficult to bring your true self back.

“Stepping back and examining those habits of mind that are internal is a powerful step,” Thacker says. “Our internal barriers are often harder to move than the external ones.”

Double-Edged Sword

Because people in leadership positions are among the most scrutinized, being vulnerable, honest and letting go of the “perfect” image can be challenging. But conversely, these are the people authenticity matters most for because it goes hand-in-hand with trust. Leaders who are kind to others are often seen as more authentic.

 

“ Embracing your weaknesses and your quirks is just as much a part of being authentic as embracing your strengths.”

 

“I think [authenticity] does fundamentally come back to this: If I’m going to follow you, if I’m going to take a risk, if I’m going to put hard work and effort into a vision that you’re throwing out, can I trust you’re also looking out for me? Can I trust that you’re a kind person?” Thacker says.

The kindness and trust a leader emanates will ripple through one’s entire organization.

“When you see somebody else do something kind, what happens for you?” Thacker asks. “When you see somebody else do something you know is selfless, how do you feel in that moment? The scientists call it a feeling of elevation. I call it a virtue buzz. I think the vast majority of us want to be around goodness. We want to be around higher virtues like curiosity, kindness and honesty.”

Whichever virtues leave you buzzing, keep in mind that no matter who else is around, your constant companion is yourself. So like who you are (or grow into the person you want to become) and enjoy the company.

SIGNS OF AN AUTHENTIC PERSON

In the last week or two, the topic of authenticity has been coming up in my life. The discussion of authenticity came up a couple times in a class and then it came up again during a therapy session. This led me to sit back and ask myself: What actually constitutes a truly authentic person?

Upon deeper introspection, I came to the conclusion that becoming authentic is a lifetime — and beyond — process. It’s like peeling an onion and over time as we grow, heal, and love ourselves more and more, we become more of who we truly are.

There can be moments when we are truly expressing our authentic selves and then there are moments that trigger our inner wounds. We then find ourselves acting in a way that’s out of alignment with our own inner truth and, instead, acting as a reaction to our wounds being reactivated.

So as I said before, it’s a lifelong process, but this doesn’t mean that it’s something we shouldn’t aspire to. Just because it may take time and practice to do a headstand in a yoga class, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t bother doing the work so you can eventually do it with ease.

So here are the 11 signs of a truly authentic person:

#1 - They recognize the emptiness in material things

They’re not out buying Gucci with the hope that it will make them happy. While they may enjoy material things, they don’t see it as “If I just have this one item, then I’ll be happy”. They also don’t rate other people based on the material items that they have or don’t have because they know it doesn’t hold much meaning.

#2 - They recognize that experiences make their lives richer

They’re aware of how life experiences create more meaning and richness in our lives. They are open to explore and learn, both externally and internally.

#3 - They truly listen to others

They don’t listen in order to respond. Nor do they listen to others while being distracted by their phone, the TV or whatever else may be a distraction. They’re able to be fully present with another person. They’re able to listen to others with a genuine interest and care for the other person.

#4 - They express their true thoughts, feelings and views unapologetically

They don’t say things that they don’t truly mean. They don’t do things that they don’t really want to do. They are able to share their own unique thoughts, feelings and views without fear of other’s opinions.

#5 - They’re not out to please people

They know that by living their lives to please others all the time disconnects them from their own inner experience. The know the importance of being aware, acknowledging, and expressing their own unique thoughts, feelings and views to the world. They know that by expressing their true internal experience, they are able to share their gifts with the world.

#6 - They see value in giving love to others

They see value in giving love and kindness indiscriminately. They understand that we are all connected and are willing to give others a helping hand. They know that by helping others, they are helping themselves. They allow and encourage others to express their own truth with love and acceptance as well.

#7 - They love themselves

They see themselves as a person of value who deserves love, kindness and support. They provide themselves with adequate care to support their own health and well-being.

#8 - They are willing to see and acknowledge their own faults

They are aware they we are all wounded and may have various prejudices. They don’t judge others for their own prejudices, but rather see it as a part of the person’s own inner wounding that has yet to be healed. They know that there are aspects of themselves that they don’t like either, and they’re willing to swallow their ego and acknowledge those parts regardless.

#9 - They understand that we are all unique — and that’s okay!

They know that not everyone is going to agree on everything all the time. They are accepting of differing views and opinions. They don’t label themselves as “right” and another person as “wrong” or visa versa.

#10 - They take responsibility for their lives

They don’t blame other people for what happens to them in their lives. They take personal responsibility for how they’re actions created a certain outcome. They are willing to look at how they influenced each and every situation and act accordingly.

#11 - They’re connected to their own inner guide

They’ve been able to clear their minds of the constant mind chatter in order to hear an inner voice that is greater than them. They are able to act in accordance to their inner guidance with trust and faith, despite not having external validation.

Seeking Authenticity- And the path to true happiness

What does it mean for someone to be truly authentic? And how many people do you know actually fit that description? Do you feel that you’re authentic? Let’s take a look at what this word truly suggests and just what blocks us from achieving authenticity.?

Naturally, the word authenticity evokes an image of something pure or unadulterated. A letter of authenticity confirms that a certain object or work of art is not a counterfeit. The act of authenticating is a process of determining that something is indeed genuine, as it is purported to be. Experts receive training to authenticate precious objects, memorabilia, and documents, among other rare items. Yet we have no such method for ascertaining the authentic nature of people. 

Short of being caught in a bold-faced lie or transgression, methods of determining an individual’s authenticity often go unexplored. One’s authentic nature is revealed in their ability to express and share what they think or feel in a relatively unadulterated form. Diplomacy, political correctness, false flattery, people pleasing, avoidance and silence may, in fact, be designed to mask the authentic, unfiltered self.

What does the dictionary have to say? Merriam-Webster defines authentic as a quality of being genuine and worthy of belief. Hence, a person who is completely trustworthy is deemed to be authentic. Yet to be genuine requires a certain transparency, whereby others can witness the unfiltered personality, without any masking.

Most of us are too concerned with what others think of us. As such, we may disguise or manipulate features of our personality to better assure that others aren’t judgmental or adversely reactive to us. If I worry about what others think of me, then I manipulate my personality and communication, either to seek approval or avoid disapproval. This masks my true or authentic self. Although this personality trait is commonplace, it is far removed from authenticity.

There appears to be an inverse correlation between one’s sensitivity to what others think of them and the ability to be authentic. Authenticity requires a genuine sharing of our inner self, irrespective of the consequences. Very often, our actions in a given moment are intended to avoid certain consequences. And so we alter or mitigate our communications or behavior to assure that those consequences won’t be negative or problematic. These tendencies diminish our authenticity and they constrain our growth and self-esteem. Being authentic requires a genuine sharing in the present moment. Ordinarily, though, our thoughts conspire in a tangle of excuses as to why we can’t do something. These are the consequences to which I was previously referring. This is the core of in-authenticity; our words or actions become disguised from their original intent since we choose to mask them. When this occurs, we literally subvert our genuine self.

We might think to ourselves, “What’s the big deal? It’s just a little white lie,” or, “I don’t want to hurt their feelings,” or, “They won’t really care about how I feel.” It’s actually much larger than that. The greater harm done may not be to the other but to our own self. When we alter our thoughts and feelings for the purpose of a safer communication, we limit our own development. It’s as if we suppress our authenticity in deference to a safe and non-challenging communication. This devolving from our more genuine self typically begins in childhood as we encounter any host of emotional challenges. If we experience abuse, disappointment, fear, or devaluation, we begin to alter our personality as we attempt to cope with these wounds. Although the coping mechanisms are adaptive at that time, over the course of a lifetime they become masks that distance us from a more actualized sense of self.

                     Troubled Relationships

Even more problematically, the opportunity for a more meaningful dialogue that might generate a better understanding between parties becomes blocked, as the truth never quite gets revealed. And so the relationship remains stuck. Two individuals who struggle with their own authenticity unconsciously conspire toward an inauthentic relationship. In fact, this is one of the largest impediments to successful relationships. Two individuals struggling with their own authenticity wouldn’t likely experience a thriving relationship. Very often, what we might refer to as a troubled relationship is, in fact, a manifestation of the challenges each individual face in their own personal evolution, but just further projected onto the external relationship.

I am not suggesting that we be callous or insensitive to others’ feelings. Learning how to communicate challenging matters in a delicate and compassionate manner opens the pathway to an evolving relationship. And a commitment to personal evolution honors authenticity. When we devote ourselves to such a path, we actually cast off the burden of fear and anxiety about what others may think of us and begin to honor our own authenticity.

An authentic person may be sensitive to what others think yet choose not to subordinate themselves to the opinions or judgments of others. This is a key source of genuine self-esteem. You might begin to think of the departure from being genuine as a self-betrayal. And self-betrayal is a terribly destructive action, after all. It has many faces. Being a people pleaser or avoiding confrontation betrays your own authenticity, as you submerge yourself in deference to others. Conversely, being controlling or acting out in anger distances you from being genuine. In these circumstances, you may be more comfortable wearing the mask of anger than revealing your vulnerability. Fear and insecurity are often at the core of anger. As an aside, when people communicate their vulnerable feelings, others actually tend to listen, and validation becomes a possibility. Angry people may be feared or avoided, but they are seldom validated. 

Genuine self-esteem requires avoiding self-betrayal. You can’t be true to yourself and betray your authenticity at the same time. This is not to suggest that you shouldn’t act from compassion and generosity toward others, but you shouldn’t undermine yourself in the process. 

It’s the exceptional individual who seeks authenticity. Much of the problem lies in the fact that being genuine is devalued in our culture, while success, achievement, and avoiding criticism are highly prized. Our prevailing cultural imperative does little to value authenticity. This goal appears nowhere in the curricula of our education. If our primary education provided coursework that taught us how to achieve emotional intelligence and the skill set of genuine communication, we might realign our priorities accordingly. The competitive spirit honors the winners, not the most sincere. And within that motif there is a belief that being authentic may impede success. Yet one need not preclude the other. If you untether yourself from insecurity and fear, you can set the stage for a self-empowered life. Freeing yourself from the tribulations of worrying about what others think of you emboldens you to be genuine.

1. Redefine your values. It's hard to behave in an authentic way if you do not know what you value and desire. ...
2. Foster an open mind. ...
3. Fill in the blank: If you really knew me you'd know this: ___________. ...
4. Notice when you are being inauthentic. ...
5. Trust your intuition.

Genuine things are true or authentic. When you're talking about people, being genuine has to do with being sincere. This word has to do with things and people that are true. A genuine blonde is a real blonde — no hair dye involved. A genuine friend is a real friend you can trust when the chips are down.

The benefits and challenges of being your authentic self at work

By Jane Burnett Sep 25, 2017

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Have you ever been told to “be authentic” at work?

Immediately, you picture those dinners spent laughing hysterically in the company of friends, being surrounded by family at a summer barbecue set to your favorite music, days on vacation enjoying yourself at the beach, or traveling to a new part of the world.

You think, am I supposed to bring that whole person here?

But being yourself in the office can come in many forms. Whether it’s being more (appropriately) open about your personal life, letting others see your professional struggles and successes in the spirit of vulnerability or breaking out of other self-imposed limitations, there are a myriad of ways to embrace who you really are — it’s just about picking the right way to go about doing so and being aware of where you work. 

There’s a fine line between being professional with your coworkers and leaving your personal life at home — and cutting off the things and feelings that matter to you because you’re afraid they make you less able to do your job.

It’s important to recognize that each decision comes down to balance and context, and it’s worth considering decisions of when to let your workplace guard down on a case-by-case basis.

We consulted the experts on the ins and outs of being authentic from 9 to 5 and beyond. 

Start small and keep it positive

Part of being yourself is saying what you would say in any given situation outside of work. You just have to remember what’s off-limits.

Emotional intelligence expert Harvey Deutschendorf recommends you steer clear of talking about “anything going on in your life that can be viewed as negative (legal, financial, struggles you’re having with people, past criminal activity, mental illness).”

“Don’t give people anything that they can use against you if they’re so inclined,” Deutschendorf says.

While it might be tempting to never share anything about your personal life, in order to avoid things that could potentially come back to hurt you, he said clamming up isn’t a long-term solution.

“That makes for a very toxic environment. People need to know something about you to trust you…people are afraid of people who never share anything and never open up…people have a hard time trusting and building relationships with people like that,” Deutschendorf told Ladders.

In other words, you have to give to get something back— so don’t completely ice people out in an effort to protect yourself. It will most likely backfire.

Vicky Oliver, author of “Bad Bosses, Crazy Co-Workers and Other Office Idiots” says you could start cracking open the door to your personal life at work by picking the key parts of your — or your family’s — personal interests that might dovetail with those in your office.

So, for example, “if you went to a fantastic college, or went to the same school as your boss,” you might want to bring that up, or “let’s say your spouse is a member of the same golf club as your boss…that’s the type of thing you may want to tell your boss someday.”

She also recommended bringing up mutual “social connections, people you know in common,” to establish a shared bond or affinity.

Oliver emphasized that the level of detail you share very much depends on where you work. One cue to staying within appropriate boundaries is to consider what other people in your workplace share, and whether you’d be comfortable letting others know that level of information.

Only share your vulnerable stories with people you trust

William W. George, Senior Fellow at Harvard Business School, Director at Goldman Sachs and author of books including “Discover Your True North,” says sharing significant moments in our lives in which we have overcome challenges shows that we are vulnerable and human and that we have also had times in our lives when we stumbled and continued on.

For example, he says, he chooses to share with his classes at HBS that his mother and fiancee passed within a year and half of one another — a series of life-changing events that forged who he is today.

He also chooses to share moments in his professional life in which he learned from his mistakes — adding that he once “lost my way” while working at the Fortune 100 company Honeywell, because he was “chasing titles instead of my purpose.”

In his book, “True North Groups,” George and co-author Doug Baker recommend creating small groups of trusted associates who will spur you to be better, share personal struggles of their own and support you when you’re struggling.

In other words, sometimes, it’s okay to let your guard down — as long as you trust the person or people you’re speaking to.

Or, as Warren Buffett says, “I believe in trusting people. Occasionally, someone will violate my trust, but on balance I am better off in continuing to trust others.”

Watch out for gossipers

One rule of thumb before you share is to ask yourself if you think you’re closer to your colleagues than you actually are.

“It’s important to notice whether your colleagues gossip about each other, or behave in other ways that are covertly competitive. If you pick up an undertone of gossip or covert competition, reel in your desire to be open and self-disclosing,” Katherine Crowley, Vice President of K Squared Enterprises, told Ladders.

Kathi Elster, President of K Squared Enterprises, recommends seeking out “a professional counselor or therapist” rather than talking to your colleagues. But if you have to talk about issues at work because you “you need extra time off” to resolve them, head straight to the human resources department or your direct manager — “never colleagues.”

While you can develop “trustworthy friendships over time” at your job, remember it’s a slow, daily process of earning trust, Crowley said.

“…Many people, especially early in their careers, are hungry for connections and friendship on the job. As difficult as it may be, it’s wise to keep personal information outside of the office until and unless you know who can be truly trusted and who can’t,” Crowley added.

How to avoid blurring the lines between “friends” and “colleagues”

Let’s say you’re working in a small company and you get to chatting with your boss about your trip out of town with your significant other over the weekend. You’re feeling like you’re on the same page.

But then the time comes to get to work, and your boss turns into a different person.

“Some people find it difficult to switch back and forth between being ‘friends’ and being ‘colleagues,’” self-described “Millennial Workplace Expert” Lindsey Pollak tells Ladders. “It can be challenging when your boss tells you about her weekend one minute and then reprimands you for a poorly written document the next. As a leader, you want to be mindful of managing that transition. For example, I know a manager who will humorously say, ‘Okay, I’m putting on my boss hat now. Let’s talk about that report.’”

No matter how friendly you are with your colleagues, and particularly your supervisors, it’s always crucial to remain aware of the professional boundary between you. In other words, beware of getting too comfortable.

Stand up for yourself if someone uses personal information against you

When things go wrong, it can sting. But it’s possible to react with grace, no matter how hurt you feel.

There will be occasions when you share something and get a less-than-supportive response. In that case, learn from it and move on, George says.

In cases like these, “I’m gonna regret that I shared that with them,” George says, and he makes sure to “be a little more discerning and careful about” who he communicates with next time.

Steve Tappin, CEO of the executive coaching company Xinfu and host of the BBC ‘s CEO Guru series, also said if your coworker uses personal information against you, you can stand up for yourself in a professional way.

He recommends telling your colleague, “I shared that with you in good faith, I’m a bit surprised and disappointed that you judged it in that way…I would have hoped that you might have dealt with it in this way…” before telling them how you hoped their response differed.

There’s no one “right way” to be yourself at work

Life coach Tony Robbins defines being yourself as “allowing yourself to be spontaneous, instead of responding to how you think you’re supposed to be,” according to an interview with Oprah Winfrey.

Just as no two people are the same, no two office settings are the same. But you can gain a lot from sharing aspects of your personal story at work — you just have to be wise about what you say and to whom you say it.

Just keep in mind that every workplace has different standards, what works for you may not work for others, and that people have varying standards when it comes to what they find appropriate, so they may not always react the way you want them to.

But letting people in by telling them about work-appropriate features of your life can help humanize you as a fellow employee, instead of alienating them by sharing nothing at all, ultimately leaving them in the cold.

What Does It Mean To Be Authentic At Work?

I’m not suggesting you wear beads in your hair, your tie-die shirt or a Harley jacket to work. I’m also not suggesting you hug everyone, drop f-bombs or crochet during meetings.

Authentic is defined as “of undisputed origin.” Authenticity therefore is to be of your undisputed origin. That means authenticity isn’t about what you wear or even your “personality.” Authenticity is who you are as a person at your core.

After years of trying to please others, be right, look good, be safe and many other things we work to do to “keep it together” and get ahead, it’s easy to draw a blank when posed with the question “who am I really?” It’s funny that this is such a hard question to answer. But face it we all come into the world in the same way. We are a unique, magical, biological amalgamation of DNA. Yet we strive to be different, special, loved, cherished, honored, and respected. In this effort to be something we are not, we lose touch with our authentic self.

Being authentic isn’t about removing masks. Being authentic is about:

• dropping the judgments (about yourself and other)
• ending the tiresome pursuit to please others
• accepting there is enough to go around and you don’t have to fight others for limited resources
• recognizing you are good enough and you deserve respect (without demanding it)
• accepting that you everything you need within you

In short, being authentic is about being free and open enough to connect with others and to tap into your inner wisdom and energy.

Why Authenticity In The Work Place Is A Must

The success of your company, your team and you depends on every employee, including yourself, being authentic.

I know this may sound a little woo-woo, but bear with me.

A workplace is made up of individuals. For that workplace to be successful and achieve the desired results, the individuals must work together and that means they must connect with each other. If you aren’t connecting with your co-workers you aren’t getting things done to your fullest potential. As Helen Keller says, “ Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.”

In-authenticity, on the other hand, breeds fear, fighting, and fatigue. Some of the price of in-authenticity in the workplace therefore is:

• less then maximum revenue growth
• unhappy customers and clients
• product defects and design flaws
• lost opportunities
• silos in which employees don’t communicate, collaborate or support each other
• employees or teams undermining each other

Companies spend thousands, if not millions of dollars, each year trying to get their employees to work better together. Yet they don’t address the heart of the matter and that is creating an environment that fosters authenticity. If you want a workplace where people collaborate, are energized, creative and innovative, provide excellent customer services and bring their best, start by being authentic.

How Can You Be Authentic At Work?

If you are not being authentic at work, it’s a scary idea to consider. I can tell you that the first time you are authentic it’s frightening.

The first time I was authentic at work was when I asked our CEO if I could present an analysis to the executive team of how we could create stronger client relations after we had a massive, costly failure. There were many reason I shouldn’t have done the analysis, much less presented it. For one, I wasn’t responsible for client relations. I also wasn’t on the executive committee.

Then there were the internal reasons I shouldn’t have boldly spent late night hours thinking about and creating the presentation. The internal reasons were all the internal conversations I was having:

Surely no one would listen to me. Who was I” to be doing this analysis and presentation, I was just the lawyer and no one listens to lawyers? What if I step on someone’s toes? What if they thought my analysis was stupid or wrong and I got fired?

Here’s the thing about that negative chatter. It’s rarely right. None of that awful stuff happened, the presentation was well received and changes were made. A few years later I was even overseeing client relations.

Despite success stories, I find most people are still wary of speaking their mind and being authentic at work. The key to being authentic is quieting the voices in your head and speaking up with your ideas, your thoughts and your creativity. The key is taking a risk that you know better than the gremlin in your head.

Being authentic is no stopping even when you get shot down time and again. As the saying goes, if you don’t succeed, try again. Change your approach. But don’t give up.

How will you be authentic today and move you and your company forward today?

Take action now!

Out of the list above, are any of these 11 signs of authenticity harder for you to do than others? Do some come a little more “natural” to you? How do you struggle to be authentic in your relationships and life? Share your thoughts in the comments below! AWAITING FOT THE SAME!!!