August and Everything After
Stephen Gray Wallace
Author, Commentator, Professor, Psychologist, Researcher, Scholar, Speaker
As the calendar flipped from July to August, millions of young people began preparing for the all-important life transition from high school to college and all that will follow. As the title, from a Counting Crows song, suggests, it’s all about change, preparation, adaptability, resilience, and readiness.
In terms of preparation, Michele Borba, Ed.D., an educational psychologist, parenting expert, and author, advises us of a set of seven skills that separate successful kids from “the ones who struggle” and how parents can teach them (Borba, 2022).
Self-Confidence ? Empathy ? Self-Control ? Integrity ? Curiosity ? Perseverance ? Optimism
Borba concludes by advising, “Change is hard but it’s important to be the example of what you want your child to learn.”
It is also a truism that a change for one is a change for all, including family members and friends. For many parents, it’s often difficult to judge just how much preparation their young adult will need before arriving on campus for orientation. But it is clear that parental expectations need to be talked about and probably written down.
Especially for first-time freshman parents, it can be hard to know where to start and what advice to give. Remind your student that all freshmen are in the same situation, so trying new things and going new places will help ease the adjustment. Here are some tips from the blog Grown and Flown for acclimating to college life freshman year (Korn, 2022).
Talking about social and emotional challenges that many first-year college students experience, including loneliness, may be helpful for the whole family. In my article “Lonely Street of Dreams,” I spoke to the trend that happens when parents make their first visit to their child’s college or university: “It is a cruel irony that some students may find that this time in their life when they have the most social interaction is also the time when they feel most isolated.” In other words, while “eyes on” their children during Parents’ Weekend may make parents believe their student is making friends and adjusting quickly, first-year, first-semester college students often report to others how lonely they feel at times.
Indeed, the newness of change means new schedules, new friend groups, and new workloads, each of which may fuel the undeniable escalation in students reporting mental health concerns, including suicidal ideation.
In her article “The Rise in Depression Among College Students (and How to Help),” Rosemary Black asks and answers, “College is liberating, fun and exciting, right? Not for everybody. In the fall of 2020, 47% of college students reported depression and/or anxiety, according to a University of Michigan Healthy Minds Study. And a recent survey of freshmen at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill found a 48% increase in the rates of moderate to severe depression since the pandemic began.”
Black states that the challenges of living and learning during a pandemic can exacerbate the “usual pressures of college: being away from home for the first time, economic stress, social concerns, and academic demands.
“But there are effective ways available to not only cope with depression once it’s started, but also to head it off. Here’s what students and parents can keep in mind to help navigate this important life stage” (Black, 2022).
COVID. Ann Kearney-Cooke, director of the Cincinnati Psychotherapy Institute in Ohio, says students experience lingering worries about the pandemic while trying to navigate their way in a new place. “‘There’s a lot of worry and anxiety over COVID. Am I going to get it? Is one of my parents going to get it?’ ... In a 2020 survey, 71% of Texas college students said they had increased stress and anxiety because of COVID-19. They reported fear and worry about their health and the health of loved ones. They also cited decreasing social interactions due to physical distancing and difficulty concentrating.”
And even with declining numbers of infections, those extra worries can be ongoing.
ISOLATION. Melissa Hopper, clinical associate professor in the department of pediatrics at the Kansas University School of Medicine-Wichita, says students, trying to acclimate to their new environment far away from home, can have an especially difficult time without friends and family nearby. She explains, “‘There can be increased feelings of loneliness as the students try to find their place in the larger college community.’”
GRADES. “Concerns over grades can also contribute to depression, says Kearney-Cooke. ‘Students might need to take courses in areas that they may not think they are good at,’ she says. That struggle can impact self-esteem and trigger depression or anxiety.’”
Hopper points out a worry that may go undetected – depression over grades and courses in subjects they are unfamiliar with: “And looming large is how classes and grades can affect life after college: Students also may feel pressure to figure out their career and ‘life plan,’ Hopper says. Making important career decisions can feel overwhelming, as it may make the future seem more uncertain.”
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LACK OF SLEEP. Black reminds us not to forget about the importance of sleep, saying, “Worries about all sorts of things, including money, relationships and academics, can affect sleep. Not getting enough shut-eye can make it harder to regulate your emotions and leave you more vulnerable to depression. Even one night of poor sleep can affect mood. One study from Johns Hopkins found that people with sleep interruptions experienced a 31% decrease in positive moods the next day.”
The waning days of summer offer parents a unique opportunity to gauge their student's readiness for adjustment and to provide support before they embark on their college journey.
Of course, talking about risk-taking, both the good (including making new friends or trying a new sport) and the not-so-good (including substance abuse and unsafe or non-consensual sexual behaviors) should be on the list. Potential mental health struggles with anxiety and depression are also essential issues to put on the table. As is discussing with young people about to be on their way to college additional issues around such things as your expectations for your child’s personal conduct, budgeting and money, responsible choices, and healthcare release forms.
Finally, spend some time talking with youth about not only intellectual intelligence (IQ) but also emotional intelligence (EI) they’ll need to develop. The College of Professional Studies at Johnson & Wales University outlines four key components of EI (JWU, 2022).
Self-Awareness refers to how well a person understands their own emotions. Self-awareness is the cornerstone of EI, and the others depend on how well one can master self-awareness. Being self-aware entails being mindful of how your emotions affect others. Many believe that self-aware individuals make better decisions and are more creative and confident.
Self-Management builds on self-awareness, and good self-management means that, since you are aware of your emotions, you can control and manage them and your resulting actions and behavior. A helpful self-awareness method involves stepping back and pausing to take a deep breath when angry rather than lashing out immediately verbally or physically. Angry decisions and interpersonal communications are rarely compatible.
Social Awareness has empathy as the key component. Good social awareness is being able to relate to what someone else is feeling and acting accordingly, which is different than imagining yourself in someone else’s shoes. Social awareness is about another person’s feelings, not what you would feel in their place. People with strong social awareness skills tend to be kind and well-respected.
Relationship Management is also referred to as social skills, which include influence, conflict management, teamwork, and inspiring others. These skills are helpful in creating strong bonds in every relationship in a person’s life, including project teams at school, family dynamics, and romantic relationships.
Above all else, it is critical that young people know their parents are proud of them and confident that these transitions will help young people build new, better versions of themselves, both for August and everything after.
Stephen Gray Wallace, M.S. Ed., is a doctoral candidate in the Institute for Ethical Leadership at St. Thomas University in Miami. He is also an associate research professor and president and director of the Center for Adolescent Research and Education (CARE). Stephen has broad experience as a school psychologist and adolescent/family counselor. He is a member of the professional development faculties at the American Academy of Family Physicians and American Camp Association and a parenting expert at kidsinthehouse.com, NBC News Learn, and WebMD. He is also an expert partner at RANE (Risk Assistance Network & Exchange) and was national chairman and chief executive officer at SADD for 16 years. Stephen is an award-winning writer and author of the books Reality Gap, IMPACT, and Bad Blood? Additional information about Stephen’s work can be found at StephenGrayWallace.com.
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REFERENCES
Black, R. (2022). The rise in depression among college students (and how to help). Optum Journal. March 4, 2022. https://store.optum.com/blog/article/mental-health/depression-college-students-why-it-happens-pandemics-role-and-how-help/ (16 Aug. 2022).
Borba, M. (2022). A psychologist says these 7 skills separate successful kids from ‘the ones who struggle’—and how parents can teach them. CNBC MakeIt. April 16, 2022. https://www.cnbc.com/2022/04/16/these-skills-separate-successful-kids-from-those-who-struggle-says-psychologist-parenting-expert.html (16 Aug. 2022).
JWU. (2022). How college students can improve their emotional intelligence. College of Professional Studies. Johnson & Wales University. June 30, 2022. https://online.jwu.edu/blog/how-college-students-can-improve-their-emotional-intelligence (16 Aug. 2022).
Korn, M. (2022). 12 things every student should do in their freshman year of college. Grown and Flown. March 6, 2022. https://grownandflown.com/12-things-every-student-should-do-freshman-year-college/ (16 Aug. 2022).
Wallace, S. (2014). Lonely street of dreams. HuffPost. March 12, 2014. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/lonely-street-of-dreams-college-depression_b_4570944 (16 Aug. 2022).