The Audacity of 'No'

I’m the CEO of the national talentmatchmaking firm, the Offor Walker Group. I'm often asked by those seeking to go off on your own, “What are some of your biggest regrets?” I’m here to say that the answer is when I did not have the courage to say, No.

I owe a huge thank you to the many leaders* (below) who have played a role in helping me strengthen my spine. Thank you. Below is a typical week at OWG.

On Monday I was lectured on customer service. By a prospective client who had not paid on time. Why didn’t you begin our work they asked, but the real question was why are you only willing to spend your time and labor on your own terms?  We offered to move forward in good faith once we had payment, or give them their money back. We said NO to say yes to spending our time on our own terms.

On Tuesday a potential client asked me if we were a “ride or die” search firm.  I quickly googled "urban dictionary" + "ride or die" to see what this meant in the professional context. Apparently, "ride or die" still means someone who is down for whatever and will be there through thick and thin. I told this prospective client that No, I wasn't down for whatever. Smart people do not double down on failed strategies. If we’re not getting the results you want after a period of time the smart thing to do -- for both parties -- is to ignore the sunk costs and move on. This seemed to trouble this particular client and yet, they still wanted to move forward to work with us. Because we know who we are, we knew we were not who they wanted us to be. We said No.

On Wednesday, a prospective client said he heard we were "rigid." He said, “I’ve heard you all are very rigid -- is it your way or the highway?” I love questions like these because I can provide examples of all sorts of ways that we are, in fact, very “rigid.” Why? Because of what I've seen my largely white CEO clients do:

• "References" that amount to hearsay because the "reference" has no firsthand knowledge of working with the applicant.
• Calling the current boss of an applicant without her permissoin and ruining her relationship with her current employer.
• Offering candidates of color less than than the stated salary range or asking candidates to share their salary history.
• Rolling admissions (e.g., falling in love with one candidate early in the process and ignoring everyone else).

His response: “I’m going to call BS. You didn’t answer my question. Should I repeat it for you?” A client who attempts to talk down to you or cannot accept your answer is not looking for a partner -- they are looking for the help. We said No.

On Thursday a white leader asked if I could be “gentle” when speaking with a potential white connection. He said he wanted to know if I could be “gentle” with this person because they were still on their “racial equity journey.” I said, “I reject the idea that I’m not gentle or that I need to be. That commentary says more about the person than it does about me.” We said NO to the mischaracterization. To paraphrase Audre Lorde, “Define yourself for yourself or risk being eaten alive by others' fantasies of you.”

On Friday I was asked to lower our search fees. And then, the prospective client asked that we begin working to build out a visit that our firm would pay for as we worked out fees. We said No to spending our time without agreeing first on the terms.

On Saturday a client called to say that they were worried about the quality of the search because of 1 typo on page 72. I like error free reading like the next person, but is that what is going on your tombstone? Even the New York Times makes mistakes and they have a person whose job it is to literally edit. We sat the client down and said, “Do you want us to focus on helping you hire a great person or do you want our team to spend that time re-reading notes from our internal conversation to ensure that not one typo exists?” This scenario reminds me of the old T.I. lyric, "Your values are in disarray, prioritizing horribly." By saying No to what doesn't matter in the long run, we said yes to our values and prioritizing well.

On Sunday I walked into an Apple store in New Orleans to purchase a few items before a trip. The Apple "genius" said "Hey, girl, how can I help you?" I was not amused. When I was finished I asked, "Can I give you some feedback?" I said, "I am a 36-year-old CEO and the mother of two children, one of whom is standing next to me. I do not appreciate being called girl. I find it offensive. And if I find offensive, there are others who do too." His face flushed bright red and he shook my hand and thanked me for the feedback.

Will I be proud to say I did this 20 years from now?

What will I want to tell my daughter or son I did in this moment?

These questions force me to think of the future -- making the things that seem big and complex now, more obvious and clear.

*No names were used and some details were changed for obvious reasons.

Ifeyinwa (Ify) Offor Walker is the CEO & Founder of The Offor Walker Group – a national talent matchmaking firm in the social impact and for-profit sector. Under her leadership, 81% of all OWG C-suite hires into historically white institutions have been leaders of color; women and men of color have negotiated more aggressive compensation packages; and leaders within historically white institutions have confronted and begun to erect bias disruptors to ensure that they hire from the very best – and by definition diverse – talent pools. She is the creator of the viral LinkedIN series #DearBlackWomen and #DearAmara and has been featured in Fast Company and O Magazine. Before launching her own firm, she spent several years raising $40M and opening new offices for Teach For America. She is a graduate of the University of Wisconsin – Madison and University of Wisconsin Law School.