Attunement
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When you demonstrate by your insight and understanding into a child's thoughts and feelings, that you are aware of what they are thinking and the emotions they are experiencing, this is very valuable to a child, as it provides the invisible glue that cements you both together, allowing the child to know they are not alone and form a strong sense of connection and belonging to you.
And when a parent has this ability to understand what's going on for the child and can accurately describe the child's emotions, we can say that the adult is well attuned to their child.
But how is attunement defined?
The definition that made most sense to me is as follows:
It is the ability to tune in and connect with another person on an emotional level, creating a sense of understanding, validation, and support.
You can't really tune in to another's emotional feelings without being present, and able to read their body language, tone of voice, cadence and behaviours etc.
When well attuned to another you can read their responses and understand their feelings, prior to them uttering a word. Essentially you have the ability to empathise with them and understand what's most important to them.
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This capacity is is a great strength to have as a parent. It sets you apart from parents and carers, who do not have this capacity, and allows you to build strong attachments with your child/ren.
This skill, in my view, is vital, and the lack of it in parents and caregivers accounts for much of the harm, and distress children are exposed to.
When parents and caregivers are unable to be aware of how their behaviour impacts on a child, they are in a position to cause a great deal of harm to their child, because they are unable to see how the child is responding or likely to react to their actions or inaction.
In my experience, many parents believe they are well attuned to their child, but their behaviour and inability to understand what's in their child's best interests, as well as keep that at the forefront of their mind, results in their child being harmed.
Parents and or caregivers are well attuned to their children, when they can not only accurately tell how a child thinks and feels, but can also act consistently in accordance with what's in a child's needs, wishes and best interests, currently and throughout their childhood.