Attitude of an Effective Coach

This is an excerpt from Being an Effective Value Coach: Leading by Creating Value by Al Shalloway and Paula Stewart

It is part of the Amplio University's Coaching, Consulting, and Training Curriculum where more chapters can be seen.

Attitude is an essential aspect of successful coaching. Some attitudes are related to your personality, but we mean something different here. We mean how you approach things. And this is something you can shift to. You might slip at times and not act consistently with your stated attitude. There are specific practices that go beyond the scope of this book which significantly impact your ability to consistently come from these attitudes.?

The right attitude goes a long way with the people you work with. You want to partner with the people you work with. The best coaches are not just passive facilitators, they are guides and leaders. They have sought out what works, courageously tested their hypothesis, successfully implemented repeatable patterns and models, and learned how to communicate to inspire others effectively.? They know when to wear the hat of coach, consultant, facilitator, trainer, mentor, or a combination to serve both the organization and their teams best. This chapter presents the attitude you need to have to solve problems for your team(s) while not forcing things on them.?

While it’s great to have these attitudes, we acknowledge that almost no one has them all of the time. Sometimes the world gets the better of us. They are more of a promise to yourself that this is how you will be. When you find you’ve fallen short of your intentions, recommit to them. Don’t judge yourself as having fallen short. It’s natural to not always come from these. The key is to have these be how you live more and more often. The key is also to find the inner work that promotes these attitudes through holistic wellness, an underlying driver to consistency.

It’s worth noticing the time it takes from when you fall short to when you recommit.? If you can shorten this gap over time, then you are well on your way to manifesting your intentions.

Being effective and respectful always makes a difference to your career and how you feel about yourself and your work.?

Being a visionary

A visionary believes that there is a better way. They think they can take people from where they are to something better. A visionary sees this future even when others don’t. A visionary inspires others to see it as well.

Many people are too busy working to stop momentarily and see where they are headed. Others think that if “the going gets tough, the tough get going.” A visionary looks for a better way. One that can be achieved more easily and with better results. The unshakable belief that we can improve ourselves and others can be contagious.

Being a visionary is often uncomfortable and requires believing there is a way when others don’t. In such cases, you may pull others forward to become visionaries themselves.

But being a visionary does not mean being a dreamer without rational optimism. We are rationally optimistic about finding a path forward. In determining what is rational, it is incredibly important to consider your position in the context or what we write about, the runway. You may have the experience, a workable vision, and the ability to communicate and implement your vision; however, if you are not in the right place in the organization, you may be done before you start.?

Taking responsibility

Taking responsibility means acting as if you are responsible in the matter. Responsibility is not blaming yourself or others. It is your way of being when there are miscommunications or something does not go according to plan. When what a coach has said is not understood, they take responsibility for the lack of communication. They are committed to achieving a better understanding. Instead of blaming others for the miscommunication, they look to see how to be more precise in what they are trying to say. A visionary must take responsibility to avoid getting sidetracked quickly. A visionary with responsibility will keep looking for better ways despite a lack of agreement. Taking responsibility and being a visionary sometimes means going somewhere else.

Humility?

Humility is an acknowledgment that everyone has value. We may be experts in one area, but no one is the best at everything. People with humility can still have self-confidence and know they are good at accomplishing things. Humility is not a put down of oneself but more of an uplifting of others. People with humility realize they do not have all the answers and must work with others to achieve them. People with humility can put their egos aside. This is particularly important in recognizing that unless the coach is already an expert in a particular domain, they will have to accept the judgment of those with more expertise in that domain. It also means that if you are leading an Agile Transformation, regardless of your experience, you remain open to other coaches, product owners, managers, and leaders, and are willing to acknowledge when their idea is better or at least should be considered.Having humility enables a coach to continue to learn and embrace the value of others.

One of the most significant signs of humility is to let go of your own ego for the greater good. It is not always easy to do especially when people around you are triggered or reacting. However, taking a step back and recognizing that another person, idea, or overall contribution is more important shows respect, gratitude, generosity, and even love.?

Another way to show humility is to see everyone as a contribution and to be willing to learn and hear from many voices. Finally, humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.

One way good leaders lead is to provide the space for others to show what they know.

Promote your subject matter experts, SMEs

One aspect of humility is to promote others. We have seen coaches and consultants insert themselves between the team and leadership frequently. It is often the way people think that is how the role should be played. We suspect this is more a holdover from traditional project management and a lack of understanding of the value of empowered teams and subject matter experts (SMEs), versus about their ego. In other cases, it is about pushing their own agenda or creating visibility for themselves.?

It’s always about them A personal story by Paula Stewart

I was working in a large, legacy organization where this was the pattern. There was a very talented technical leader supporting a couple of the teams. He was not always comfortable communicating with leadership. Knowing how talented he was, I was committed to promoting him for both his sake and the sake of the organization. Did this mean that perhaps I was giving up some leverage with leadership? Yes. However, I knew that I did not have the technical chops that he did, if I got out of the way there would be full communication, a chance to ask questions, and eliminating playing operator. By the way, given the various roles I have played as an engineer in organizations, playing operator is very common. I can tell you this is extremely costly to the organization.?

I took the time to coach him on communicating to the Vice President and I set up the meeting. I went to ensure everything went smoothly in this first meeting. They didn’t need me there and I felt joyful. Given a systems perspective, I knew this was better for the organization, for the team(s), and better for the career development of that very talented lead developer. I did make sure that there was follow-up just by asking questions afterward and I even helped in putting things into place with my role being not visible at all. At the end of the day, in that organization, was this in my personal interest? No. And yet, I would do it all over again.?

Because it is always about them.

One way that coaches and consultants can make a profound difference to teams is to promote the expertise of subject matter experts and make them more visible to leadership.

Empathy and compassion.?

Empathy is walking in someone else’s shoes and seeing the world from their perspective. It means understanding their emotional sense of being.? It is critical to all the roles we have specified for a Coach. Empathy facilitates excellent communication. Compassion goes beyond empathy. It takes someone’s concern for the suffering or well-being of others, hearing everything they need to say, and/or taking committed action to alleviate the suffering or promote the well-being of the person in need. This requires authentic kindness and a desire to make a positive difference without disempowering the person you support.

Part of empathy and compassion is also recognizing the situation people are in. Very often people act in a way that’s not consistent with who they really are because of the burdens the situation is putting on them. When a coach looks for this, they can often help a person become much more effective by either seeing how they can improve their situation or helping them communicate effectively the reality of the situation to others and accepting it themselves.?

Congruence, integrity, and authenticity.??

Good leaders must “walk their talk.” This means that your words and actions are consistent with each other. Coaches can influence people by modeling behavior. This goes beyond how to do things. It includes your way of being when things get tricky.? This requires integrity - focusing on helping your clients more than easing your ego.?

It often takes courage. Being authentic means being honest about how things are. In particular, admitting when you don’t know something or are dealing with something unfamiliar. People tend to try to please others - usually without even realizing they are doing this. Authentic people tend to be more candid and open about what they really think.

Trust is essential in any leadership or coaching relationship. It allows people to share with you what they may not be sharing with their leadership, be mentored by you, and be coached which provides multiple opportunities to impact the system and the individual positively. Congruence means your energy, body language, tone of voice, words, and actions line up consistently and over time in various scenarios.?

Sometimes, being authentic is not comfortable. You may know something that you’d rather ignore. Perhaps you’ve been asked to do something, but it’s beyond your capabilities. We’re not talking about when you have imposter syndrome. You may be a competent coach. It’s when what’s needed is outside of your abilities. Being authentic means you must mention this to create a plan where the work can be done effectively.

Or, you may be talking to a prospective client. If you notice that they are going down a path that a prior client did, one that wasn’t successful, you need to mention it. But this will likely not be comfortable.

Congruence - A consistent focus on the well-being and transformation of each group or team? member while demonstrating attentiveness and continuity in interactions by recalling details from previous conversations is a sign of congruent behavior in coaching. It shows that the coach is fully present and engaged with the clients, aligning their actions and communication with the goals and values of the client. This type of attentiveness is valuable in teams and organizations.

Integrity - In coaching, integrity shows up by being mindful of individual boundaries and referring people to others when it makes sense. This careful balance between facilitating growth and respecting personal limits is a key aspect of ethical coaching in any setting.?

Authenticity - Being genuinely happy and excited about someone else’s growth shows deep authenticity in interactions. It reflects a sincere investment in the client's success and progress, conveying that the coach's interest and encouragement are heartfelt and not merely a professional obligation.

Integrity is not always comfortable.

A personal story by Al Shalloway

Walking your talk is not always easy. I remember my early days as a consultant. Things were going well with a client. After working with them for a few days, I laid out a plan of action, and they seemed positive about it. But then things started taking a bad turn. I can’t remember exactly what the conversation was, but I remember that it sounded like something that had happened about a year before that hadn’t gone well.

Management understood what I was saying about using a combination of Lean and Kanban, and we had made plans to implement it. They had even contracted us to provide coaching. But throughout the process, they never backed what we said.

This was a major lesson for me. Funding does not mean agreement or even support. I realized later that they were just going through the motions because it looked good to their leadership but that they considered the change risky to them personally and would mostly benefit their employees. After this, I looked deeper into what management’s true motives were.

So as this new client was talking, I remember thinking, “Uh oh, this conversation sounds like what happened last year with XXX. I’ve got to point this out.” But the next thought was, “I can only point this out if I mention the failed endeavor with them. That won’t look good. My clients are supposed to succeed.” This “conversation” took only about half a second. At this point, I was in the dilemma of knowing I needed to say something and knowing that put the contract at risk. Fortunately, I had enough experience to know I would eventually tell them everything, so I told myself, “You’re going to tell them this eventually, so stop debating it and tell them now.”

I had every expectation of them throwing me out on the spot - “We don’t want a consultant who fails.”

Instead, they appreciated the honesty. They ended up being one of our better clients.?

It’s not always easy, but if you can’t be true to yourself, you can’t be true to others.?

And although you may not see it then, people respect your integrity more than anything else. You won’t succeed with those who want something else.

We have found that being honest in difficult situations becomes easier. But regardless of how difficult it is, being honest is essential.?

These attitudes work together?

When people have a vision, remain committed to it regardless of what they encounter, are responsible in how they achieve it, believe it can be accomplished, have confidence in themselves, are congruent, and know they must include others, great things are possible. Regardless of the circumstances, people who are committed to their vision don’t give up. Finally, congruent people powerfully influence others. This is required to make a positive difference.

These attitudes work together over a lifetime. Systems thinking is related to all of these attitudes. Staying humble and authentic allows you to grow. If you are empathic and compassionate, you will continue to consider your impact on others and strive to make a positive impact in all areas of your life. Understanding the system impact of a situation and having empathy for yourself and others make it easier for you to accept responsibility and come up more holistic solutions. Being authentic is the only way to be congruent and have integrity. Having empathy and compassion means you will freely contribute to others and know that when you do this with humility, you see your own blind spots and triggers by successfully having them work through theirs.? Ultimately, this means you stop blaming anyone for anything. You own your own part in a situation. and authentically, each person always has a part in the situation. This means creating a practice to live from these attitudes today and in the future.

These Attitudes in Action When Someone Says They Do Not Want to Learn

These attitudes work together to help you work in difficult situations:

• Being a Visionary tells us there is a solution to the issue, even if it’s not apparent.
• Responsibility lets us know it’s up to us to find it.
• A belief in understanding gives us the confidence to find it.
• Humility reminds us that we’re not superior to anyone else and that everyone can contribute.
• Empathy and compassion remind us that when a person causes pain for others, they are likely in pain themselves. We must remember to see that the situation they are in is causing the issues we are seeing.
• Having our actions and communications congruent, integral, and authentic keeps us on the path that looks for alignment and collaboration while creating possibilities for those around us.

Lifelong practice

The best coaches and leaders will tell you that they take a stand to ”be” these qualities. In other words, they intentionally practice showing up this way in their actions and communications. They also take a stand for their customers and clients. They know that living consciously as a stand for demonstrating these attitudes is never “done,”; it is an ongoing, intentional practice. There is no magic pill. Understanding these qualities without consciously practicing them does not make you an effective coach or leader. It is only in the very intentional practice of these qualities that you see where you get stopped, get to give that up, and recommit to practice the attitudes again. The more you do this, the more you come from these attitudes and the more they are who you are. Approaching this with empathy for yourself and others is foundational. Ultimately, you will find yourself trading being a victim in your life to being someone who creates their life. When you find you’ve fallen short of your intentions, recommit to them. Don’t judge yourself as having fallen short. This is natural.

It’s worth noticing the time it takes from when you fall short to when you recommit.? If you can shorten this gap over time, then you are well on your way to manifesting your intentions.

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