Attitude is Everything

As the new year begins, I watch my sons leave for another semester at school and think back to all those other first days. They have both grown so much since they started preschool, elementary school, middle school, and now even high school. I’m immensely proud of who they have already become and very excited about who they are becoming.

However, I have to be honest and admit that while parenting is one of the most rewarding parts of my life, it is also probably the most challenging. I think the challenge lies in the fact that the stakes are seemingly so high. I feel a deep and unwavering obligation to prepare my children for the world that awaits them. I want to make sure they are ready to navigate life’s ups and downs with humility and optimism and emerge from its trials unbroken. If there is one lesson that I try to share with them to accomplish this goal, it is that attitude can make all the difference.

As my boys grow and learn, there are many times they bump up against their limits. Whether it is playing in a sporting event, figuring out a new challenge in math, or navigating a difficult friendship, they sometimes come to me frustrated and defeated. While solving their problem for them seems like the fastest and kindest way help them, I sometimes have to restrain myself. Instead, I always remind myself that to ultimately succeed, they need to build the skills to solve their own problems.

When my older son was much younger, I can clearly remember a particular struggle he was dealing with – and the encouragement I provided to overcome the impediment in front of him. Thoroughly frustrated, he looked up at me and said, “I can’t!”

I responded with the same advice that had been given to me years earlier, “the person who says I can and the person who says I can’t are both right. Which one are you?”

Why am I sharing all of this on LinkedIn? Because I think that attitude makes all the difference at work, as well. I’m very fortunate to have worked with strong leaders on my team throughout my career. I’ve also worked with a few who have struggled and failed along the way. Looking back, the difference between these two groups was not their skills, but their attitude.

I’m not suggesting that I have this mastered. At times, I struggle with maintaining a positive attitude. But there are three guiding principles that I try to keep in mind as I navigate challenging situations that I find helpful and want to share with you:

1.    Believe that you can

I have a sign in my office that was given to me by a friend that says, “It can be done.” I look at it often. Even if you feel you are in the midst of failing, you should never lose belief in your ability to overcome. In the month that celebrates the legacy of Martin Luther King Jr., I am reminded of the old gospel hymn sung at civil rights rallies, We Shall Overcome. I find the use of the word “shall” instead of “will” in the lyrics very interesting. I would even argue that the word “shall” is why this particular song has such resonance and meaning as an anthem to advance the cause of equal rights. The word “will” suggests a blind confidence, not grounded in fact or the reality of the struggle at hand. “Shall”, however, suggests a determination to succeed, and reflects that it requires both choice and commitment to overcome.

I believe that with the right attitude you can view obstacles, or even failure, just as the process of gathering the information that will allow you to succeed in the future. Remember that everyone, even the most successful people in the world, have struggled or failed at some point. Some have failed spectacularly. The difference is that successful people move on from failure, learn from it, and apply those learnings to achieve future success.

2.    View the world with optimism

General Colin Powell once said, “optimism is a force multiplier” and I believe that this is true. The actions that are taken with an optimistic view of the world are far more effective and impactful than the actions that are stunted by pessimism and doubt. If you truly embrace setbacks as a stepping stone towards success, then you will be able to maintain an optimistic mindset even in the most challenging moments. More importantly, you’ll be setting yourself up for success by believing in your ability to succeed.

3.    Try to make a difference

No matter how much I invest in teaching my children, I know that they teach me more. A few years ago, my youngest son decided to create a bucket list. There were lots of the typical things you’d expect a 10-year-old boy to want to accomplish on his list. He wanted to see a gorilla up close, swim with dolphins, and smash a bottle. But, at the very end of his list, he included something that – to this day – still remains with me. He said that he wanted “to make a difference.” My son’s wisdom clarified a lot for me in that moment. Self-confidence and a positive world-view are important but can be hollow if only focused on your own gain and success. Making a positive difference to those around you can give your efforts greater purpose and value, which is the true measure of success.