Attention and Validation
Validation, recognition, and acknowledgement are fundamental needs. Mostly as children we have not had enough of these. Take your own children, or somebody else’s, to a play park and you will learn this very quickly. Look at me! cries the child excitedly propelling herself down the slide, whipping up a storm on the swing, or recklessly riding the roundabout. As many times as you can respond with, Great! Yes! Well done! Brilliant! the child returns with the repeated demand, Look at me! It seems as if the need for validation and recognition could go on forever.
Most of us did not receive the attention we hoped for and needed. We wanted more, we deserved more. Sometimes more in the sense of more and more times, but often simply more in the sense of a quality of attention -- the need to have all the attention or someone's total attention.
In Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) we give our attention. We give all our attention, every bit of it, and if we cannot do that, then either we should be doing something else or we should learn how to do it. All therapy, at least in the first stages, is remedial. Remedial means making up for lost time, filling in a deficit, giving love and awareness into a seeming void... though it turns out only to be a child’s need for validation, for recognition, for some affirmation that “I exist.”
Excerpt from SAT Online Training, Level 1 lecture manuscript
https://www.sacredattentiontherapy.com/SAT-Online-Training-Is-It-For-You.html
Director, Founder-Principal at The Center for Human Awakening
8 年Thank you for your comment Peter. I have read and re-read and cannot see where you mean "last bit should read 'join in'."
Counsellor & therapist at Lccp (liverpool centre for counselling and psychotherapy)
8 年last bit should read 'join in'
Counsellor & therapist at Lccp (liverpool centre for counselling and psychotherapy)
8 年I think we require attention and validation throughout our lives. please can we drop the labels! they have no use anymore! imagine a child given a diagnosis (label) that sticks with them through life? I find that 'professionals' also tend to hide behind theoretic labels and psychobabble speak, we have a language lets talk in plain and simple speak so the general public can in in hey?
Serving your personal journey toward enlightenment
8 年It is interesting to observe in the therapy / counselling clients I work with how he or she continues to play out the ravages of the ‘inner child’ who seeks attention because of the perceived lack of validation, recognition, and acknowledge that was missed in early childhood. The analogy of a child playing in the playground and wanting his or her parents to acknowledge their antics and joy is a very good one, a formative moment indeed. If the need for validation is not met, he or she will seek it in later in life. Just one of the ways this attention seeking and validation may play itself out is through the Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) element of character strategies. Character strategies are our vehicle, how we resist meeting the world through defences and protect our persona as if it were ourselves, developed through stages of human development up to the age of five and later refined and unconsciously reinforced. This attention seeking and validation may be rooted in the oral character strategy for the chronologically, not psychologically, mature adult—what I might call the ‘kid-adult.’ The themes for the oral character strategy revolve around our need for nourishment, feeding, or grounding. The ‘oral’ personality is one of dependence, endearment, and neediness. The oral character struggles with the never-ending questions of “Can I make it on my own?” or “Can I take care of myself?” and will believe ‘there is no one here for me,’ ‘I am not being heard,’ ‘my needs are not important,’ or ‘it won’t last.’ The person seeking and looking for validation may also be rooted in the phallic character strategy. With this strategy, the kid-adult’s focus is on work, doing, action, and accomplishment. The ‘phallic’ character is serious, often prone to workaholism, uncertain of their worth, feels unappreciated and under constant pressure to perform. The ‘phallic’ person struggles with feeling good enough, that he or she is not being listened to, or that he or she is not important enough to listen to. As SAT therapists we play the critical role of ‘being with’ the client through awareness, non-judgement, and acceptance. We join with the seeker on his or her journey through these remedial stages of divesting early childhood conditioning.