Attention, Please
Scott Monty
I help leadership teams in flux so they can communicate better and work together to improve performance and drive growth.
In a world of distractions, your attention means everything
“Choice of attention—to pay attention to this and ignore that—is to the inner life what choice of action is to the outer. In both cases man is responsible for his choice and must accept the consequences.” — W.H. Auden
Early in my career as an executive at Ford, I was at a conference in Paris, and I remember meeting someone for the first time whom I had only known online.
Angela and I found a high-top table away from the noisy hallway crowd and chatted for a bit, catching up on all that had happened in the five years since we first connected online: new jobs, new cities, family life, observations on the industry, and the like.?
She noticed something during this time — something that escaped me.
When we were done, she wound up the conversation with astonishment:
“Scott, I’ve been talking nonstop and during that time you put your phone away and gave me your undivided attention for ten minutes! Who?does?that?”
Her reaction still sticks with me, some 15 years later.
All I did was listen to her as she talked.
But it was the way I listened that stood out. I gave her my undivided attention — a seemingly insignificant gesture, but one that left a profound impact on her.
By making our conversation more important than anything else, it blew her away.
When we parted, I couldn’t help but feel a bit of melancholy: wistful that something as simple and common as attention, consideration, and kindness were now considered exceptional rather than the norm.
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“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” — Simone Weil
Mister Rogers operated on what was known as “Fred Time”: he was slow and attentive, and his assistants knew not to rush him along if he was spending time listening to someone’s story. He was calm, patient, and so focused that the conversation seemed to occur at an “otherworldly pace.”?
He once told Charlie Rose of PBS “the white spaces between words are more important than the text.”? He used silence as a tool, a way of listening to others that he called “graceful receiving.” (Maxwell King, The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers, 2019)
Every day, every hour, we get to choose how we get to spend the seconds and minutes allotted to us. And what we spend our time on tells others what is important to us.
As busy people, we all have limited time.
As humans, we all have limited time on this planet, when we can make an impact with our work and more importantly, with the people we care about.
How will you spend your time?
Your attention is the ultimate gift.
There’s so much to learn,
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Vice President of Client Success
1 年Love this. I have found that when I am in meetings or even meeting with one person, when I put my phone away, we have a much more productive dialogue. Just putting the phone away makes a huge difference. Years ago I worked with a group of people who always had their phones on them checking texts while we were in meetings... even one-on-one conversations. After a while, I'd mess with them and say random things just to see if they were paying attention or not. When people don't engage and allow their devices to be a distraction, I tend to stop engaging or doing business with those individuals when I can.
Philanthropy | Social Impact | Nonprofit Management | Corporate Partnerships | Moonshots | Mediation
1 年I always appreciate your undivided attention when we chat. Separately, I’m working my way through a certificate in mediation practice. No surprise, listening - true respectful listening - is the single biggest tool toward a successful outcome.
Pro Tech Product Manager at Ford Motor Company
1 年I always, always loved the time and attention you gave me. What is also interesting for me as I have journeyed ever increasingly into deafness is that as I have to pay more and more attention to the act of hearing I have become an even better listener. How does that work? Going increasingly more deaf has made me a more considerate and complete listener, deafness is releasing a super power. Communication takes many forms, the best communicators pause before speaking.
Program Change Leader at Edward Jones
1 年Scott Monty This resonates with me as a colleague and even more as a parent. Thanks for the reminder!
I host a community for people who value respect, consideration for others, a sense of purpose, good health and relationships, and happiness. You’re invited. Come share your ideas. Members in 63 countries. It's free.??
1 年Scott, it amazes me that Angela was so blown away by receiving your undivided attention. However, kudos to her for noticing and commenting. That's such a good way to reinforce behavior.... not that you needed reinforcement! Besides being an ultimate form of respect, paying attention can be so beneficial for the listener, at many levels. Thanks for sharing your story.