Attack Behaviors, Not Opinions

“People can tell you to keep your mouth shut, but that doesn't stop you from having your own opinion”-Anne Frank

Over the years, I've encountered managers and leadership experts who’ve been frustrated—and even angry—about my views on natural followership. This has made me think about how we handle opposing opinions.

Do We Have the Right to Our Opinions?

Of course, we do. But what about the right to express them? Throughout history, societies have tried to control what people think and say, often with devastating effects. In 1934, shortly after the Nazis took power in Germany, it became illegal to criticize the government. News was censored, anti-Nazi newspapers were shut down, and so-called “un-German” books were banned and burned. We see similar behavior today in places like Russia and Afghanistan, where speaking out against the regime can result in punishment or even death.

But What About in Democracies?

One of the most fundamental rights in a democracy is the right to express one’s views. Yet, in every country—democratic or not—certain opinions are considered unacceptable. Whether the reason is social, cultural, religious, or moral, expressing certain opinions can lead to aggressive repercussions from others.

Take J.K. Rowling. In 2020, she faced intense backlash after making comments about gender identity that many labeled transphobic. Despite claiming to support trans rights, her opinion sparked widespread criticism from fans and LGBTQ+ advocates.

Politicians face similar challenges. When Republican Congressman Tom Rice voted to impeach Donald Trump after the Capitol riot, his own party turned on him. He received death threats and angry emails, eventually requiring police protection.

Why Do We Find Opposing Opinions So Threatening?

Why do we react so strongly to opposing opinions? There are a few reasons. First, opposing opinions can feel like an attack on our core values or our identity. Sometimes, they just hurt our feelings. Other times, we interpret them as a sign of disloyalty. In some cases, opposing views simply frighten us because we don’t know what might happen if the opinion takes hold in society. Put simply, it’s probably not the opinion itself that bothers us, but how it makes us feel or what it might lead to.

What Happens When We Suppress Opinions?

We all have opinions—whether we express them or not—so forcing people to repress their views doesn’t solve anything. In fact, the more we try to dictate which opinions are valid and which are not, the more likely we are to create conflict. You and I don’t want to be told what to think or believe, so why would anyone else?

When people feel silenced, they’re more likely to seek out like-minded groups. This means we might not know how many people share a certain opinion until the group becomes strong enough to push back. This may be one reason why populist movements can rise seemingly out of nowhere—because we’ve silenced or discredited certain opinions.

Attack Actions, Not Opinions

We need to draw a line between opinions and actions. While we may disagree with someone’s views, it’s their actions that matter. We can express harmful opinions, but we don’t have the right to act on them. For example, we can say that all green-eyed people should be imprisoned, but acting on that opinion crosses a line.

Society has the right to push back when actions cause harm, but expressing an opinion—no matter how troubling—shouldn’t lead to aggression. Instead, it should be met with reasoning

The Power of Tolerance

Tolerance isn’t about agreeing with every opinion. It’s about accepting that people will have different beliefs—and that’s okay. As the Cambridge Dictionary puts it, tolerance is “the willingness to accept behavior and beliefs that are different from your own, even if you don’t agree with them.” Most of us want others to tolerate our opinions, but we often struggle to extend that same tolerance to those who disagree with us.

Maybe the first step in building a more tolerant world is recognizing the difference between someone’s opinion and their actions. If you ask me, not all opinions are equal, some are better than others, but all of them deserve the respect to be voiced. Only then can we engage in meaningful dialogue without the impulse to shut others down.