THE ASYLUM: Edition 1

Hey there!

It's great to see you, thanks for stopping by. (Yes, even you, Richie Lampani ) As much as I love that you are here, I'd kindly advise you continue reading to decide if we're going to be a fit for one another. We believe in true, unabashed authenticity. We curse. If the occasional F-bomb, dickhead or shitbird offends you, this might not be the place. Why? Because neurodivergence and creativity shouldn't be stifled. It's the foundation of Arkham at it's core. It's a "we are who we are, what you see is what you get" kind of thing, I suppose.

Let's get personal for a second before this train goes off the rails. I'm Shaun. I started Akham Talent after 10 years working inhouse as Talent Acquisition Manager at start up tech companies in NYC. First and foremost: I'm a dad and husband. We have little monsters - Nolan (5) and Sienna (2) - and a saint of a wife who's been putting up with my shit since 2011. I am a former musician & creative that fell face first into this world of recruiting. I am way too loyal to the New York Jets. I know way too much about the sinking of the Titanic. Buffalo Chicken is my love language. I'm sure there's more here but this is good enough for now.

What to Expect from This Newsletter

Here's the vision.

1. Market insights: I'll share what I'm seeing out there, no sugar coating.
2. Entertainment: Expect some dumb banter and jabs at the industry. We all need a laugh.
3. Sanity preservation: This is your safe space when you're sick of the motivational diarrhea flooding your LinkedIn feed.
4. There will be plenty of serious stories from my 10 years in the space too
5. Questionable grammar

So, if you're ready for some real talk about recruiting, satire and the occasional rant, you're in the right place.

ARKHAM NEWS-

Super serious and not at all satirical stories from around the Linkedin world

Orlando-

Random Sales Influencers are back in the spotlight this week.

Josh Kemp, an enterprise sales account executive at the innovative dog-grooming tech startup Fido.ai, has reportedly forgotten to hit his own quota while busy teaching others how to do so.

Kemp, known for his constant LinkedIn presence and minute-by-minute deal updates, apparently got so wrapped up in his newfound social media stardom that he simply lost track of his actual job responsibilities."I woke up one morning, signed onto LinkedIn, looked up, and the quarter was over," Kemp admitted, his eyes glazed over from excessive screen time.

Coworkers at Fido.ai expressed a mix of confusion and concern. Jada Givens, Kemp's sales development representative, offered a colorful explanation: "It's like some kind of radioactive, dopamine-addicted tapeworm got inside his brain and started eating him alive from the inside.

"When approached for comment, Kemp's manager, Jarret, seemed equally perplexed, responding with a terse, "I dunno wtf is wrong with him."

In true influencer fashion, Kemp has already crafted a 37-page essay acknowledging his mistakes and outlining a detailed turnaround plan. The document, shared across multiple social media platforms, involves 3 AM wake-ups and a 36-hour social media detox at Chris Voss's sleep-away camp for reformed LinkedIn addicts.

"I've canceled all my talking head video content shoots and will be heads down from now on," Kemp declared in a 14-part Twitter thread, followed by a series of Instagram stories and a TikTok dance routine set to "The Sound of Silence."

As this story develops, industry insiders suggest it might be easier to simply follow Josh on LinkedIn, where he's expected to post hourly updates on his journey back to quota attainment and social media sobriety.

WHAT YOU SAY AND HOW YOU SAY IT MATTERS!

A reenactment of an actual conversation that took place once in a land far far away

Next time you're having a bad day, just know that I did this once.....

We love giving out free advice on in HR groups but for some reason, we are often asked to leave :(

THE SALAD LADY

The harrowing tale of the weirdest interview of my life

In the midst of the pandemic, fresh from being let go from my internal talent acquisition manager role, I found myself in what would become the recruiting experience from hell. Little did I know that a seemingly innocent call from a recruiter about a background screening company needing a TA leader would lead me down a path of absurdity and absolute f*ckery.

As I logged onto Zoom, I was greeted by a woman who made it abundantly clear that she had zero interest in meeting me. Her opening line? "I have a lot going on today and only took the call because I couldn't find your email to cancel." Oh, how charming.

Within five minutes of her grilling me on why I left my current role as the whole global pandemic answer did not suffice, she put me on hold to take a personal call, forgetting to mute herself. I overheard her say, "The recruiter scheduled this call for me, I'm going to wrap it up quickly and call you back." Great start, right?

When she returned, our utterly dumb and useless conversation continued.

But then, out of nowhere, she whipped out a salad. What happened next can only be described as a vegetable massacre in which continues to haunt my dreams almost 5 years later.

First off, this thing was huge, it was the f*cking Titanic of lunch salads. I literally thought to myself "God himself could not finish this salad."

The little interest that she had in this conversation was completely gone and the only thing on her mind was the sweet sweet leafy patch of dry iceberg lettuce and what seemed like a 47 gallon tub of ranch dressing on the side. Barely looking up at me, she began stabbing this salad over and over with the power of a thousand winds. It was as if she was Norman Bates and the poor leafy greens were Marion just trying to enjoy a nice long steamy shower.

The sound was maddening. Every crunch of the plastic bowl, every stab of the silver fork hitting the table was like nails on a chalkboard. Crunch, crunch, stab, stab, stab. I was completely thrown off, but she was relentless, powering through her questions as if she had no idea of the crimes against humanity she was committing upon that poor salad, not to mention the psychological damage she was inflicting on me.

At one point, she asked me to elaborate on something, and I distinctly remember losing my train of thought completely. Why? Because I was witnessing ranch dressing hanging from her chin like that scene from Cliffhanger, ultimately falling onto her shirt. I'll never forget the look she gave me when I froze. She had the audacity to look at me like I was some kind of idiot while she leaked ranch dressing everywhere like my two-year-old would.

After about ten excruciating minutes of what was undoubtedly the most awkward conversation of my entire life, I was finally able to escape from Rambo and return to some semblance of normalcy.

Unsurprisingly, I didn't get the job. The recruiter later informed me that I was the fifth person to have an awful experience with Jack the Salad Ripper.

Let me be clear: I don't care if you eat during an interview. Just eat like a human being, not like you're auditioning for a slasher film where the victim is a defenseless bowl of mixed greens.

If it sounds like I'm bitter it's because I am. Haven't looked at a salad the same way since.

That's why I use BetterHelp .com who is not yet a sponsor of this newsletter.

Random Hills I Will Die On

1.) Most People Can’t Stand Recruiters? Because of Us:

Look, I get it—lots of folks have a beef with recruiters. But honestly, I think a big part of that comes from how we handle things ourselves. Instead of jumping into heated debates with the Jim the plumber and part time real estate mogul from Naples about why recruiters are awesome, why not actually listen to what people are saying? I’ve been in this game for a decade now, and I can count on one hand the times someone was furious with me over not getting a job. Most of the time, it’s all about communication. When candidates feel like they’ve been left hanging or have to track us down for updates, it’s no wonder they’re frustrated and pissed. If we treat people better from the start, they might actually start to like us a little more.

2.) The Internal vs External Recruiting.

The debate between internal and external recruiters has to be one of the most tedious discussions ever. It’s like buying tickets to see the Yankees play the Red Sox only to end up watching them pick lint off each other's clothes instead of playing baseball. The constant back-and-forth is baffling, as if anyone besides recruiters actually cares. The reality is straightforward: these are two distinct roles with different functions. Each side can be their own brand of awful sometimes. In the end, the only ones who suffer when internal and external recruiters don’t collaborate are the candidates.

3.) I GReWWW mY BRaND oRGANICALLLlYYyYYY

Does anybody else notice that the people who are constantly bashing influencers and engagement pods are the same ones that have like 45K followers as if they aren't "influencers" themselves? Nothing less self aware than some marketing guy with 45K followers calling people gurus and fluffyfluencers or whatever. I even saw some guy a couple months back going around calling out people who use engagement pods and threatening to "expose" them like some kind of Linkedin vigilante. Unfortunately though for our friend "the dork knight" .....nobody truly cares.

4.) Branding isn't nearly as important as mastering the basics

While having a strong presence on LinkedIn and focusing on branding can be incredibly valuable, I can speak from experience when I say that at 38 years old, revisiting the fundamentals of sales—like cold calling and emailing—SUCKS. It can feel a bit overwhelming to dive back into these basics after years of being internal. There's a certain discomfort in stepping back into the role of a beginner, especially when technology and strategies have evolved so much. Balancing the new with the old requires not just a shift in mindset, but also a commitment to learning and adapting. It’s a reminder that regardless of age or experience, the sales landscape is constantly changing, and embracing those changes is crucial for success.

5.) You can ABSOLUTELY nuke an Uncrustable in the microwave

I'm not running from this any longer. I don't care who gets mad at me, you can absolutely nuke them in the microwave. "oh Shaun but the box says"....I don't care what the box says or how "dangerous" it might be. What kind of fool do have to be to turn an uncrustable into a potentially harmful situation? Sure, if you nuke it for 40+ second then it might turn into a jelly lava capable of incinerating the roof of your mouth but you're fine with a quick 15 second nuke. In what world am I supposed to wait for my food to thaw out like it's Incino Man or something? In the words of JG Wentworth, it's my sandwich and I want it now. Don't even get me start on the whole "go make a normal PBJ" if you don't want to wait idea. Do you know how financial irresponsible that it is to order a mega case of uncrustables and regular jars of Jelly & PB for the PBJ?" You do you, I'll do me. Done with this conversation.

ARKHAM MARKETING COMMERCIAL

So, You Hired An Idiot- Video Marketing Campaign

If you've seen our content on TikTok or YouTube, you might have noticed we're taking a page from Mint Mobile and Dollar Shave Club's playbook. We're embracing humor to stand out in a crowded market.

Why Humor?

1. It's memorable
2. It cuts through the noise
3. It allows us to be authentic

Our Approach

We don't have 3K cameras and don't have time to learn how to become f*cking Michael Bay No fancy home studios or ficus plants here. We're filming in a old shed because, why not?

Target Audience: Sales Leaders

We're addressing a major pain point: mishiring. It can cost up to $300K per head, depending on various factors. Our message? It's okay to make mistakes, but too many can reflect poorly on your hiring abilities.

The Challenge

Conveying this message in a serious tone felt boring. We needed something that would grab attention and stick in people's minds. Enter our high-risk, high-reward strategy: the "You Hired an Idiot" campaign.

The Result

We've created a video and email copy that we believe will resonate with our audience. It's quirky, fast-paced, and memorable - just like the brands we admire.

We'd love your feedback on our "You Hired an Idiot" video and email copy. Let us know what you think!

If you've made it all the way to the end, we thank you and hope you enjoyed this mish-mash of content. Our goal with this newsletter is simply to break up your feeds and offer something different.

We truly value your feedback. If you liked it, great! Let us know why. If you didn't, we want to hear about that too. Your input helps us improve.

As we look ahead to 2025, remember: you don't want to get stuck working with a recruiting partner you want to kick in the throat. We might seem a bit off our rocker, and we get it. We don't take ourselves too seriously, but we take your trust and business goals very seriously.

Whether you need hourly, retained, or contingent services, we're here to help you build out your GTM teams. We offer a fresh approach to recruiting that might just be what you're looking for.

Arkham Talent is the most profitable & successful GTM recruiting firm named after a fictional insane asylum in 2024 ( we sit down with Forbes next week)

Seriously though, we build "go to market" teams for high growth start ups from seed- series c. Our bread and butter as of late has been in health tech and app development. Companies work with us because they are tired of:

1. Recruiters who throw resumes at the wall like they're playing darts blindfolded
2. Conglomerates who think it's a great idea to put a new grad who doesn't know the first thing about your business and on your critical positions
3. Recent Placements- 2x Strategic Account Director (healthtech) 2X Director of Sales (app development) Head of Customer Success (Healthtech)

SEE YOU SOON!