Assumptive Blindness

We often are poor observers of ourselves and the priority we give to our own point of view. This includes assuming others think, feel, and behave like us. This assumptive blindness can lead to unfulfilled expectations and thwarted intentions – and upset. Our assumptions are like the water a fish swims in.

The heart of emotional intelligence (EI) is emotional self-awareness. It provides important data that can inform both managing ourselves and understanding others. Without it, both are virtually impossible, as is our ability to build and manage relationships well.

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom,” Socrates observed. In that knowing, we step outside of ourselves to make ourselves the object of our scrutiny and curiosity, rather than simply the experiencer and actor in the world. With that perspective comes the possibility of discerning patterns, generating new interpretations, and exercising choice where none was present before.

This last benefit becomes an accelerant to learning and growth. Our choices, based on such metacognition, can enable us to recognize habits of thinking, feeling, and doing. Our choosing, as an act of conscious design, can reconnect us to others and our world. Before, we made assumptions while being blind to making them. Our assumptions shaped our expectations, moods, and emotions. With self-awareness and choice, we can interrupt old patterns, pause and slow down, and notice what/who is in front of us. We then can choose a response more closely fitted to the present context (and more likely to further our intentions).

Despite this being a focal point of my personal and professional development, I continue to have many unrequested opportunities for learning. Here are a couple of examples related to culture.

Years ago when I was co-teaching a graduate class on Management and Coaching in Mexico, I was also responsible for managing the time in the classroom. Despite a clearly posted and mentioned start time, students arrived 15-20 minutes ‘late’, much to my chagrin. This continued, regardless of the contingencies I tried to establish. My co-instructor subsequently pointed out that in Mexico and many other countries, the start time isn’t the start time; it’s later and part of a larger cultural pattern. Trying to change the practice was futile; recognizing and accommodating it was a wiser course of action.

Recently, I delivered two virtual masterclasses for managers and executives of businesses in the Balkans. Knowing that I knew little about people from these cultures, I tried to design a learning experience that would be informationally rich and full of opportunities for participants to interact. Much to my surprise and dismay in class one, people didn’t speak up and hardly used the chat. “They’re shy,” I was told by my client at the Educational Centre. Despite my best thinking and design adjustments, round two was only slightly better.

In both cases, my thinking was constrained and blinded by my American cultural experiences. Though as a performance improvement professional, I know the importance of understanding one’s target audience, I was still blind to this. It colored my assumptions and expectations of them (they would behave like audiences I experience in my own country). Had I been sufficiently awake to my own habit of mind, I might have been curious about them and inquired about what might work well. Those questions could be posed to my colleagues who had more experience and perspective than I, or even to the participants themselves. There would be no guarantees about the information I might get back. On the other hand, there would be a higher probability I would be aware of my assumptions/expectations, adjust my expectations, and even my design.

This phenomenon is also true for the managers/executives I coach. Invariably, one aspect of the coaching centers on better understanding their people and how they think and make sense of things. In the interest of supporting their performance and professional growth, appreciating their perspective offers insight into what can be relevant and useful and how to frame it. A ‘stretch assignment’ for one person may occur as an ‘impossible assignment’ for another, based on where they are (starting from).

When I don’t take my point of view for granted and as correct for everyone, I create a space for curiosity and humility. Curiosity about what’s going on over there and its centrality to their sense-making and the ‘we’ that may be emerging. Humility about my own perspective and that it is/should be others’ perspectives too. I’m not proving or justifying my rightness and righteousness; I’m coming from my care, seeking connection and understanding, and mutual benefit.

What happens for you when you are able to step outside the framework of your assumptions and notice them, be curious about them, challenge them? What are the consequences that go with this shift in perspective, for you and for others? What can you do to make this perspective-shifting a regular practice?

This seems to be such an important piece of designing and living a good life. What do you think? Let’s use Comments to engage in dialog.

#selfleadership #designyourlife #blindspots