"Assumptions are the termites of relationships." Henry Winkler

I walk my dog regularly for her wellness and mine. Our normal route takes us by a house that I thought would be absolutely perfect for our family -- notwithstanding the fact that we are well on our way to becoming empty nesters, the house is within blocks of our existing home and (drum roll) we are not in the market for a new house. (Minor details.) This house had curb appeal. Everything we would want in a house. So I thought.

A few weeks ago, while walking with my daughter and dog, I noticed a "FOR SALE" sign on the house -- with a "SOLD" sign placed prominently in the upper slot.

MY HOUSE.

SOLD.

I couldn't believe it. Enter my daughter. Enter rational thought. She asked me what I liked about the house. I told her about its significant curb appeal -- it spoke to me. She then asked if I had ever actually seen the inside of the house. Hmmmmmm. Good question. No. So, after some online sleuthing, I got a look at the interior. And, despite its curb appeal, this house was not for me. Really not for me. I had made a number of assumptions about the inside of the home because I liked the exterior. All. Assumptions. Were. False.

So, what do walks with my dog and my far-fetched real estate dreams have to do with leadership? Actually, quite a lot. How many assumptions do you make about your colleagues? About their motivations? About their work styles? About their abilities? About their personal lives?

How many of these assumptions are even remotely accurate? I would guess very few. In addition, these assumptions (or stories we tell ourselves) about our co-workers are just like termites. (Thanks Fonz. -- Who by the way is dyslexic, has written a number of books about dyslexia and is a huge advocate for people with dyslexia. And, did you know it was Leather Tuscadero's 73rd birthday this week and my favorite t-shirt as a kid had "Sit on IT" on the front? I digress . . . ) Our assumptions are eating away at the very fabric of the relationships that we are trying to build.

So, how do we address the assumptions we make about our colleagues? How do we get to a point where we can have a deep bond amongst our teams and increase overall engagement. Making everyone feel valued. Making everyone understand that his/her contribution is valued.

Spoiler Alert. We develop emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the ability of individuals to guide interactions in a positive direction, and (for ROI purposes) it is the quality that sets 90% of high performers apart from their peers. It is a significant contributor to building strong teams as it helps us mitigate (or even eliminate) basing our relationships on faulty assumptions. And, unlike IQ, emotional intelligence can be learned through experience.

• What about the rise of artificial intelligence? Won't the BOT world eliminate the need for emotional intelligence? They can do it for us, right? NO. Instead, the need for emotional intelligence has only INCREASED. Emotional intelligence is one of the top three skills that will be deemed essential for workers in an artificial intelligence world. According to Microsoft's WorkTrend Index Annual Report of May 9, 2003 (article attached), the three top skills that will be deemed essential for employees in an AI-powered future are -- analytical judgment, flexibility, and emotional intelligence (my emphasis).

Daniel Goleman is the guru on the topic emotional intelligence. (Yeah, I'm a Goleman fan girl -- kind of like a Swiftie without the bling.) I've attached his much cited HBR article "What Makes a Leader" to this newsletter. (As an added bonus, have also added a great article on how emotionally intelligent people deliver bad news -- you're welcome!).

Goleman notes that that emotional intelligence is comprised of five qualities:

(1) self-awareness,

(2) self-regulation,

(3) motivation,

(4) empathy and

(5) social skills.

So, how do you get the experience? How do you begin to develop your emotional intelligence tool kit? It's really quite simple. You start listening to your colleagues. Really listening -- and actively seeking ways in which you can help clear roadblocks to support success. To start to build rapport, trust and relationships, I would recommend you start meeting with your colleagues regularly. While I am a firm believer that we have too many meetings -- eating up precious time and energy and leading to increased stress and burnout, I also believe that these particular meetings are the most valuable investment of your time you will make. They will exponentially increase your ability to successfully lead your teams. They will increase trust amongst your team. And, most importantly, they will help you better understand, appreciate and empathize with the experiences of others.

• Direct Reports. Schedule regular 1:1s with your direct reports, with the regularity dependent upon the current state of the division. For example, if you are new in role or if there is a significant project that your team must deliver on, the meetings should be more frequent. These meetings should be sacrosanct and should not be canceled.
• Skip Levels. Schedule regular skip levels with those who report indirectly to you, with the regularity at a level less than those of your Direct Reports. Provide this as an opportunity to understand the work that is being done at all levels of your division and to understand what you can do to help your entire team be successful.
• Peers. Schedule regular meetings with your peers so that you can better understand their areas of expertise and how you (and your team) can help support them.
• No Agenda Meetings. Heresy. Just try it -- you would be surprised. Let the individual you are meeting with run the meeting. It is not your meeting -- it is their meeting. There is a time and a place for an agenda. Perhaps a particular 1:1 or a particular individual would be better served with an agenda to stay on topic. That said, try the no-agenda meeting to see where the conversation goes.
• Offer To Help (ALWAYS). At the end of every meeting, ask what you can do to help. This is the hallmark of my meetings -- they all end with "What can I do to help you?" Open-ended. Vulnerable. Empathetic. Action-Oriented. You will be amazed with how much you can learn from this one simple question.

Invest time in cultivating your emotional intelligence.

Listen.

Act.

Spray the termites.

Ayyyyy.