Asses, Stallions and the Cacophony of it All

As a mentor, I relate to philanthropists who get bashed for contributing to one cause and not another.

It’s like Bill Gates makes a donation towards education and all the animals go on strike because he didn’t donate for animal welfare. Mentorship is no different.

On one hand I get to be a first hand witness to unravelling genius and on the other hand, I’m met with sneering remarks about favouritism. It’s a thankless yet rewarding job.

It’s less about what I have to teach and more about how much a junior wants to learn. I’m a strong believer that a conversation is a listener’s game.

And hence, I choose to mentor juniors who are willing to learn. The active listeners. The curious ones. The opportunity seekers. The ones who pursue red cars.

Notice how I didn’t mention a single hard skill. Because hard skills can be taught. But soft skills can only be recognised and nurtured. So no, you don’t have to know the 4 Ps of marketing to be my mentee. But if I tell you to read a book and summarise it for me, it better be sitting in my inbox on its due date.

And these soft skills cannot always be recognised in the hiring process. There’s only so much you can tell about a person from an interview.

The actual assessment happens during the probation. How does one respond to rejected ideas, changing briefs, and seemingly irrelevant assignments? That’s how I decide who’s worth the investment of my time.

1. For an ass, the training is just an extra burden to be carried along with the shit ton of mediocre work.
2. For a mule, who is an outperforming and multitasking ass, the training becomes overwhelming because of their excessive workload. Their horizontal growth hinders their vertical growth.
3. However, a stallion not only actively listens and implements, but often cites the training sessions against me to get their “viral campaign ideas” approved.

So one is an ass, another a multitasking ass, and the latter a smart ass.

And I am a farmer trying my best to segregate and train each of them to reach their best. Now, the best of an ass is different from the best of a mule, which is different from the best of a stallion.

The asses hate the farmer for spending more time grooming the mules and stallions; the mules despise the farmer for not giving them the sweet time which the stallions have or the low quality standards that the asses have; and the stallions constantly bicker about always having to rush and still be the best.

Trust me, if the old MacDonald were around today, I’d ask him to mentor me on mentoring this flock of farm animals.