Assertiveness: Get what you want rightfully and fairly

What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness, a concept rooted in psychology, refers to expressing one's feelings, opinions, and needs in a direct, honest, and appropriate manner while respecting others' rights.

It sits at the midpoint between passive and aggressive behaviours, aiming to meet both individual and collective needs.

Assertiveness is essential for effective communication and relationship management in both professional and personal settings.

The concept of assertiveness has evolved significantly over time. In the mid-20th century, psychologists like Joseph Wolpe and Arnold Lazarus began to explore assertiveness in the context of behavioural therapy. Wolpe defined assertiveness as "socially justified motor or verbal expression of feelings"[1] and emphasized its role in alleviating social fears and maintaining self-esteem.

[1] Reference

Match your goals and vision by being assertive

People often link assertiveness or assertive people with being sometimes aggressive or mean. This is a misconception for the majority of assertive people, since keeping a balanced assertive personality that is aligned with one's vision and long term goals, in reality the outcome is much different that aggressiveness.

Dr. Jordan Peterson [2] explains:

"...if you want to stand up for yourself you have to have your goals and your vision well laid out and well defined and then you have to have a strategy that that is matched to those goals so that you know when you're not getting it, otherwise you're left with a vague sense of dissatisfaction and resentment and that's very very difficult thing to articulate, and if you can't articulate it then you can't negotiate..."

If you know what you want and you know why then you can make a case for yourself.

And this is applicable in every situation in life, either professional or personal.

Example:

If you come up with an idea at work, and then you take ownership of that idea, then it's your project. Understanding the needs of the project and laying down clear and specific goals and outcomes, then you can be assertive about them, in a controlled manner of course; asking for help, or resources or budget, but always with the appropriate communication and confidence.

[2] - Reference (vid)

The Importance of Assertiveness in Professional Work

Enhances Communication: Assertiveness promotes clarity and directness in communication, ensuring that messages are conveyed effectively without misinterpretation.

Fosters Leadership: Leaders who are assertive are seen as confident and decisive, qualities essential for guiding teams and making tough decisions.

Improves Conflict Resolution: Assertive individuals can address conflicts constructively, preventing escalation and fostering a positive work environment.

Boosts Career Development: Assertiveness can lead to better visibility in the workplace, recognition of one’s contributions, and opportunities for advancement.

Practicing Assertiveness

Developing assertiveness is a journey of continuous improvement. Here are strategies to practice and enhance this skill:

1. Self-Assessment: Reflect on personal communication styles. Understanding one's natural inclination towards passivity or aggression is the first step in cultivating assertiveness.
2. Adopt "I" Statements: Use statements that start with 'I' to express thoughts and feelings without sounding accusatory, e.g., "I feel that my idea wasn’t considered thoroughly in the meeting."
3. Role-Playing Exercises: Engage in role-playing scenarios to simulate workplace situations. This method provides a safe space to practice assertive communication.
4. Set Small, Achievable Goals: Begin with manageable goals in daily interactions and gradually progress to more challenging scenarios.
5. Seek Constructive Feedback: Post-interaction, ask for feedback from trusted colleagues to gauge how assertive communication is perceived.

Application of Assertiveness in Different Professional Situations

1. Team Meetings: In a team meeting, assertiveness enables individuals to put forward their ideas confidently. For example, saying, “I believe my approach can streamline our project timeline” instead of passively agreeing with the majority.
2. Negotiating Salary: During salary negotiations, assertiveness can be crucial. An assertive statement like, “Based on my research and contributions, I feel a 10% raise reflects my value to the team” is direct and reasoned.
3. Managing Workload: Assertiveness is key in managing workload. For instance, responding to an unreasonable request with, “I understand the urgency, but with my current workload, I won’t be able to take this on without compromising the quality of my other projects” is assertive yet respectful.
4. Addressing Conflict: In conflicts, assertive communication aids in finding common ground. For example, “I see your point, but let’s explore a solution that meets both our objectives” can defuse tension and encourage collaboration.
5. Client Interactions: When dealing with clients, assertiveness helps in setting realistic expectations. Saying, “While I understand the urgency, the timeline you’re requesting could affect the quality of the deliverable. Let’s find a feasible deadline” maintains professionalism and sets clear boundaries.

Challenges and Overcoming Them

While cultivating assertiveness, individuals may initially sway towards aggression or retreat to passivity. Regular self-reflection and feedback help maintain the balance. Assertiveness training and professional coaching can also provide guidance and structured learning.

Get what you want rightfully and fairly

Assertiveness in professional settings is not just about being heard; it’s about respectful and effective communication. It’s a tool for conflict resolution, leadership, and personal growth. As with any skill, mastery of assertiveness requires practice, reflection, and a willingness to adapt. By embedding assertiveness into their communication repertoire, professionals can navigate the complexities of the workplace more effectively, leading to improved relationships, greater job satisfaction, and career advancement.

The journey to assertive communication, though challenging, is rewarding and integral to professional success.

(Vid) - How to speak up for yourself

(Vid) - The beauty of assertiveness

(Vid) - How to be more assertive

(Read) - Relationships between assertiveness and the power of saying no with mental health among undergraduate student - Journal Article

(Read) - Assertiveness in Self-Fulfillment and Professional Success. Interpersonal Dynamics in the Didactic Relation - Journal Article