Assertiveness- essence of healthy attitude and behavior!
By- Ramesh Sangare, President & CEO, HRDC Group (H.R.D. Corp. & HRDC Global Placements) Pune Nagpur Hyderabad (India)
What is assertiveness?
It is not the Aggressiveness. It is not the Submissiveness. It is at an Appropriateness of Behavior back by Right Mental Attitude.
?What are the examples in the world history?
Satyagraha of Mahatma Gandhi was assertiveness. Removal of Racial disparity between Black and White by removing the bonded labor of Negroes in America first by Abraham Lincoln and then by Martin Luther King was Assertiveness. Chipko Andolan of? Himachal was Assertiveness, 29 long years in prison by Nelson Mandela in South Africa for end of apartheid and beginning of freedom of South Africa was assertiveness.
Elements of Personality make or mar your Assertiveness.
Why do you need to be Assertive?
The Man is born free but he lives in chains of taboos, dos and don’ts, through-out his life, many times irrationally, which make us either submissive or aggressive. Some of the messages go dipper down the sub-conscious which are bombarded on us by elders.
“I must be the best.”
“I must never fail.”
“People must appreciate me.”
“I must be always tolerant”
“I must always care for the feelings of others.”
“I must pay respect to the elders (authority), even if they don’t even slightly deserve it.”
“Never express an opinion contrary to the elders.”
“Others never like you to succeed, therefore, don’t unnecessarily socialize.”
“Keep the distance from the strangers, they are dangerous.”
?Many more teachings create behavioral -problems such as either submissiveness or aggressiveness. Offensive or Defensive. Both are counter-productive to the concept of living this Life fully.
In family circles Emotional Exploitation is common picture. The game of exploitation is most commonly played. Newly married son is entrapped between his mother and his wife in Indian families. Especially if it is so called love marriage then the agony of the son is much more than his bride. He suffers from the guilt that he has gone against the age-old norms of the family in addition to the continuous tug of war between mother and wife.
?In organizational life as well, there is continuous emotional exploitation in different manner. The subordinates try to win the confidence of the bosses in wrong manners. “Yes boss” culture is developed. Thus, the organizations suffer and the people in the game also suffer internally many times as they resent what they do.
Examples of assertiveness –
·????? You have been invited by your office colleague for her birthday, but your wife hates her, for her own reasons.
·????? Victor Frankle’s story. – survival in Nazi concentration camp.
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·????? Bridge on the River Qui – Alec Guinne’s role of Col. Bougie.
·????? King Poras asking right treatment from Sikander the Great.
?They have something common.
“Nobody can insult me without my permission.”
Or
“Nobody can make me inferior without my permission.” –Ken Blanchard & N. V. Peale – The Power of Ethical Management.
There is no soft pillow like clear conscious.
You can’t make empty bag to stand-up straight.
?
Five P’s
1.??? Purpose – I know what I want clearly.
2.??? Pride – I feel good about myself, without anybody else’s acceptance. I believe in self-esteem.
3.??? Patience – No dramatic outcomes always.
4.??? Persistence – Never! Never! Never! Never! Give up! – W. Churchill.
5.??? Perspective – Mental picture to be drawn quietly to get focussed with the help of Inner self and outside realities.
Persistence –
Nothing can take a place of Persistence.
·????? Talent will not –Nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with Great Talents.
·????? Genius will not –Unrewarded Genius is almost a proverb.
·????? Education will not –The world is full of Educated derelicts.
·????? Persistence and determination are only Omnipotent, which are backbones of assertive behavior.
Thanks
Ramesh Sangare, HRDC group