Asking Instead of Telling in Hospitality Leadership

A few weeks ago, I came across a video that has stuck with me. It challenged something I hadn’t fully realised about my leadership style - I am so conditioned to want to help and add value that I often find myself giving ‘the answer’ or setting the course of action. And what does that do? It means my team stops bringing their answers. Why would they, if they expect to be told what to do?

Hospitality is a world of action. We move fast, solve problems, and serve. As leaders, we’ve been in the shoes of our teams. We think we know the job inside out, and we usually have the answer. But here’s the question: Are we leading or just dictating?

When we rush to provide solutions, we believe we are being helpful. However, we end up stifling creativity, preventing our teams from independent thinking, and inadvertently fostering a culture where individuals wait for direction. This approach isn’t leadership; it’s ultimately micromanagement.

Three Questions to Lead Better

Instead of immediately giving directions, let’s ask more questions. Specifically, these three from the video I saw recently:

1. What do you think? Encourage problem-solving. This invites team members to share their perspectives and take ownership.
2. What would you do? Shift their thinking from identifying problems to actively finding solutions.
3. Can I live with it? This is the game-changer. If their approach achieves the desired outcome - even if it’s different from how I'd do it - can I live with it? More often than not, the answer is yes.

Letting Go of "My Way" for the Right Way

Leadership isn’t about making sure everything is done exactly as we would do it. It’s about ensuring the right standards are met while allowing for different styles. If we don’t give people the space to figure things out, we create teams that:

• Only do what they’re told.
• Struggle to solve problems.
• Fail to develop leadership skills themselves.

Worse still, they pass this on to their teams, creating a cycle of dependency rather than leadership.

The 1-3-1 Method: A Game-Changer

One way to shift this dynamic is the 1-3-1 method - a structure for problem-solving that empowers teams to think critically before coming to you. When a direct report brings an issue, they should come with:

• 1 problem/issue
• 3 options/solutions
• 1 recommended path forward

This simple approach forces people to think ahead and develop solutions rather than waiting for an answer. It can feel uncomfortable at first - especially if you’re used to solving problems on the spot - but it will transform how your team operates.

Building Leaders, Not Order-Takers

Asking instead of telling doesn’t mean stepping back from leadership. It means stepping up. Our role is to grow independent, proactive thinkers who take initiative. By resisting the urge to solve every problem ourselves, we empower our teams to develop the confidence and skills they need to lead.

Next time someone asks for a decision, try pausing. Ask three questions. Encourage the 1-3-1 method. See what happens. You might find that your team is more capable than they even realise.

?? to the video - do watch and let me know what you think!