Asking for help at work
Asking for help - either at work or in our personal lives - is hard. We all get asked to do things that we can’t do - whether it’s because we don’t have the skills or the knowledge or the time (or all three!) - so we all need from time to time to ask for help. The trouble is, no one likes asking for help – so how can we make asking a win-win proposition for everyone?
Before Google Maps (and sadly sometimes even with it), there were movies made and books written about people – usually men, oddly enough – who would rather slit their wrists than admit they were lost and have to ask a local for directions. If we believe that innovation and creativity are team activities, then we need to understand that asking for help at work can actually be positive – it helps build a collaborative work environment; it helps people develop new skills and knowledge; and it builds goodwill between co-workers. How, then, can we make asking for help a more positive, mutually rewarding experience?
Be specific. You need to be specific about exactly what help you want, why you want it and who you want it from. We all suffer from the illusion of transparency – the idea that our thoughts and feelings are obvious to others. In reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Even the most empathetic boss or co-worker may be completely oblivious to the fact that you are drowning in our cubicle. Equally, nobody wants to give bad help. Asking a specific person helps to overcome bystander apathy – the idea that an individual is less likely to help when there are other people present. Being specific makes it more likely that you will get the help you need – approximately 90% of help comes as a response to specific requests for that help.
Don’t make it weird. To effectively ask for help, you need to avoid disclaimers, apologies and bribes. Starting a request for help by promising some kind of (unspecified) help in the future rarely works. Minimising the effort that someone is going to have to put into a task makes it less – not more – likely that you will get the help you need. Don’t make the person you are asking for help uncomfortable about helping. Don’t fear rejection: all of the evidence shows that nearly everyone wants to help but need to understand how they can help – which is why being specific is so important.
Ask for help in person. Asking for help by WhatsApp or by email is far less emotionally vulnerable than fronting up and talking to – or calling – the person you need help from. Unfortunately, it is also far easier to reject that request by WhatsApp or by email – or to delay your response for so long that any help is no longer helpful. Research shows that requests for help in person are 30 times more likely to work. Asking for help in person also makes it more likely that you can answer questions about the help you are looking for and why you need it – which makes it much more likely that you are going to get the help you when you need it from the person you need the help from.
Nobody succeeds in a vacuum. We all rely on other people. Actually, helping other people is one of the most important things we can do – and one of the most emotionally satisfying. Helping other people is immensely rewarding – and likely to build rapport between colleagues and boost morale. Which leads us to a final point, when someone helps you, make sure you thank your helper and give them feedback – let them know how effective their help was. This – surprise, surprise – not only makes it more likely your helper will help someone else in the future but it also makes it much more likely that they will help you!