Asking for help in a crisis: 6 Tips

The current times are extraordinary, and we all need help. The crisis engulfing India is unprecedented. Hopefully, we come out of it soon, and such crises do not get repeated.

Personally, asking for help is not something which comes naturally to me. It takes me a strong effort to reach out for help. It's mostly my mindset and old habits, and some experiences.

Having said that, when I have reached out, help has always come sometimes from expected and almost always from unexpected quarters.

Asking for help requires overcoming some of our beliefs and building some skills as well. Here are a few things I have learnt from others (and from my own experiences) in what to do and what to avoid.

The DOs

Plan "who": Going to the right person with a specific request works well. A general request to too broad a set of people mostly does not work. It becomes a message which no specific person feels obligated to respond to. Even when putting out a request on social media, tagging the right sources is very useful.

Articulate "what": Specificity is key. Both the messages below may work but the response rates to the former are likely to be more urgent and focused.

"Looking for a oxygen concentrator for home use Sector 45, Noida for 78 year old lady with diabetes and oxygen level at 88. Only for 3 days, starting later today, will have alternative by then"

is far better than

'Can anyone suggest where I can get a oxygen concentrator?'.

Leverage local authority : Many folks in leadership positions are willing to help. Whatever locality, community or organisation you are part of, reach out to them, or tag them on social media. They will know others who could help, if they cannot help themselves.

We often think that people may be too busy or will not be able to help, or will not bother, since they do not know us directly. But experience, research, and data tells us that strangers help out significantly more and often than most people think. Most folks want to help but are waiting for someone to reach out to them with a specific request.

Be considerate : When we call or reach out to someone on a 1-1 basis , we need to be empathetic to their situation. Their situation may be equally stressful or painful given the current situation. And we do not know what are their circumstances at the time of reaching out. We are so engrossed with our own troubles that we could come across as insensitive at times.

It would be good to check first with something like "I need some help urgently. Hope you are ok to have this conversation now". It would also be useful to end a request conversation with " Thank you for listening to me. If you can help out, great. And please do reach out in case you need something."

The DONTs

Holding back: Desperate times call for desperate measures. When asking for help in a crisis, there should be no shame, guilt or sense of taking on an obligation. People, even strangers, mostly understand and appreciate that we need help in crises.

And more often than not the mental block in asking for help is within us, because we feel that refusal is a setback. Actually, a refusal for help (for whatever reason) allows us to move quickly to the nest stage/source for help. More importantly, we are not worse off for the refusal.

Any individual may or may not be able to help due to personal constraints or just pure capacity or capability. It should not stop stop us from asking for help from others. Which brings me to the last point.

Having Expectations: We often have expectations from a specific individual or source for help and get disappointed or dejected when it does not come. In a crisis like the current one in India, large populations are suffering and many known folks are going through their own challenges. It is difficult for those in tough situations themselves to help.

Asking for help with an open mind, and acknowledging that the other may refuse due to a situation rather than intent, leaves us calmer and more balanced rather than generating further negative emotions.

Finally as we ask for help, be prepared to be helpful as well. What goes around come around, as they say. I have learnt to ask for help with three mental starting points: prayer, gratitude and a willingness to share and give.

Bimal Rath is an author and entrepreneur. He is interested in and supports the coming alive of human potential in all his pursuits. To get a hint of his professional work in "helping organisations leverage their talent better" visit thinktalent.co?