Asking For Help Can Be Hard

On Friday night, for the fourth year, I slept in a cardboard box, in the freezing cold to raise funds and awareness for the YMCA.  As expected, I didn’t get a lot of sleep, the cold was awful, but I was in a safe place surrounded by others who had chosen to give up their beds for the night to support this charity and the work they do.

I was first exposed to the truth about homelessness in 2008 after joining a Housing Community who had a charitable trust who provided housing, support and education to homeless people and for some, job opportunities.  On one of my first visits to the site I met with a number of residents to understand more about their own personal circumstances and the help they were receiving.

Everyone had a different story.  Some of the younger female residents found themselves on the streets following abuse at home, this varied from physical, to sexual to mental abuse.  Some of the male residents were there due to mental health issues, some due to debt, some due to addiction and one, an accountant, who after the break-up of his marriage had suffered a breakdown which caused the loss of  his job and his home and he was forced to live on the street. Few of these people were the ‘stereotype’ homeless person that we think of when we talk about rough sleepers.

Since really getting to understand the work of the YMCA and speaking to a number of their residents and rough sleepers on the streets of my home town, I’ve spoken to people who were kicked out by their parents due to new relationships and new siblings meaning there was no longer room for them in the house.  I’ve spoken to ex-servicemen, people who have moved to a new town to be nearer their children only to find no work, have used up all of the favours of sofas for the night and who can’t travel to where they came from.  I’ve met people who have travelled to the UK for the promise of a job and house only to get her to find nothing and I’ve spoken to people who due to health issues have not been able to work and keep up with their bills, have been evicted and have been told their local housing team cannot support them as their circumstances aren’t deemed urgent or critical.

Statistics are showing that many families in the UK are three pay days away from homelessness due to rising debt and cost of living increases.  When the news hit a few weeks ago about the closure of Thomas Cook, a man was pleading on Facebook on the Monday morning for job opportunities for he and his wife.  Both had been employed by the Travel company, had spent all of their savings on a new house move and had two young children.  They were not expecting to be jobless and without money to feed their family given they wouldn’t be receiving their September salary and may have to wait weeks for the government redundancy pay.

One of the secondary schools that I mentor students at, has families with the highest use of the local foodbank.  There’s a mix of unemployed parents, parents will health issues, and parents who work in low income jobs.  Not all are ‘lazy’, not all are in circumstances of their own making.

Over the years I’ve known employees who have been sleeping in their cars due to relationship breakups, employees who have had their homes repossessed because of debt, illness or redundancy that has prevented them or their partners from being able to keep on top of all of the bills.  I’ve known people who have had to sell their homes and now rely on benefits because of illness and carer responsibilities and a lack of financial support because they owned their own homes.  I know parents who have accrued debts because of ill children, bereavement or caring roles that have found them unable to work, unable to claim benefits and at risk of losing their homes and relying on foodbanks.  I’ve also known people who have found mounting debts and school fees causing them to go bankrupt, losing everything and living in local government housing and relying on a food bank.  And I’ve seen employees whose partners have been imprisoned and they’ve lost everything as a result.

Why is any of this relevant to HR?

Any of your people could be living with any of the circumstances I’ve listed above, or something I haven’t, and we could be oblivious to it. Not all of these situations that your people may be comfortable talking about, they may feel embarrassed, or ashamed, or worried about being judged.

If you know that someone is going through a hard time at home, just don’t tell them you’re there for them, show them you are.  Do they need to change their hours for a short time?  Do they need more flex in working hours?  Can you help with offering some paid time off?  Do they need to talk to someone impartial?  Could you provide them a loan?  Could you be helping with counselling or therapy or time out?

Sadly, over the years, mitigating circumstances have been ignored by managers and HR and the focus has been too much on the work and the performance issues.  I don’t believe that anyone wakes up in the morning and says they are going to do a crap job at work today, but their attention may be elsewhere for a reason, find out why, encourage them to talk, offer help where you can.  We are people, it’s impossible for us to leave part of our life at the door when we enter or leave the workplace.

If someone is asking for pay advances frequently, ask them why and see if you can help in other ways as well.

If someone’s job performance is decreasing, speak to them and find out why, what’s going on for them and how could you help?

Asking for help can be difficult, accepting help can be hard, but if it’s offered from a place of kindness, it makes things a lot easier, and a solution easier to find.

Kelly Swingler

Kelly is Founder of The Chrysalis Crew and Global Empowerment Coach for HR Professionals. She leads the crew with an open heart, an open mind and has the courage to challenge the status quo and do things differently so that we can change the world of work.

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/Team/TheChrysalisCrew