Asking for a friend...

This goes out to all you women out there who are the carers, the feeders, the nurturers of their precious, crazy-busy worlds.

This is for the birthday-rememberers, the taxi-drivers, the checker-inners with elderly relatives, the planner of menus, the organiser of parties, the writer of shopping lists, lists for the cleaner, lists of things that need doing before Christmas, lists of school uniform items to buy before September…

This is for the holder-downers of well-paid, professional roles with many responsibilities. Your ‘proper job’.???

This is for YOU.?

Maybe you got a card of appreciation on Mothers Day.?

Maybe you didn’t.?

Maybe you got flowers, or chocolates, or dinner cooked for you.?

Maybe you got a cup of tea in bed.?

Maybe someone special made an unwonted journey to surprise you, as a token of their appreciation for all you did, and tried to do, to help them on their journey through life.?

This is for you.

I hear you. I see you. I recognise you. I salute your hard work as you juggle all those balls in the air.

YOU ARE F*CKING AMAZING.?

I feel your tiredness. Your exhaustion. (That permanent juggling gig you have going on’s quite some exercise, right? Trying not to drop those little suckers; trying to make it right when you do – because everyone’s fallible, and even those desperate to seem perfect in this world where perfection is to be shared on socials as often as possible … even those people occasionally glitch, don’t they?)

I feel your frustration when you look in the mirror and all you see is the TIRED. The shadows under your eyes; the SLUMP. (Because, for some strange reason, your awesomeness has completely passed you by, hasn’t it? Along with the size 12s you used to be able to wear. And the energy you used to have. The positivity you used to feel.)

I feel the pain you feel when you see the kids growing up and your realisation that, at this rate, they’ll be leaving for uni tomorrow and you won’t have spent the time with them doing the things you always wanted to do with them. The silly, little things that don’t matter to anyone except you.

?I feel the bafflement you feel when you do the exercise you used to do and it doesn’t do what it used to do any more. The incomprehension when you look at pictures when you’re randomly scrolling through your phone and you see the person you used to be, and it’s only 10 years ago.

When did those lines on your face arrive? When did the skin around your neck start to look like that? When did your hands start to look like your mum’s? When did you just get SQUISHY???

I feel your desperation to get something of the old you back – you used to dance, right? Laugh? Remember laughing? Going out with mates and just having FUN? That was YOU.

You fling that hard-earned dollar at things that might work. Lovely meals out in high-end places. Spa days in luxurious spaces. New outfits to cover up the excess pounds you want to hide. Holidays and wine – lots of wine – and chocolate to make everything better. It numbs things and gives you a vague sense that things are ok. Yes?

When actually, all you really want to do is make it different. Make it better. Get off the treadmill. Get a do-over. Do it better.

All you really want is to count.

You do count. YOU COUNT. You MATTER.?

We’re all in a system created by humans designed to make money, so that … ??? Uh, so that…??? So that wealthy folk can have more wealth. So that the underdog maintains his/her position as the underdog. And the system can be maintained.?

What’s really important in life??

Because I don’t think it’s how many cruises you’ve been on. How many pairs of red-soled shoes you own. Whether you have the latest phone/car/shade of greige on your walls, or you’re skiing at New Year.

What’s really important is actually LIVING before you die.

Knowing and appreciating your unique value as a human being, who’s never existed before in the entire universe, and never will again, once you’re done. Having real conversations, face-to-face, with people you care about, about what matters to you.?

KNOWING THAT YOU MATTER. THAT YOU ARE SEEN. HEARD. KNOWN.?

I am tired, folks.

I'm tired of seeing everyone – women and girls in particular – in the ‘system’ being used as fodder for Big Business’s Bottom Line. Beautiful young women, with Botox’ed foreheads, and trout-pout lips, ‘treating themself’ to something sweet and ultra-processed that’s going to make them ill. 8-year-olds discussing with their mums in Boots which cosmetic range they need for school. Kids at play parks on their phones and vaping, without the slightest clue of how amazing they are.?

Please, help me.?

I have a 10-week programme that is designed to change outcomes. (It’s called Replenish. It costs ￡900; it’s an hour on Zoom to get started, plus 10 x 30-minute slots, also on Zoom, on a weekly basis, with check-ins on WhatsApp as needed.) The outcomes really need changing – it’s clear. I’ve done plenty of it in classrooms, in the last 3 decades; but I don’t have a classroom now, and I’m 55 in April, FFS.?

Put me in touch with someone who needs:

• Permission to look after themself. (Maybe for the first time ever.)
• Accountability that’s right for them – not too much, not too little, but just right.
• New ways of doing things; new options to explore, that make them feel positive about themself, for the first time in a while.
• To feel better. To look forwards to things. To kick-start new habits.
• To carve out a little bit of time for themself. For breathing, and reflecting. For becoming the person they were always meant to be.

It’s a hybrid of coaching, teaching, mentoring – it’s fully adjustable to each unique human being I spend time with. And it’s changing outcomes.?

Maybe you’re reading this, and you have someone in your head that this would work for. Share it with them. Gift it to them, if they’re someone you love, and you can do that.?

They’ll thank you, and so will I. ??

Meanwhile, as the wonderful poet Haroon Khan said to me recently, via his book, give yourself?

‘Brownie points

For laughing

With your whole body

Wherever you pass through’

And, as you do,

‘Please, please, please

Leave thick residues of love’

Thank you, Haroon. See you next week!

Till next time,?

Lois ??

p.s. The bullet points don’t come from me; they come from my client. She’s changing her outcomes.?

*Yes, I know there are some amazing menfolk out there who do this, too. Well done. The stats, sadly, show that it’s the women who’re covering most of the bases, at some considerable expense to their personhood. That makes me angry.?REALLY angry. ??