Asking for Feedback, Dealing With Unhelpful Feedback or If You Disagree with it. Plus International Podcast Day

As a leader whether you are in sales or not, you are selling. Selling your ideas and wanting to get buy in to your vision or get the budget for your projects, or selling yourself at interview. But many leaders hate selling. On the Quietly Visible podcast I spoke to sales expert Justin Leigh about the importance of sales and how to master the fear of it.?Listen to what he had to stay on the link above. Take Justin's scorecard to discover your sales and influencing score, and receive a free copy of his best selling book here.

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Asking for Feedback, Dealing with Unhelpful Feedback, or If You Disagree with it

Last week I wrote about giving negative feedback and shared tips on how you can do this if giving negative feedback is something you avoid. This week I am writing about asking for feedback when it is not forthcoming, and how to deal with negative feedback if you receive it.

Having read an article on the Harvard Business Review website that stated women are 20% less likely to receive actionable feedback that can contribute to their performance and growth at work, I conducted a LinkedIn poll to elicit views on here. Whilst the poll has many limitations, and it didn’t just include women, it was revealing, nevertheless.

Only 35% said they regularly received helpful feedback about their leadership/work performance and 28% said they don’t receive any feedback at all. I have often seen in the absence of feedback women leaders draw their own conclusion. Most often in drawing their own conclusion, they rate themselves less favourably.

If you don’t receive feedback and you are worried that if you ask, the responses may not be favourable. Or you receive feedback that is unhelpful or don’t agree with, the following may help:

Asking for feedback when it’s not forthcoming and you’re anxious about what it will look like

It can be easy to let things ride if you don’t receive feedback because you’re worried that it might not be favourable. This is particularly so if you are prone to imposter syndrome, and you fear that you’ll get found out that you’re not really good enough.

By not asking for it, you are doing yourself a disservice and not allowing yourself an opportunity for growth and hindering your leadership development.

If you don’t like criticism and are worried that feedback will be negative, explore your reasons for thinking that you will get negative feedback. What justification is there for that belief? Is it that deep down you know you haven’t been performing as you should be? Or are you having a dose of imposter syndrome and imagining the worst possible outcome when the reality is that there is no evidence to support your belief?

When asking for feedback, be clear about what you want feedback on and be specific.

What’s the worst that could happen?

If you avoid asking for feedback, what’s the worst that could happen if you do? It will either be positive, negative, or in-between. By being open to receive the negative as well as the positive, you give yourself an opportunity to identify your blind spots and areas of development.

If the feedback is the worst that you could have imagined, what can you do about it? If the person has been fair and specific in giving you the feedback, if you have been totally honest with yourself, did you have some idea that this was to come? ?

If feedback does show that you are not performing as you should, use it as an opportunity to develop and create a plan for this.

If feedback is unhelpful or you don’t agree with it

Sometimes feedback can be vague, with the person giving the feedback needing to develop their skills at giving it. If it is unhelpful, ask for specific examples of where you fell short of what was expected and get clarity on what the expectations are. Make sure you are clear about what you need to do in order to meet those expectations.

If you don’t agree with what is being said, don’t respond emotionally. Give yourself time to calm down and to think rationally, then analyse the feedback. Try and see things from the other person’s perspective. What could be the reason why they gave you such feedback?

Is there specific evidence to support what they have said? Do you have specific evidence to show that the feedback is not justified? Don’t let your emotions get in the way of you looking at the situation objectively.

Arrange to meet with the person who gave the feedback. If there are aspects of the feedback that you agree with, acknowledge this, and communicate how you will address it. Where you don’t agree, ask for clarification. Be clear why you disagree and back it up with examples.

Hopefully you will come to an agreement. However, if you are unable to reach a consensus, what happens next will depend on who it is giving the feedback and what the feedback is for. This will determine your next steps and depending on the situation, you may want to get advice and/or support.

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International Podcast Day 2021

Yesterday was International Podcast Day, an international celebration of the power of podcasts. It was 8 months ago that I started the Quietly Visible podcast for introverted women who want to thrive as leaders and in life. And 38 episodes later and 24 guests, it has had over 8,300 plays.

The top 5 geographic locations of listeners are US (43%), UK (33%), Australia (4%), Canada (4%), and South Africa (1%).

My guests share their expertise and/or experience, and we have discussed a range of topics including being a confident public speaker, conquering interview nerves, developing resilience, microaggressions, investing, personal branding, imposter syndrome, mindfulness, research on introverted leaders, health and nutrition, and much more.

Thank you to all of you who listen to the podcast. I am always open to guests who are introverted women and senior leaders who want to share their stories as a way of encouraging other women (as well as raising their visibility). As well as all women and men who have expertise they want to share that will help my listeners to thrive as leaders and in their lives.

If there are any particular topics you want me to cover on the podcast, please comment below.

About Me

I am an Executive and Career Coach specialising in introverted women who are senior leaders. I've been the featured expert in Women and Home Magazine, Good Housekeeping Magazine, the Telegraph, on BBC Radio 5 Live, named a LinkedIn Top Voice UK 4 years running, and received awards for my work developing women leaders.

Through my work I have helped 1000s of women across the globe to increase their confidence, influence and impact as leaders, and overcome imposter syndrome, increase their executive presence, improve speaking performance in meetings, get a promotion, and more.

My vision is that ALL women achieve their full potential and become spheres of influence for positive change in their respective fields.

If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment?here.?

My book Quietly Visible: Leading with Influence and Impact as an Introverted Woman addresses many of the challenges that introverted women face as leaders and shows you how to overcome them. It was listed as one of the 10 best self-development books written by women to read during lockdown by BeYourOwn. You can get your copy?here?along with a FREE recording of my How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome workshop.