Ask "The Script Mentor"- Jan. 2020

The following are recent questions sent to The Script Mentor. While we don’t pretend to know ALL of the answers, we do our best in steering people in the best direction, and in doing so, thought some of these answers could help you as well.

Q - Geno, is it advisable to submit a logline within the opening paragraph(s) of a synopsis or should the logline be submitted separately to the synopsis (as in, within the body of the opening approach letter)? I've heard different answers to this same question and would like advice on which would be more appropriate.

A - If the synopsis is part of a marketing "package" being sent to someone, which might include the query letter and logline, the logline would be the first section of the query letter, with the one-page synopsis being on a separate page.

However, if the requestor is asking for just the synopsis, chances are they've read the logline somewhere, but I would still include a title and the logline as part of the synopsis as separate sections above the synopsis. It can't hurt. Otherwise, they may be reading a synopsis and not know what the project title is, and may not be able to attach it to the logline they've read somewhere. Keep in mind, a producer may get a hundred or so of these in a given month, so help them out by including it for them.

IMO, the title and logline go together on everything you're creating as far as marketing material, which is one reason why they are both so important to nail. The logline tells you what, essentially, your story is about- in 30 words or less. The synopsis walks you through that story without the extraneous details.

Q – Hi Geno! Thank you so much for getting in touch with me. I’ve heard you offer a first ten-page read and review. Just out of university and I've been advised to get my script out as soon as possible. I need to work on the script a little but this shouldn't take me any longer than a day or two and then I'll forward it to you. Again thank you for this, look forward to your advice and feedback.

A - I'm curious- who "advised" you to get the script out as soon as possible? I hope it was someone who knows screenwriting, who has read the script, and definitely feels it is as good as it can be; zero spelling, grammatical and formatting issues, excellent structure, unique concept and well-written in all facets. That being the case, then hopefully it has been read by several various professional screenwriting coverage services, and has received strong "recommends" across the board. Perhaps, in addition, it's won a number of high-profile contests on top of all of that. Without all of this- and more- in place, that advice is wrong, wrong, and wrong on so many levels.

 I am excited to read those first ten pages and to give you my honest assessment of the project, and if it has all of the above, I know several managers and producers who will read it in a second!

Q – “A question about chase scenes. I have a chase scene going from a café to a safe house; do I have to label every turn as a new location?

For example:

Int. Café…Leave café

Ext. Back of Café…Exit.

Ext. Alleyway…Turn

Ext. Another Alleyway…Exit.

Etc.

(I shortened each action line but I think you get the drift of can I write it in a paragraph)?

A - I think I know what you are going for, but I would have to see how it plays out when you write it to get a clearer picture. Generally, in a chase scene, not every location is noted unless action occurs there. Think "camera location". If the camera is going to stop and be set-up at that location, it will be noted in the script as a scene location.

(after reading rewrite)

 If the action narrative lines all relate to the same action, you should bundle them together. In other words, instead of this:

Rogue exits the elevator.

(new line) He walks down the hall.

(new line) He finds the right hotel room; knocks

(new line) "Bullets slam through the door; Rogue dives to the ground"

 It might be written like:

Rogue exits the elevator on the fourth floor; cautiously slinks down the hall. He finds room forty two and knocks.

A click; the all-too-familiar sound of a shotgun hammer. 

Rogue hits the ground as a shotgun blast slams into the door.

 Hope this helps!

Q – I have a question for you. I translated dialogue and only have the English version in the script. Should I have the dialogue in Spanish?

A - It depends on how much there is. If it's substantial, I would write it in English, but make sure it's clear the character is only speaking Spanish, by indicating as much in a parenthetical. 

 If it's an occasional expression or cuss word, I wouldn't even bother. Even if the reader doesn't know what it means, literally, it's probably understood to be an angry phrase or cuss word.

 If it's a character that speaks once or twice, but shares information important to the story (i.e.- a witness during a killing, etc.), I would write it in Spanish and either translate it in parentheses, or have another character translate it to others out loud.

WRITER'S BIO: Mr. Scala spent 22-plus years in the Hollywood community, and was the Executive Director for the 72nd Annual Academy Awards, as well as The Soul Train Awards, The Grammys, The Blockbuster Video Awards Show and The Saturn Award Show.

Geno has dozens of completed feature film screenplays and television pilots. His company has completed nineteen (19) novel-to-screenplay adaptations for clients. He counts many celebrities among his vast clientele. His television project, "Bad Priest", is in development with a cable network, where one executive said the following:

"This pilot is compelling and clear and offers just enough to tease us with where these stories and characters might go. It begs for a full season..."

Today, he and his writing team are actively working on several ghostwriting projects for his celebrity (and non-celebrity) clientele, including the adaptation of pop star Jimmie Rodgers autobiography, and a Harry Chapin screenplay. They are also writing adaptations or mentoring on several projects from new writers and several self-published authors.