Ask The Right Questions.

I do a great deal of lecturing and training. From first responders to emergency room staff and hospital security, I‘ve had the opportunity to work with them all.

A few years ago I was contacted by the patient relations director of a hospital that shall remain nameless. They had had a very bad situation in their ER that involved a man with mid-stage dementia. For some unknown reason, they had no idea how to deal with this demented gentleman who was “not playing well with others” in the ER. Clearly they never understood how important it was to insure they feel safe or the impact of changing their environment, not to mention being surrounded by a bunch of strangers in lab coats and scrubs.

To give you an idea of how their mind can work, let me tell you about a situation I found myself in. Before I opened my first dedicated community for those with Alzheimer’s and other dementia and was in the early “learning curve,” I visited a dedicated wing of an assisted living community in Providence. Those that know me know that I always wear bow ties, and this particular day was no exception. As I stood behind the nurses’ station, one of the residents walked by and asked why the doctor was there. Then it became “is someone here sick?” And finally, “is it me, am I the one that’s sick?” She was connecting my bow tie to my being a doctor — I’m not, and I immediately took it off. Just like that, the doctor had left the building.

We don’t always know what will trigger anxious behavior, and our mission is to always keep them in their happy place. So with that said, what could the ER staff do to keep things on an even keel? I had the opportunity to sit with a number of key staff that were involved in the incident and it was clear to me that with a little insight into the patient, they would have had a much better outcome than the one they did.

I provided them a list of questions that they could ask of the family members that would provide them critical information and send a message to the patient that they were in a good place. As I share them with you, you’ll probably see where they’ll be helpful in everyday caregiving, especially when you are bringing outside help into your home.

• 1. What do they liked to be called? Mr. or Mrs., grandpa, captain? My grandfather was retired Navy and loved being called “commander.”
• 2. Are they comfortable with appropriate touching? Some are and some are not.
• 3. What topics could you talk about that would put them in a happy place? Red Sox, Yankees, military experiences, etc.
• 4. What topics should you NOT talk about and should be avoided? Red Sox, Yankees, military experiences, etc.
• 5. Do they have a favorite food that may be available? Ice cream, pudding, cookies?
• 6. Are they delusional and accusing people of doing things that they aren’t doing? Stealing, poisoning their food or medications, having an affair?

My grandfather did not have dementia, but even if he did, if a nurse or doctor approached him with “Good evening commander (while rubbing his shoulder), I can’t wait to talk to you about your Navy career. We’re going to get you feeling better and we want to run some tests. Meanwhile I have some Maple walnut ice cream on its way for you,” he would have followed them anywhere.

Countless times I remind anyone and everyone that we have to know our loved ones, clients, patients. That’s why the good assisted living communities do “cultural assessments” so they’ll know as much as they can about them. From hating Brussel sprouts to loving God, it’s great information for you to have.

Questions? Email me at?[email protected]. Join the Journey.