Ask questions before you say yes

I work with a lot of leaders who, given their deep empathy and desire to help others, usually say yes to requests. To new projects, to calendar invites, to almost anything asked of them.

Without considering how the additional commitment might impact them or their schedule.

Without even asking questions. They just decide they’ll make it work.

And they will—because they’re smart and supremely capable. But what is it costing them?

In a discussion I hosted recently about how to better manage energy through days of endless meetings and other commitments, one participant admitted it had never occurred to her to decline a meeting invitation.

Does this sound familiar? (Even if it doesn’t, I can tell you—it’s extremely common.)

Some of us are just wired, and then socialized, to say yes automatically.

To be truly effective, leaders need to learn to say no. It’s a critical skill. (If you struggle with this, my short coaching program, When to say yes and how to say no more effectively, might be a perfect fit. Let’s chat .)

But I’m not suggesting that anyone start wildly shouting NO at every opportunity. I am suggesting that you start asking some key questions before making a decision. This will (1) help you make better use of your time and energy—and, I hope, (2) put some responsibility back on meeting hosts to thoughtfully consider their invitations.

Questions to ask when a meeting invite pings

Is there an agenda?

·??Are the topics and goals of the meeting clear?

·??Are they aligned with, or at least relevant to, your (or your team’s) business goals?

·??Is the purpose of the meeting only to announce/share information, or will there be discussion or decisions to be made that require input? (There’s a strong argument to be made that most announcements and information sharing don’t require a meeting, but that’s a different topic.)

·?(Bonus question) If there’ll be discussion and/or decisions to be made, is there anything you can read in advance so you feel prepared and not put on the spot??

Do you need to be there personally?

·??If the goal is representation from your team, can you delegate someone to attend for you?

·??Will the meeting be recorded—can you watch/catch up at a time that works better for you??

Is your input needed?

·??Can it be given asynchronously, or do you need to be part of the discussion?

·??Will there be time for you to process the information before you’re asked for input?

Stop making assumptions about the request(or)

When you accept a meeting invite without asking any of these questions, you’re doing a couple things.

1.????You’re assuming that the host carefully thought through the list of invitees. ?

Sometimes, that’s true. This depends a lot on your company culture, though, and other factors. At some companies, everyone’s included to avoid the risk of appearing to exclude anyone. That’s nice, but is it the most effective use of everyone’s time? Especially when you’re talking about executives?

Your time is valuable.

2.????You’re assuming that the content of the meeting is more important than anything else you were planning to do at that time—including other meetings or getting work done (or taking a break if you’ve got meetings before and after).

Again, that might be true. But you’re letting someone else make that decision for you.

As a leader, you have to make responsible decisions about how you spend your time.

I spent more than 25 years in all kinds of corporate environments—from tiny, super-casual startups to gigantic, formal, global enterprises—and I get it: There are some meetings you can’t decline. There may be some people from whom you can’t (easily) decline meeting invites. But you can still ask the questions above, to ensure that you’re prepared and focused and making the best possible use of the time. (With the potential bonus result of helping improve your company’s meeting culture!)

?? Does any of this resonate with you? I'd love to hear your story.

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??Want to learn how to say no more effectively, or negotiate for a better outcome for everyone? Would it be helpful to have your own, personalized decision-making framework so you can easily decide when to say yes? Shift from people-pleasing to executive presence with my four-part program, “When to say yes and how to say no more effectively.” Schedule a 15-minute discovery call to see if it’s right for you.) ??