Ask Pam | My boss has been talking negatively about me - how do I handle it?

This bi-weekly LinkedIn Newsletter will address common and not-so-common questions leaders and executives, like you, have about the culture of the C-suite.

I've been serving in executive roles, reporting to Boards, CEOs, and Executive Directors since my early 20's. I've seen and experienced quite a bit, but mostly, I've learned a lot. These experiences are what led me to executive coaching.

If you're serving in the C-Suite or are headed in that direction, I'd like to hear from you. It's not often you can find a trusted advisor to answer your most pressing questions - for free. So here I am, let's talk!

This Week's Question:

Dear Pam:

My boss has been talking negatively about me to my leadership peers. I know this because a couple of them have come to me individually and shared what’s been said. I’m concerned and want to say something to my boss, but I promised them I would keep their comments confidential. How would you advise me to handle this?

Crossed by Boss

This Week's Response:

Dear Crossed by Boss,

Go back to your peers and tell them you must address this with your boss, but you will not divulge who shared. When you meet with your boss, you say something like, “It’s come to my attention that you may have some concerns about (me, my performance, etc), and I would like to hear what those concerns are and discuss your thoughts on adjustments or improvements.”

When they ask you who told you this, you can say, “Telling you who told me will only cause more frustration. What’s most important is that if it is true, while I wish you had said something to me directly and privately, and if we’re to continue working together effectively, I need my boss to be able to give me clear and direct feedback so I can grow and develop - that is if you want me to grow and develop.”

Try saying this without sounding condescending… try.

Here’s the point: if you storm in, guns blazing, it’ll feel so good, but you’ll leave a string of dead bodies and still be holding the gun. Instead, put the pressure, responsibility, and accountability on the one who may have created this mess.

Taking the high road sends several messages: 1) Don’t bring me gossip 'cause I’m gonna verify it, 2) I operate with integrity and credibility, and 3) I will address anything that threatens my character.

I will stop there. Be sure to read the contributions and thoughts of others.

Pam

Have a question you'd like for me to answer? Send it to [email protected]. Remember, your full name and contact details will never be published or distributed.

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