Ask More Questions

Last week I had a call with an entrepreneur who has designed a new arcade game cabinet and was looking for help getting it into the market (that's one of my superpowers). I introduced him to some people who I thought might be willing to offer him some free advice and maybe even some design and manufacturing assistance, as it's not quite ready for prime time IMO.

A week later he messaged me back saying he'd heard from one of them right away, but there had been no follow up from this individual. He then created a whole slew of stories in his head about what that might mean. Maybe he wasn't interested? Maybe he thought it was a dumb idea? Maybe he's incredibly busy? Maybe he is really interested and the response required is going to take more time than he has right now? Maybe blah blah blah...

My advice to him was simple. Stop making up stories and ask. 

One of the most powerful books I have ever read is The Four Agreementsby Don Miguel Ruiz. The Four Agreements (with yourself) are (my words in parenthesis with all due respect to Mr Ruiz who would never use such foul language):

1. Be impeccable with your word (this does not mean what you think - read the book)
2. Don't take anything personally (because nobody gives a fuck about you, they're all dealing with their own shit). 
3. Don't make assumptions (this is what this post is about).
4. Always do your best (because we are human, and generally fuck shit up so be kind to yourself).

Don't make assumptions. So simple a concept, so hard to do. As Jason Silva says, our brains are "meaning making machines". We need to understand why things are happening all the time, so we make up stories. And these stories are almost ALWAYS WRONG! But you know that, because how many times have you been worried about something that didn't actually happen? 

This process happens unconsciously. Your job is to become conscious. It's that simple. Learn to identify when you are making assumptions. The way I have done this is to start asking more questions. 

In order to ask questions, you need to be willing to be judged as stupid, uninformed, ignorant, or whatever. This is where the second agreement comes in; don't take things personally. But you can read about that in the book (you are hopefully starting to see how the four agreements might be intertwined).

When you ask questions you start to understand the other person's perspective. This leads to empathy, which leads to connection, which makes us all happier (it's been scientifically proven in the Grant Study.)

Another powerful benefit of asking questions came to light in a recent Harvard study.  Asking questions makes you more likeable. Which isn't surprising when you think about it. It shows that you are interested in the other person. Most people like to talk about themselves. But we have all been in the presence of someone who made us feel truly special, and that person was likely asking about us; what are our passions, what turns us on, what do we love? And then listened intently, capturing our every word, emotion and nuance. Doc Paskowitz was like that. Everybody that had a conversation with him left feeling like the most important person in the room.  

Anyway, back to my point about not making assumptions. Instead of making up stories, I might have gone back to the person I was trying to engage and written something like:

"Hey, just a reminder that I have not heard back from you. I don't want to make assumptions about what this means, because I know there could be literally a million reasons why I have not heard back. Could you just drop me a quick sentence and let me know?"

I use a version of this in selling all the time. In this day and age when email is the primary engagement tool for selling, it's really easy for people to ignore us. So sometimes I just send a simple email that says, 

"Hey, I have not heard back from you in a while. If you're not interested in what I am offering, it's totally cool. Just reply with 'the time isn't right for me' or 'fuck off forever' or whatever and I won't bother you. In case you actually want to keep hearing from me, just let me know when might be a better time.

I call this the "fuck off" email, and it usually elicits a response. It stops me from making assumptions about what someone wants. I am respecting their time, space and inbox. I know how busy we all are. I recently instituted a new CRM called Pipedrive and when I imported all my contacts I found people I was supposed to get back to almost a year ago. I can only imagine what stories they came up with. But I won't because that would be making assumptions.  

Another place this is CRITICAL is in product design and marketing. I've written about What's In It For Me  in a blog post back in December and how important it is to market from the perspective of fulfilling your customers' needs. If you don't know your customer, how can you fill their need, or even speak their language. This is where asking questions becomes life and death.  

If you are investing hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars designing a solution for a market based upon assumptions, you are playing russian roulette with your (or your investors') money. Plain and simple. If this is the case, you really out to reach out to me before it's too late.  

If you institute this in your business your customers, employees, and everyone you engage with will benefit. If you put this to work in your personal life you will find your relationships improving. You will be more likeable. You will make more friends. You will come across as more compassionate. You will be happier. 

Download the Guide to Asking Better Questions

If you are ready to ask more questions, and want to learn how to ask better ones, you might want to download this short guide, authored by my partner Kylie Savage, who is an expert in innovation and human centered design, and the director of capability for Human-Centered Design agency, Huddle in Melbourne Australia. This guide is one of the handouts from a new online course we are launching soon for companies that want to increase sales of their virtual reality solutions. If you want more info, just click here to send me an email.  

Next week I will introduce you to Oscar Trimboli, author of the book Deep Listening, because once you learn to ask better questions, you might want to learn to be a better listener. 

With love,

Bob

PS - Whenever you are ready, here are 5 ways I can help you make more money with virtual reality.

1. Join my free private Location-Based VR Mentoring Group on Facebook.  It's a great community of operators, developers, and thought leaders where we share information, best practices, product reviews, and special events. 
2. Click here to subscribe to my YouTube channel, where I post all the video interviews, product reviews and conference panels from VR events around the world. 
3. If you're developing, launching, or already selling a location-based VR product, grab a digital copy of my new book, Real Money from Virtual Reality for only $10 from my website, or on Kindle, and learn my tips and tricks for successful go-to-market strategy. 
4. If you’re looking to launch or increase sales of your LBVR product, I am launching an online course that will help. Email me with "online course" in the heading and I will let you know more.  
5. If you are ready to take your business to the next level, to work with me privately just reply with “Let's Talk” and we can jump on a call to discuss how I might be able to help. I have programs for operators, solution providers, and content creators.