Ask Me Not : Questions that seek information vs Questions that make a difference

Presuppositions and implicitness are often part of our verbal expression during our daily personal or professional communication. Sometimes it is deliberate, other times – unconscious. Higher awareness of it however enables us to formulate more clearly our thoughts so our words can match our intentions.

According to Oxford Dictionary “presupposition” is a thing tacitly assumed beforehand at the beginning of a line of argument or course of action.

We have all happened to find ourselves in this awkward situation saying not what we intended at first “That came wrong.”, “I did not mean to sound like this” – are you guilty of it?

Don’t worry we have all been there in some or other way. Even when we have said exactly what we meant to we might still be faced with an unexpected/undesirable response from the other person. In turn, we feel confused, misunderstood or simply regretting our words.

Being in a supportive role we are even more motivated to avoid this to happen and to make sure what we utter is exactly what we intend to and will serve other's (client) needs at the moment. Therefore, awareness of and skillful application of presuppositions in our questions is of intrinsic importance to achieve deeper conversations that challenge the status quo and stir things up.

Questions that seek information vs Questions that make a difference

Speaking of questioning skills inevitably evokes reflection on the other side of the coin - Listening. Although as coaches we often need to gather the hard facts about the client’s reality, our purpose in asking goes beyond collecting information.

What we should be genuinely interested and seeking is what we hear at the so called Level 3 listening: understanding the unsaid, reading between the lines. I like to say this is the floor where the magic happens.

Imagine having a batch of keys – questions – underneath your sleeve, which are the ones that would open the door to this magic realm? Each client is different and there is not a single manual that would serve all. However, being aware of what and why you are saying will make it easier and faster to find the right approach.

You may also think of presuppositions as vehicles carrying over our intentions behind the questions we pose to our clients; a tool to deliver the greater – covert – meaning of what we are asking. This greater meaning, higher aim refers to :

● Reaching the further depths of client’s thought process, his limiting beliefs, unrecognized fears and resistance and

● Promoting a positive and action-oriented mindset.

Now, knowing why presuppositions deserve attention (did you notice the presupposition I just used? ) let us move forward to see how it can be skillfully applied so that coaching relationship can actually make use of it.

1. Inviting a positive intent – Knowing that our focus is your promotion at work, how do you plan to upskill in the next one month?

2. Focus on the solution – What possible solutions have you thought of so far?

3. Encourage to Dream Big/Think out of the box – What are you going to be proud of by the end of this project? - Here the presupposition is of a positive outcome and prompts overcoming limitation, broadening perspectives, brainstorming ideas and unlocking untapped potential.

4. Calling for action – What will be the first thing for you to do after we end our session today? - A common question towards the end of a coaching session, it invites an explicit commitment to specific actions that would translate intentions into doing and change-making.

5. Holding oneself able by holding him accountable – How should I know you are taking actions on your plan? - Presuming the client is expected to do his own work between sessions indicates our conviction in his capability and dedication. This is highly important in promoting a client's self-confidence and motivation.

6. Considering external help - As you go along with the development of your first change-management plan, who could be helpful to you ? - Presuming the development would be a continuing, long - term process for a starter, the need for external help might occur and this questions prompts the client to consider their options and network.

7. Reflecting on the available resources - Knowing you are only slightly familiar with the subject, where could you find more information and guidelines ? - Similar to the above scenario, the client is reminded to explore support in various forms - this could be books, libraries, communities, webpages, trainings, academies etc.

The list could go on and on as

the use of presuppositions in questioning embodies the very philosophy behind the coaching method.

To sum up, it is an eye-opening and provoking deeper inquiry into one’s options and abilities.

As you can see in all of the examples, a presumption is made in such a way so to promote a positive unfolding of the client’s thought process and mindset in all aspects of the coaching journey:

Be it to recognize what is really important at the moment (Topic), what they wish for (Goal), what resources are available (Reality), his own capabilities (Opportunities) or their willingness and commitment (Wayforward).