Ask Me Anything: My answers

I recently asked people to send me their questions about anything being Trans in and out of the workplace, resiliency, or authenticity. I love hearing from people; I do best when I can react to a question. Below are a few that I received and chose to answer.?

The first question is a good one to start with and sets the bar:?I honestly want to understand what it means to be a transgender person.?

I'll answer this both technically & medically and then give my own interpretation.?

The American Psychological Association (APA) website states, "Transgender is an umbrella term for persons whose gender identity, gender expression or behavior does not conform to that typically associated with the sex to which they were assigned at birth. Gender identity refers to a person's internal sense of being male, female or something else; gender expression refers to the way a person communicates gender identity to others through behavior, clothing, hairstyles, voice or body characteristics."??

This leads us to some further clarification that is needed from APA on the difference between sex and gender: "Sex is assigned at birth, refers to one's biological status as either male or female, and is associated primarily with physical attributes such as chromosomes, hormone prevalence, and external and internal anatomy. Gender refers to the socially constructed roles, behaviors, activities, and attributes that a given society considers appropriate for boys and men or girls and women. These influence the ways that people act, interact, and feel about themselves. While aspects of biological sex are similar across different cultures, aspects of gender may differ."

While I generally agree with the above, I will give my interpretation and further answer what I think is implied in the original question. Transgender individuals live under the umbrella term I prefer Transgender & Gender Non-Conforming (TGNC). It is more inclusive and covers individuals that may move from one end of the gender spectrum to the other in various ways, such as assigned male at birth (AMAB) moving to female, or assigned female at birth (AFAB) moving to male. There are also people whose identity is multiple or even non-gendered like identities for she/they, he/they, they/them, she/they/he, or neo pronouns like Xe/Xem, for example. Terms to know are Trans Man or Trans Masculine (AFAB now male), Trans Woman or Trans Feminine (AMAB now female), NB (Non-Binary & may be multi-gendered or agender(non-gendered), sometimes known as ENBY).

I honestly believe that considering gender as a spectrum of binary expression is erroneous; more on my view in a minute. Gender is not as simple as only male or female, with shades of gray in between. Today, we see cisgender people, or someone whose gender matches their assigned sex at birth, with various gender-accepted expressions. We see this from high-masculine men to low-masculine men and high-feminine women to low-feminine women. Many of us can look to our families, friends, and coworkers and see examples of this in the real world. However, we must also acknowledge that perceptions of accepted gender expression differ worldwide. For example, we see this in a woman who always wears makeup and dresses very feminine vs. one who never wears makeup and dresses relatively neutral, or a man who gives little attention to his look vs. one who is very groomed.

I prefer to think of gender as a Quadrant or 4-way chart where the x-axis is male to female, and the y-axis is Transgender to Cisgender. When we look at gender this way and leave a binary spectrum behind, we can now cover the gamut of Cisgender and transgender expressions in one chart. In so doing, we make it easier to acknowledge the wide variety of gender expressions already part of the norm today and can now see more clearly how TGNC gender expressions fit in. See the chart with and without examples below.

What I perceive underlying in the question is?what is a transgender person, and what qualifies??People who are TGNC come to this from many different backgrounds, social settings, and cultures, and trying to define this concisely is like boiling the ocean. People like me may feel mild dis-ease to deep depression and anxiety in the gender expression aligned with their sex at birth. Some will strongly align with the sex opposite of theirs, some will gravitate to the middle, and some may feel they have multiple genders that change regularly.?

Society has taught us to think of TGNC people as only having THE surgery, but the reality is that this is a step taken by less than half of our community for various reasons. The simplest way to think of this is that TGNC people might take some medical action (hormonal changes and or surgery), social action (pronoun change, a new preferred name, a different style of dress), or legal action (legal name change, gender marker change), and in some cases some or all of these. Worry not about this because even in cisgender people, gender expression is personal and quite differentiated within social norms. While we are here, if you are cisgender, take a moment and dwell on the idea of changing your gender. Does it feel offputting or uncomfortable? You now know how TGNC people feel being forced to occupy a gender that does not match feel. Now imagine feeling that way all the time with no escape. I hope this gives you more compassion when interacting with someone who is TGNC.

This is enough of an answer to get people thinking. Now for question number two:?Why are LGBTQIA+ people, particularly those that are transgender, not treated equally to other people regarding human rights???

The answer to this is not easily summarized. And I want to state I am no expert. Still, the short answer is the rise of Christo-Facist hate movements that have targeted LGBTQIA+ plus people, particularly, as well as people who are Black, Latinx, Asian, Jewish, and an ever-growing list of "others who must be marginalized in society." We see this rising hate in colonialism, far-right extremism, religious conservatism, xenophobia, and the current desire to return to the "way things were" by conservative-leaning people. Further, mainstream media that people consume still mainly portray LGBTQIA+ people negatively for ratings. In reality, many cisgender hetero-normative people in right-leaning communities have little to no personal experience with our community and have no reason to question what they hear parrotted by others from a hate perspective. Further, and this may be hard to hear, many cis hetero-normative people in left-leaning communities are slow to stand with us, as what happens to us may have little impact on their lives, which may cause them difficulty in seeing our rights as at risk — less hate, and more "not my problem."

No matter how you frame this regarding the LGBTQIA+ community, it comes down to propping up patriarchal power structures. These require all to conform to cis-hetero normativity and are usually framed up in a trumped-up need to "protect the sanctity of marriage and family."?

I recently read an article that showed how after times of great turmoil, in the US at least, we generally see a period of conservatism that inevitably leads to an increase in hate movements. Think of McCarthyism after WWII, the Gay Panic and Aids crisis coming out of the Cold War and the recession of the 70 and 80s, and the period following the Twin Towers attack on 9/11. And we see an extreme rise of this again as we emerge from the Pandemic. When things get rough, people get scared, they look for boogeymen around every corner, and the LGBTQAI+ community is a favorite target.?

Let's turn now to question three:?Who or what events inspired, or continue to inspire, you to be a positive light for others?

Wow, this is a flattering question, for sure! The answer has a lot of variables, but I'll start with my general point of view. I have always been happy-go-lucky and am an extrovert who enjoys visiting with other people. I can quickly start a conversation with a group of total strangers. I like people.

Throughout my life, I have always been able to forgive myself for various transgressions, and I reflect that to the people around me. Because of this, people have always wanted to tell me what is happening with them, whether they are good or bad things. As a result, people generally feel like I am a safe space. I focus on the good in people and remember that when someone makes a mistake, they likely have good intentions. And honestly, I can't stay mad about something for long; my wife might disagree.??

I am also very focused on improving myself and being a better human in any way possible. It would be hard to give myself that gift and not give it to others around me. Frankly, before my transition, I had solved most of my other regularly occurring personal problems in life. I used to have a messy life, but my intense need for stability and safety gave me the fuel to work through most of my shit. Indeed, I still have shit come up; however, I am more practiced at getting through it and improving at this point in my life.

Frequently I am described as meeting people where they are with love. I hear this often, along with fearless, resilient, and authentic. Hopefully, all of that didn't make you gag. But it is what people say about me. If I had one, my kink would be compassion and generosity.?

I love humor, being silly, and having fun. I am never more than a few moments away from silly observations or corny jokes. Indeed, I can be very serious and appropriate, but why not laugh whenever you can? Please do not mistake this as an inability on my part to have drive, get things done, have tough conversations, and fight for what I think is right.

In regards to people or events that inspire me, there are a few. As a child, most of my friend's parents looked out for me at times when mine could not. I had three very close friends with loving families that I adored. One of whom I went hiking with just a few years ago and enjoyed every moment of getting to reconnect with them. I was also a Boy Scout and had a great Scout Master that looked after me and taught me what a responsible and kind adult looked like. My music teacher in middle school was an angel who took me under her wing and introduced me to a whole new world.?

My dad's partner stepped up to play a massive role in my life. He helped me get my first job, driver's license, apply to college, and showed me how a loving gay man could be an excellent role model.?

My grandfather was the Head of the English department of Texas A&M and was the gentleman of the town he lived in. He showed me how to work a crowd, be charming, witty, and he gave me a thirst to travel the world.?

My mom always had so many friends over at the house, and she was the life of any party. She taught me how to talk to adults when I was a tween, show up in polite society, entertain, and win people over with humor. So much of my sense of humor comes from her.?

To sum up, I derive tremendous joy from being someone's cheerleader. I am a rah-rah type of person. I have a quick wit that never is about breaking people down, and I can tell a story well. All of these come together in the person you see in front of you. I live life with zest.

Talk to you soon

-E-