Ask for Help

Our eldest daughter started at secondary school last September, into the International Baccalaureate (IB) system, which we felt would better suit her individual style of learning. Most of the first year is spent helping students get comfortable and into the habit of seeking guidance and asking for help with their work - the emphasis being on deeply embedding skills early around taking initiative, personal responsibility and using creativity when problem-solving; all highly valued skills in the world of work and life in general.

Easy in principle, more difficult in practice!

No matter how old we are, asking for help is a skill which, like a muscle, needs to be built up (and in some cases re-built) over time and with practice. We also need to be comfortable in letting people help too.

The ‘ask for help’ lightbulb came on for me a number of years ago, in terms of my own career development, when I realised that not asking for help was holding me back; that others around me were and in doing so, were being clearer in their intentions and articulation of their own plans and goals, further up the line (which is why mentors, coaches and sponsors are so important in our career, to help us with those asks). And in my experience to date, most people are very willing to provide help if you ask and are clear about what you need. And if they can’t, generally happily suggest someone else who might be able to help instead.

I spend a lot of time coaching my teams on setting-up for success by building and then executing against a plan. Recognising where we need help to fill the gaps in that plan, is a key part of the process. And the ‘ask for help’ bit, at times, is where we tend to fall short. Asking for help takes courage and requires bravery, in some cases, as it opens us up to potential vulnerability in admitting that we don’t necessarily have all the answers. Vulnerability is uncomfortable and most of us don’t want to feel this very often, which means that we’re missing out on opportunities to grow by not asking for help. I see it as my role as a leader to encourage, support (and in some cases, push!) my teams out of their comfort zones, to strive for things that they may be initially worried about doing (remember, it’s not called a comfort zone for nothing!)

You're not alone

And aside from business and career development planning, the obstacles and challenges that this last years global pandemic has thrown at us, means that we’ve all been forced out of our comfort zones in one way or another. It's been tough! Checking-in on each other to see how we’re really doing has been so important, and, as a leader, encouraging my teams to ask for help (as well as leading by example in asking for help myself), a recurring theme over the past year. Admitting that we need a break, or that we can't see the wood for the trees and we need to lean on our teams and colleagues for support has been fundamental to helping each other get through these past 12 months. Though (hopefully!) now in the final stages of the marathon, check-in with your team, colleagues and friends - perhaps they can’t bring themselves to ask for help themselves - can you offer help instead?

We’ve been so impressed with how far our eldest daughter has come in in the past six months, learning and getting better at a skill that will serve her for life. One that she will need to keep using in order to strengthen it. And one for us all to strengthen by leveraging the fantastic diversity of thought, skills and talents of those around us, to support us or help us with something new.

Great things never come from comfort zones and no one person can be successful in isolation. Ask for help if you need it.

I would love to hear your thoughts on where asking for help has been the key to success for you - do let me know in the comments below.