Ask The Expert: Downsizing
Ashley Seace, BA, CMC , AOS Care Manager | [email protected]
Question: My great-aunt is making the move to a long term care community in a few months. She has a house full of furniture and stuff that she needs to sort, organize and get rid of. I've tried to talk to her about it later. Later is here! How can I help her without overwhelming both of us?
Answer: Great question! This is such an important topic to cover because moving and downsizing can be so overwhelming for all parties involved. It is great that she has you to help her organize and move her things as she starts this new chapter of her life!
The first recommendation is for you all to sit down and have a realistic conversation with one another. It's okay to remind your great-aunt that you have a deadline, which is fast approaching. It's also okay to be pushy sometimes about deadlines.
You should also have a realistic conversation about the size of her new place. Is she moving into an independent living facility? Assisted living? Skilled nursing? All of those options offer varying sizes, and your great-aunt won’t be able to fit EVERYTHING in the new space. Once you discuss the size of her place, you can narrow down the pieces of furniture, décor, or artwork she may be able to fit into the room.
It could also be beneficial for the two of you to go look at her new space together so that she can see it and visualize what might fit in there, or even check out a model room at the community to see what realistically might fit in the space.
Another thing to consider is that if she is going into assisted living or skilled nursing, there are some things that she is not allowed to have in her room due to safety concerns and that will make downsizing slightly easier.
The next thing to consider is if you want to hire outside professionals to assist in the organizing process. This an overwhelming process for everyone involved and for the sake of your relationship, you may want to consider an unbiased third-party professional to help. You could work with a professional organizer who is trained in the art of downsizing. They will help you and your great-aunt decide what to keep, toss, and donate. And they will also be realistic about what should be kept or donated. She doesn’t have to get rid of everything; some things can stay in the family. Ask her what she is willing to leave with a trusted family member instead of donating or throwing it away. That way, she knows it is safe and being cared for in the same capacity that she would. An Aging Life Care Professional? can also assist you with this process. They can even help you visualize the space you are moving into and know what typically works in the rooms at varying levels of cares. You might also want to consider working with a moving company to facilitate the transition. Word of mouth is the best way to find movers in your area. Start by asking around at your great-aunt’s new long-term care community because someone there is bound to have a suggestion on a mover!
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Lastly, it is very important to think about why your great-aunt might be avoiding the topic of downsizing, organizing, and moving. Think about how long she may have lived in her current home and the memories that are held there. This is an emotional decision as much as it is a financial situation. Tread lightly and validate how she is feeling. She is probably overwhelmed by all her possessions AND her feelings right now. What she needs now more than ever is to have you in her corner and to offer her support as she embarks on her new journey. With these tips, you can do just that, avoiding the overwhelm and spending your time and energy tackling this new adventure.
New from the All Things Aging Podcast!
Episode 17: The Many Sides of Downsizing
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