Ask a Better Question to get the Truth

As a child refugee, I was asked this question a lot. More times than I ever felt comfortable with. With an influx of refugees and immigrants we are seeing now— more and more— I ask you to consider a better question. That is, if you actually care about the answer. 

As a writer, journalist, and brand strategist, I understand the value of asking the right questions. As someone who lived it, I feel that value.

Try this: Instead of asking a refugee, “How do you like America?” ask, “What do you miss most?”

The first question is a self serving one: of course YOU like America, you grew up here, you’re proud and excited to show off your land to this newcomer. You want to hear amazement and praise. But, you’re not going to get a true answer. 

Sure, America is amazing, safe, and wonderful. You have fun-packaged foods, wide sidewalks, and large, robust malls. The refugee appreciates all of these things and is grateful to be here. 

But as shiny and new as things here may be, these are not the things that deeply matter or win a person’s heart. YOU want to hear praise, but it only pressures the other person to say what you want to hear. They know. They’ve been asked this question a hundred times.

“That’s a different accent. Where are you from? Oh! Do you like it here? How do you like America?”

It’s an isolating moment that leads to an unintentionally rehearsed answer.

“Yes, its all so impressive. All the things…”

But, ask a question that is not about you. 

Ask, “What do you miss most?” “What do you ache for from your homeland that you left behind?” Then you will learn the real perspective and experience of the person you think you are curious about.

You may get an answer like, “I miss the ancient architecture. I miss the rich red color of the soil. I miss how the roots bent through the edges of the streets as they curved up the hill to my old home. I miss the smell of the old stones of the buildings— connecting me to the generations who walked those streets before me. I miss the outdoor markets filled with fish and barking dogs. I miss my friends and cousins. I miss how I could take the train to spend a week with my grandparents at their home by the river…now they are an ocean away. I miss the music, and the way we ran out into the streets well after dark, because that was the way everyone stayed out. I miss the birch trees that seemed to be just everywhere. There are few birches here. I miss that.”

Then, just acknowledge that there is pain in leaving. No matter how dire the situation the newcomer escaped, they still lost their home and culture. Welcome their true story by asking a better question.

#Journalism #Interview #Q&A #Story