The Artist Mother -the Absurdity and Alignment and Awesomeness

*Author's note: These are random asf words I really feel someone desired and so the universe conspired to download them in me.

“I am a whole mother.”

I think this sometimes while I’m shuffling my children around between school, martial arts classes, supermarkets, restaurants, beach, parties, salons and barber shops, the park, home and wherever the wind blows our fantastic selves.

That’s a deck of cards reference. I want the reader to see the mom-starter-life-pack as just a deck of cards, much of it feels the same, different card faces but they all seem to slide in, and just when we think we know the deck, a whole King of Hearts pops out, and then we pop out another baby.?

“I actually enjoy these terrible shitty little people.”

And all mothers complain about their children. Why? Because we think it proves we love the most. So we create shitty little people to complain about so that people will feel for us and at the same time be proud of us for loving shitty little people. Because, if you can love a shitty little person, you’re next to God! We’re so driven by ego it’s so boring. I like to think I’m as boring as it gets. I really am. My ego is huge. I think about how great of a writer I am, and how much I want to be known for my writing.?

But back to them being shitty little people.?

They’re actually pretty amazing. I hope they know this. For themselves. Because they will need to have this crucial information some day. Like when they’re rising in love with their lovers, to let them know they are just amazing people, attracting amazing people to them.

I love my children so much. But this is ridiculous.?

Being a creative mother is so ridiculous sometimes. It is trying to make sense of a world that never made sense to you. I was judging my daughter the other night while I was washing dishes. Not because I have a problem with dishes. But if it’s a problem, then that’s okay. But I actually like washing dishes because I tend to think up my deepest and bluest of ‘poem seeds’.

I was judging my daughter because I was thinking that she didn’t come and assist or take over. Also started thinking that she doesn’t give a damn if the dishes are washed or not. And then I thought. How sweet. I wish I could be like that. That carefree. And then I thought about how proud I am of her, not giving a damn. I thought of the reason I was “mad” at her in the first place is because she’s not obeying the rules. Then I started thinking that no one ever actually told me the rules. I just followed the “steps”. I didn’t think I could get off the “staircase”. Then I started thinking that no one cares who wrote the rules anymore. We love them anyway. We just don’t like the rules. It was never about the rules. Fuck the rules. They aren’t divine law.?

But yes, back to the ridiculousness of being a creative mother.

I began writing this article on December 7, 2023, and now only finishing it on February 3, 2024. I had a deadline of December 8 to post this on my LinkedIn profile because I had a “December to Remember” plan (because it helps me feel better as a creative to create).

And that means I’ve had to schedule my creativity because I am a creative mother and that means my life is full of creative motivations but also full of motherhood “rules” that no one ever wrote down, but all of us follow. This shit is ridiculous. And I love it. It’s the way of the tortured artist. All artists know pain. That’s the genesis of the creative “thing” we all have. That “thing” we have forces us to follow the bliss. And that’s the reason we create.

The bliss.?

While I’m writing this, I’m hearing my children’s voices above these frequency videos that YouTube feeds me. And at first, I was thinking that they disturbed the bliss I started to feel. But they are my bliss. God sent me this children to give me bliss, to recognise bliss, to know bliss deeply.

And then they show me a shit-show and I get vex.?

What was I thinking? Becoming a mother?!?!?! What was I thinking?!?!?!?

Me, an artist, a creative, a wildness that could not be contained. Why would I jump into the void that is motherhood? And not roll into the expanse of the universe? It’s. The. Same. Thing.

That’s the thing.?

Motherhood is the exact choice for an artist. It is in our need to create, that thing. That thing that makes our spirits delight. That thing. Our art. We always wanted to see and feel and play with our creation, our extension of ourselves, in better form. Artists always want to make art they do not feel worthy of. That’s mothers. It’s our thing. To manufacture little beings with the sweetest smiles and gassy faces and slick tongue roll. We relish in all of it. We cannot believe we have made such beautiful people. Not the people we wanted to be, but to be the people who the world could never dream of.?

This is the Awesomeness. The God gene I believe everyone is born with.?

“She really cracked the code.”

I think this while I look at my daughter at the salon. I am looking at her drawing fantasy Anime characters on her ipad with her Apple pencil and I think about how she is breaking “rules” of being a girl. She’s not learning to braid hair or cook. She’s not interested in looking pretty or wearing dresses. She doesn’t have dreams of having a husband and children. She’s just honing her craft. She just draws. And games. And vibes. All day every day. I think of the fact that my daughter is making her own rules. Or better yet, I think of the fact that there are no rules. That we can make them up as we go. Just as those before us did. And it’s okay that many of us just went along with them. And it’s okay that many of us don’t, or won’t, or can't. As a creative, I embrace this.?

I also embrace visions of a new world.

What does a new world look like? What kind of world can we imagine? What kind of world will creatives create??

I desire to bear witness to the following:

1. A Colony of Artist Mothers, but where God is the Colonizer - Living together in a large compound of small cottages or an apartment complex with a studios (dance, art, recording, aerial arts etc.) and playground for the babies and the mamas to play and create, and repeat. And a farm for sustainability. We eat what we grow. We grow what we eat.?
2. Educational Curriculum with GOD/ HOLY SPIRIT/ NATURE/ UNIVERSE (Or whatever name you call SOURCE) at the centre/ foundation- Where God is the centre of everything, we will have everything. Those who know, know. Can’t take away knowledge, so let’s learn and know God. Also, build in life skills and make it the curriculum. Farming & Fishing, Cooking for Healing, Sewing & Fashion Design, Self-Care, Art of Prayer, Swimming for Exercise & Rescue, Martial Arts etc. Let reading and mathematics support the learning of the aforementioned as opposed to making reading and mathematics standalone subjects.?
3. “Work” environments that prioritise God and Family - Because family is God’s first and highest institution. Every decision is backed by principle that expands the Kingdom. That way, parents will actually raise their own children because work hours will be built around home and family and not the syndrome/ epidemic of EGO or GREED masked in ‘productivity’ or ‘progressiveness’. There is nothing progressive about leaving a three-month old baby with a stranger while the parents work for eight to 10 hours, and then do it until the child is 18, and then wonder why children are strangers to their parents and vice versa.?

People may read this and think I’m absurd. I like that.

You have to be a little absurd!

Thinking outside the box is a commandment for creatives. It’s where God literally shows His face. So to be a little or a lot absurd is my commandment to you today.

Do what God tells you to do.

And do it without waiting or thinking about the outcome. It’s going to be glorious anyway.

That’s how God works, in Glory.?

P.S. Motherhood is really a master spiritual teacher, and children make the best teachers.?