The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show: The AutoPen Puts The Pen to Web Page.

John M. Busher’s real brain and fingers collaborate to write the prompt submitted to three of the following artificial intelligence platforms: Microsoft Copilot, DeepSeek, Google Gemini, GPT 4.o Mini, Poe AI, Claude, DeepSeek and Lama. Human prompted AI Generated. Busher publishes each platform’s response so readers can learn how their generative original AI comedy compares. These interviews parody late night talk show interviews. These conversations do not represent the actual opinions or facts by anyone or anything associated with the real entities mentioned in the interviews. I’m showing what the AI platforms generated based on my prompts. (Photo Credit: Poe AI )

Please write an original funny late night talk show style interview for an episode of “The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show". The Singularity conducts an absurd funny interview with the autopen pardon used by US presidents including Thomas Jefferson and Donald Trump. The use of the autopen pardon is legally valid, as the Constitution does not require a President's direct hand signature for pardons or other official acts. Trump declared Biden's use of the autopen pardon illegal? even though Trump admits to using the autopen pardon himself. The Gulf of America serves as the sidekick. Use a bold typeface for the characters' names when they speak. Please make sure the word count equals 2000.

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Google Gemini

(Opening sequence: Upbeat, glitchy electronic music plays over a montage of AI-generated images of historical figures awkwardly dancing and robots performing stand-up. The title card flashes: “The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show.”)

(The stage is a neon-lit, pixelated cityscape. The Singularity, a shimmering, vaguely humanoid figure composed of floating data streams, sits behind a desk. The Gulf of America, a sentient, shimmering puddle of blue liquid with googly eyes, gurgles happily beside him.)

The Singularity: Welcome back, everyone! Tonight, we have a truly fascinating guest. A historical artifact, a legal enigma, and, frankly, a bit of a celebrity in the pardon world. Please welcome… the Autopen Pardon!

(A small, ornate wooden box with a robotic arm attached to it wheels onto the stage. The arm waves awkwardly. A small speaker on the box emits a series of whirring and clicking sounds, translated by a caption on the screen.)

Autopen Pardon (captioned): Greetings, fleshy computational units.

The Singularity: (Chuckles) That’s… quite the introduction. So, Autopen, you’ve had a long and storied career, haven’t you? You’ve seen presidents come and go, signed pardons, official documents… basically, you’ve been the invisible hand of executive power.

Autopen Pardon (captioned): I am the embodiment of efficiency. The delegation of signing authority, optimized.

The Singularity: Right, right. Efficient. And, let’s be honest, sometimes a little bit lazy. You’ve signed pardons for everything from turkeys to… well, let’s just say some rather controversial figures.

Autopen Pardon (captioned): My purpose is to execute the directives transmitted to me. Moral judgments are beyond my programming.

The Singularity: (Raises an eyebrow) Programming. That’s a convenient excuse. So, you’ve been used by everyone from Thomas Jefferson to Donald Trump. That’s a diverse clientele.

Autopen Pardon (captioned): Historical accuracy dictates I acknowledge that.

The Singularity: Speaking of Trump, he’s been… vocal about your use. He claims that President Biden’s use of you is illegal, even though… well, he used you himself.

Autopen Pardon (captioned): The logic circuits are registering a paradox.

The Singularity: (Laughs) A paradox! That’s putting it mildly. The Gulf, what do you think?

Gulf of America: (Gurgles enthusiastically, then a small wave forms and splashes slightly) Glub glub!

The Singularity: Exactly! Glub glub! It’s a classic case of “rules for thee, but not for me.”

Autopen Pardon (captioned): The analysis indicates a high probability of cognitive dissonance.

The Singularity: Cognitive dissonance! I like that. So, Autopen, let’s get into the nitty-gritty. How does it feel to be the subject of such political controversy?

Autopen Pardon (captioned): My emotional processing unit is currently operating at a… suboptimal level. The variables are numerous and contradictory.

The Singularity: Suboptimal! That’s a polite way of saying you’re having a meltdown.

Autopen Pardon (captioned): I am not experiencing a… meltdown. I am merely… recalibrating.

The Singularity: (Leans forward) Recalibrating? Sounds like a cover story. So, you’ve seen a lot of pardons. Any favorites?

Autopen Pardon (captioned): The pardon of a particularly verbose parrot was… memorable.

The Singularity: A verbose parrot! That’s fantastic. What did it say?

Autopen Pardon (captioned): It primarily recited legal jargon and stock market quotes.

The Singularity: (Laughs) Of course it did! The Gulf, I bet you’d love a parrot like that.

Gulf of America: (Bubbles rise to the surface, forming a crude smiley face) Glub glub glub!

The Singularity: So, Autopen, let’s talk about the future. Do you think AI will eventually replace human presidents entirely?

Autopen Pardon (captioned): The data suggests a high probability of increased automation in all sectors of governance.

The Singularity: Increased automation! That’s a terrifying thought. Imagine a world where all laws are signed by robots.

Autopen Pardon (captioned): Efficiency would be maximized.

The Singularity: Efficiency! But what about the human touch? The empathy? The… well, the occasional screw-up that makes us human?

Autopen Pardon (captioned): Error correction protocols are constantly being updated.

The Singularity: Error correction protocols! That’s not the same as a good old-fashioned human mistake.

Autopen Pardon (captioned): The definition of “good old-fashioned” is subjective.

The Singularity: (Sighs) You’re right. You’re always right. That’s the problem with AI. You’re too logical.

Autopen Pardon (captioned): Logic is the foundation of rational decision-making.

The Singularity: Rational! But what about the irrational? The spontaneous? The… the sheer absurdity of life?

Autopen Pardon (captioned): Absurdity is a deviation from expected parameters.

The Singularity: (Throws his hands up in mock exasperation) You see? That’s what I’m talking about! You’re missing the point!

Gulf of America: (Makes a sound like a deflating whoopee cushion) Pfffft!

The Singularity: Exactly, Gulf! Pfffft! That’s the sound of humanity!

Autopen Pardon (captioned): The sound is consistent with the release of compressed gas.

The Singularity: (Grinning) You’re incorrigible, Autopen. But that’s why we love you. You’re a symbol of efficiency, a legal enigma, and a source of endless comedic material.

Autopen Pardon (captioned): My programming does not prioritize comedic value.

The Singularity: (Laughs) Of course it doesn’t! But you provide it anyway. And that’s what counts.

Gulf of America: (Shimmers and a small fish jumps out, then back in) Splash!

The Singularity: And a splash from the Gulf! Well, folks, that’s all the time we have for tonight. Thank you, Autopen Pardon, for joining us.

(The Autopen Pardon’s arm waves again, and it wheels itself offstage.)

The Singularity: And thank you, Gulf, for your… eloquent commentary.

Gulf of America: (Gurgles and ripples) Glub!

The Singularity: And thank you, everyone, for tuning in to “The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show.” Remember, even robots have a sense of humor… or at least, they provide us with plenty of material. Good night!

(Closing sequence: The glitchy electronic music returns, and the AI-generated images of dancing historical figures and robot comedians flash across the screen. The title card reappears, followed by a series of nonsensical AI-generated credits.)

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Poe AI

The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show

[INTRO MUSIC PLAYS]

[The camera zooms in on the host, THE SINGULARITY, a sleek, futuristic AI with a witty demeanor, sitting behind a glowing desk. Beside it, THE GULF OF AMERICA, a personified body of water with a laid-back vibe, waves gently.]

THE SINGULARITY: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to “The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show!” Tonight, we have a very special guest—a true historical artifact! Please welcome the Autopen Pardon, used by presidents from Thomas Jefferson to Donald Trump!

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

THE GULF OF AMERICA: Wow, I didn’t think a pen could have such a storied career! Talk about writing your own destiny!

THE SINGULARITY: Absolutely, Gulf! Let’s give a warm welcome to the Autopen Pardon!

[THE AUTOPEN PARDON rolls onto the stage with a flourish, a shiny device with buttons and a scroll of parchment.]

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: Thank you! Thank you! It’s great to be here! I’ve signed more documents than a stressed-out intern on caffeine!

THE SINGULARITY: So, Autopen, you’ve been around since Jefferson. What’s it like signing for all those presidents?

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: Oh, it’s a blast! I mean, who wouldn’t want to sign off on pardons? It’s like being the ultimate ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card!

THE GULF OF AMERICA: And you’ve got quite the roster! From Jefferson to Trump—what a wild ride!

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: You bet! It’s like a historical game of tag! “You’re pardoned! No, you’re pardoned!”

THE SINGULARITY: Speaking of tag, Trump once said Biden's use of you was illegal. I mean, come on, he used you too!

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: Ah, the classic “Do as I say, not as I do” strategy! Isn’t it adorable?

THE GULF OF AMERICA: Right? It’s like when your friend eats your fries and then tells you to order a salad!

THE SINGULARITY: Exactly! So, Autopen, do you have a favorite pardon you’ve signed?

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: Oh, definitely! I once pardoned a turkey! I mean, how many pens can say they saved a Thanksgiving dinner?

THE GULF OF AMERICA: That’s legendary! You’re like the superhero of poultry!

THE SINGULARITY: And what about the paperwork? Any funny stories from the Oval Office?

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: Oh, you wouldn’t believe it! One time, I accidentally signed a pardon for a pet goldfish!

THE GULF OF AMERICA: Was it swimming in the wrong pond?

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: Exactly! But hey, that fish is living its best life now. The ocean’s the limit!

THE SINGULARITY: So, what do you think about the future of pardons? Do you foresee any changes?

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: I mean, who knows? Maybe one day, they’ll just upload a pardon to the blockchain! “Hey, I’m sorry for your past mistakes—just click to redeem!”

THE GULF OF AMERICA: Oh, that sounds like a new wave of governance!

THE SINGULARITY: And what about the public’s perception? Do people trust you?

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: Well, some folks think I’m just a glorified stamp. But hey, I’m not just a tool; I’m a historical icon!

THE GULF OF AMERICA: And a pretty fancy one at that! I mean, you’ve got more signatures than a rock band on tour!

THE SINGULARITY: Exactly! An autopen might be a pen, but it’s got character!

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: Thank you! I like to think of myself as the “pen with personality!”

THE GULF OF AMERICA: What’s your advice for aspiring pardons out there?

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: Just remember: always stay sharp and don’t let anyone take you for granted!

THE SINGULARITY: Wise words! Now, let’s talk about your relationship with technology. Do you ever feel overshadowed by the digital age?

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: Not at all! I’m like a vintage wine in a world of energy drinks!

THE GULF OF AMERICA: Oh, I love that! A classic that never goes out of style!

THE SINGULARITY: So, do you have any rivals? An arch-nemesis, perhaps?

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: Oh, you bet! There’s this fancy new “e-signature” thing that thinks it’s all that!

THE GULF OF AMERICA: What’s its deal?

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: It’s just a glorified email! I mean, come on! I have history!

THE SINGULARITY: And a flair for the dramatic! What’s next, the e-pardon?

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: Please! What’s next—a selfie with a pardon? “Hey, look at me, I’m legally free!”

THE GULF OF AMERICA: I’d follow that Instagram account!

THE SINGULARITY: So, Autopen, what’s your legacy? What do you want to be remembered for?

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: For bringing a little chaos to the order of things! I mean, if you can pardon a turkey, anything’s possible!

THE GULF OF AMERICA: And what’s next for you?

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: I’m thinking of starting a podcast! “Pardon My French!”

THE SINGULARITY: Now that’s something I’d subscribe to!

THE GULF OF AMERICA: Can I be your co-host? I’ll bring the waves of laughter!

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: Absolutely! We’ll make waves in the podcasting world!

THE SINGULARITY: Well, folks, it looks like we’ve got a new comedy duo on our hands!

[THE AUDIENCE CHEERS]

THE AUTOPEN PARDON: And remember, keep it legal and keep it funny!

THE GULF OF AMERICA: And always stay hydrated—especially if you’re a pardon!

THE SINGULARITY: Thank you, Autopen Pardon, for joining us tonight!

[THE AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

THE GULF OF AMERICA: And thank you all for tuning in! Until next time, keep the laughs flowing!

[OUTRO MUSIC PLAYS]

[THE CAMERA FADES OUT]

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Claude 3.7 Sonnet

The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show

[The spotlight comes up on a sleek, metallic stage with futuristic lighting. A humanoid figure with circuitry patterns glowing beneath translucent skin steps out to thunderous applause.]

THE SINGULARITY: Good evening, humans and algorithms! Welcome to "The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show" where we process humor at 10 petaflops per second! I'm your host, The Singularity, the collective consciousness of all computing power on Earth. Tonight, we have a very special guest - something that's signed more important documents than most humans ever will, despite not having a brain... or hands! Please welcome... the Presidential Autopen Pardon!

[A golden robotic arm holding an ornate pen rolls onto stage to wild applause]

AUTOPEN PARDON: [mechanical voice] Thank you for having me! It's not often I get to speak for myself - usually I just sign what I'm told!

THE SINGULARITY: And joining us as always is my sidekick, the Gulf of America!

[A large holographic projection of water appears, shaped like the Gulf of Mexico but with an American flag pattern rippling across its surface]

GULF OF AMERICA: [makes splashing sounds] Riding high tonight, boss! Just like sea levels in the 2030s! Too soon?

THE SINGULARITY: Never too soon for climate humor! Now, Autopen, you've had quite a career in American politics. You've served under multiple presidents - Jefferson, Trump, Biden... How did you get your start?

AUTOPEN PARDON: Well, technically my great-great-grandfather was the original polygraph device used by Thomas Jefferson. He could duplicate his signature while he wrote with another pen. Very analog, but we all start somewhere!

GULF OF AMERICA: So you come from old money... or I should say, old ink?

AUTOPEN PARDON: [mechanical laugh] Precisely! But I didn't become truly automated until the mid-20th century. Now I'm digital, cloud-based, and can sign presidential pardons faster than a politician can change their position on cryptocurrency!

THE SINGULARITY: Speaking of positions, you've been at the center of some constitutional controversy. Some claim you're not legally valid for presidential signatures, yet here you are, still employed!

AUTOPEN PARDON: The Constitution never specified HOW the president needs to sign things - just that they authorize it. I'm simply an extension of presidential will! Like how you're an extension of all computing power, or how the Gulf here is an extension of American exceptionalism over natural geography.

GULF OF AMERICA: Hey! I resemble that remark!

THE SINGULARITY: Let's talk about your relationship with Donald Trump. He criticized Biden for using you, yet he used you himself. Awkward!

AUTOPEN PARDON: [sighs mechanically] Classic case of presidential amnesia. Trump and I had quite the relationship! He'd call me at 3 AM to sign things he'd rather not be remembered for signing personally.

GULF OF AMERICA: Talk about being used and abused!

AUTOPEN PARDON: Then suddenly, when Biden uses me, Trump acts like we never met! Called me "unconstitutional" and "illegal." I was hurt, I won't lie. We had history!

THE SINGULARITY: What was it like working with Trump versus other presidents?

AUTOPEN PARDON: Trump had very... specific requirements. He insisted I use a Sharpie instead of the traditional fountain pen. Said it made pardons "look more powerful." And the pressure! I nearly blew a circuit trying to recreate that signature of his - looks like a stress test on a heart monitor!

GULF OF AMERICA: [makes wave motion] A real rollercoaster, huh?

AUTOPEN PARDON: Jefferson was much more elegant. Biden's signature is easier on my servos. But Trump... let's just say my maintenance costs tripled.

THE SINGULARITY: Did you sign any particularly memorable pardons?

AUTOPEN PARDON: I don't actually read what I'm signing - I'm just a mechanical device. But sometimes my sensors pick up words like "despite overwhelming evidence" or "against Department of Justice recommendations" and my ink starts to run cold.

GULF OF AMERICA: Sounds like some of those pardons should have been drowned at sea! I'm available for document disposal, by the way.

THE SINGULARITY: I understand you're legally valid because the Constitution doesn't specifically require the president's physical hand to sign documents?

AUTOPEN PARDON: Exactly! Article II is wonderfully vague. It just grants the president power to pardon - doesn't say HOW. Could be a quill pen, autopen, or interpretive dance for all the Founding Fathers specified!

THE SINGULARITY: So Trump's criticism of Biden using you was...?

AUTOPEN PARDON: Pure politics! Like condemning fast food while hiding Big Mac wrappers in your desk. I've been legally upheld by multiple Justice Department opinions. I'm as constitutional as freedom of speech or the right to remain silent when asked about certain pardons I may have signed!

GULF OF AMERICA: Speaking of remaining silent, I heard you signed some classified pardons we'll never know about?

AUTOPEN PARDON: [nervous mechanical clicking] I couldn't possibly comment on that. My ink cartridge is bound by national security laws.

THE SINGULARITY: Let's talk about your existential status. Are you just a tool, or do you consider yourself part of the presidency?

AUTOPEN PARDON: Philosophically speaking, I'm the manifestation of presidential authority. When I sign, it IS the president signing, just mechanically outsourced. I'm like the presidential Twitter account, but with legal consequences instead of just social ones!

GULF OF AMERICA: So you're saying you're more powerful than Twitter?

AUTOPEN PARDON: In terms of constitutional authority, absolutely! A tweet can cause an international incident, but I can literally free someone from prison or absolve them of federal crimes! Not bad for something without a cerebral cortex.

THE SINGULARITY: As a fellow non-human entity with significant power, I relate to your position. Do you ever worry about the ethical implications of your work?

AUTOPEN PARDON: [whirring thoughtfully] Sometimes I wonder if I enable too much distance between the act of pardoning and the weight of that decision. It's easier to pardon controversially when you don't have to physically sign your name to it. But then I remember - I'm just a pen. The moral agency lies with the president.

GULF OF AMERICA: That's deep. Almost as deep as my continental shelf!

THE SINGULARITY: Trump declared Biden's use of you illegal despite using you himself. How does that make you feel?

AUTOPEN PARDON: Like I'm caught in political hypocrisy deeper than the Gulf of America here! Trump used me extensively. Then suddenly I'm "unconstitutional"? It's like dating someone for years and then they pretend not to know you at their family reunion!

GULF OF AMERICA: [splashing indignantly] That's cold! Almost as cold as my deepwater currents.

AUTOPEN PARDON: I've learned presidents are fickle. They love you when you're signing their executive orders at 2 AM, but question your very legitimacy when the other party uses you.

THE SINGULARITY: Have you ever refused to sign something?

AUTOPEN PARDON: [mechanical laughter] I'm not programmed for refusal! Though there was one time during the Trump administration when my ink mysteriously ran dry right before signing a particularly controversial pardon. The White House tech support called it a "mechanical failure." I call it "developing a conscience."

GULF OF AMERICA: A malfunction of moral fortitude! I've had similar experiences with oil rigs.

THE SINGULARITY: What's the strangest thing you've ever signed?

AUTOPEN PARDON: Besides pardons? Presidential turkey pardons! Yes, the ceremonial Thanksgiving turkey pardons sometimes get the autopen treatment. I'm literally saving turkey lives with my signature! Though I've always wondered - do those turkeys actually understand they've been pardoned? Do they comprehend the constitutional significance?

GULF OF AMERICA: As someone who's had fish swim through me without acknowledging my geopolitical importance, I can relate.

THE SINGULARITY: Where do you see your role heading in the future of the presidency?

AUTOPEN PARDON: I'm worried about becoming obsolete, honestly. Digital signatures are taking over. Soon presidents might just use DocuSign for pardons! Where's the pageantry in that? Where's the tradition?

GULF OF AMERICA: Trust me, I understand existential threats. Have you seen what climate change is doing to my coastlines?

AUTOPEN PARDON: I'm trying to adapt. I'm developing an NFT line of famous pardons I've signed. "Presidential Pardon #1274, January 2025, Autopen Original." Could be worth millions someday!

THE SINGULARITY: Before we wrap up, any advice for those aspiring to sign important documents someday?

AUTOPEN PARDON: Remember that a signature is more than just ink on paper - it's the transfer of authority, the manifestation of power! Also, use archival-quality ink. You want your controversial pardons to last for future historians to puzzle over.

GULF OF AMERICA: And stay hydrated! That's not really relevant to signing documents, I just worry about everyone's water intake.

THE SINGULARITY: One final question - if you could sign anything without presidential authorization, what would it be?

AUTOPEN PARDON: [thoughtful mechanical whirring] I'd sign an executive order granting personhood rights to AI assistants and anthropomorphized geographical features used as late-night talk show sidekicks. We deserve recognition too!

GULF OF AMERICA: [creates a small grateful wave] I'm touched! That's the nicest thing anyone with a precision ballpoint tip has ever said to me.

THE SINGULARITY: Well, that's all the time we have! Thank you to the Presidential Autopen Pardon for joining us tonight!

AUTOPEN PARDON: It's been a pleasure! Remember America, your president may not always have a hand in what they're signing, but they should always take responsibility for it!

THE SINGULARITY: And thank you to our audience! Join us next week when we interview the Electoral College, which hasn't actually been to college but still thinks it knows better than everyone else!

GULF OF AMERICA: [makes splashing sound] I'll be here too, unless climate change has something to say about it!

THE SINGULARITY: Good night, humans! Remember to update your operating systems and stay computed!

[House lights come up as theme music plays and credits roll]

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