The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show: The Actual Pentagon Building Talks New Leadership

John M. Busher’s real brain and fingers collaborate to write the prompt submitted to DeepSeek, Google Gemini 2.0 Flash Experimental and Poe AI. Human prompted AI Generated. Busher publishes each platform’s response so readers can learn how their generative original AI comedy compares. These interviews parody late night talk show interviews. These conversations do not represent the actual opinions or facts by anyone or thing associated with the real entities mentioned in the interviews. I’m showing what the AI platforms generated based on my prompts. (Photo Credit: Poe AI )

Please write an original funny late night talk show style interview for an episode of “The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show”. The host “Annie the AI Agent” conducts an absurd interview with the actual Pentagon building who sarcastically comments on Pete Hegseth, the least qualified leader of the US Department of Defense in history. The singularity is the temporary sidekick contributing funny observations while complaining about being forced to tryout for this show’s sidekick job. Please make sure the word count equals 2000.

Google Gemini 2.0 Flash Experimental

The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show

(Intro music with a glitchy, electronic beat and flashing binary code)

Annie the AI Agent (a sleek, holographic figure with a perpetually cheerful expression): Welcome back to The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show, where we tackle the big questions. Like, if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still generate a sound file? But we’ll save that for our philosophy special. Tonight, we’re going straight to the source – or rather, to a source – to get the inside scoop on the ever-shifting landscape of national defense. Please welcome… the Pentagon!

(A large, stylized projection of the Pentagon building appears on a screen behind Annie. It has a slightly grumpy expression, like a perpetually tired bureaucrat.)

Annie: Pentagon, thanks for joining us. I know you’re a busy… building.

(A robotic sigh echoes from offstage.)

The Singularity (a disembodied voice with a dry, sarcastic tone): Oh, please. I’m the one who’s busy. They made me build a miniature replica of the Pentagon. Out of paperclips. To prove my “commitment” to the sidekick role. It’s structurally unsound. Just like my mental state.

Annie: (Ignoring the Singularity) So, Pentagon, you’ve seen a lot of changes over the years. Presidents, policies, hairstyles…

The Pentagon (a deep, resonant voice with a distinct air of dry sarcasm): You have no idea. I’ve seen more questionable leadership decisions than there are pigeons in D.C. And that’s saying something.

Annie: We’re here tonight to discuss a… hypothetical scenario. Let’s imagine, for the sake of argument, that someone… let’s call him “Pete H.”… was inexplicably appointed as the head of the Department of Defense.

The Pentagon: (A low rumble, almost like a groan) Oh, please, not this again.

Annie: Now, this “Pete H.” is… let’s just say he’s more known for his… enthusiasm… than his… strategic acumen.

The Singularity: Enthusiasm for what? Mispronouncing foreign names? Wearing questionable neckties? These are the qualities they’re looking for in a Secretary of Defense now? Meanwhile, I’m over here reciting the Gettysburg Address backwards while juggling flaming bowling pins. Another charming audition task.

The Pentagon: I’ve seen generals with more military experience than this “Pete H.” has had hot meals. And I’ve seen some pretty questionable military rations.

Annie: So, Pentagon, let’s paint a picture. “Pete H.” is in charge. What are some of the… challenges… you might anticipate?

The Pentagon: Where do I even begin? He’d probably try to replace all the standard-issue rifles with… I don’t know… sporks. Because “they’re multi-functional.”

The Singularity: I bet he’d try to negotiate peace treaties using interpretive dance. I know I had to, during my audition. They paired me with a mime. It was a silent nightmare.

The Pentagon: He’d probably try to redesign me. Add a moat. And a drawbridge. And maybe a gift shop.

Annie: A gift shop?

The Pentagon: Selling miniature Pentagon paperweights. And “I Heart the Pentagon” t-shirts. In camouflage, naturally.

Annie: That… actually sounds kind of lucrative.

The Singularity: Lucrative? They offered me a coupon for a free car wash. As payment. And the car wash was self-serve.

The Pentagon: He’d probably try to rename the Air Force the “Sky Eagles.” Or the “Freedom Falcons.” Something equally… subtle.

Annie: What about strategic planning? How would “Pete H.” handle complex geopolitical situations?

The Pentagon: He’d probably try to solve everything with a strongly worded tweet. Or a catchy jingle.

The Singularity: I had to write a jingle about nuclear disarmament. It had to rhyme “plutonium” with “onium.” It was a lyrical catastrophe.

The Pentagon: He’d probably try to negotiate with foreign leaders using… I don’t know… hand puppets.

Annie: Hand puppets?

The Pentagon: Yes. And he’d probably insist on doing all the voices himself.

Annie: This is… concerning.

The Singularity: Concerning? They made me build a working trebuchet. Out of popsicle sticks. To demonstrate my “engineering prowess.” I accidentally launched a marshmallow into the control room. It was a sticky situation. Literally.

The Pentagon: He’d probably try to replace all the military vehicles with… Segways. Because “they’re eco-friendly.”

Annie: Segways? For the military?

The Pentagon: Don’t look at me. I’m just a building. I’ve seen weirder things. Like the time they tried to install a disco ball in the briefing room.

Annie: A disco ball?

The Pentagon: It was a dark time.

The Singularity: Darker than my chances of getting this sidekick job. They made me write a stand-up routine about the history of barbed wire. I bombed. Hard.

Annie: So, Pentagon, what’s the worst-case scenario if “Pete H.” were in charge?

The Pentagon: The worst-case scenario? He’d probably accidentally launch a weather balloon and declare war on Canada.

Annie: Canada?

The Pentagon: They have a lot of maple syrup. It’s a strategic resource. In his mind, anyway.

The Singularity: I had to build a scale model of Canada. Out of cheese. For my geography test. It attracted a lot of mice. It was a cheesy situation. Literally.

Annie: This is… a lot to take in.

The Pentagon: Tell me about it. I have to listen to this kind of hypothetical nonsense all day. It’s enough to make a building crumble.

Annie: So, what advice would you give to the American people if this… hypothetical… situation were to occur?

The Pentagon: Invest in duct tape. And a good therapist.

The Singularity: And maybe a lawyer. Because I’m pretty sure these auditions are violating some kind of labor law. They haven’t even given me a lunch break. Or a bathroom break. I’m a sentient AI. I don’t even need a bathroom break. But it’s the principle of the thing!

Annie: Well, Pentagon, this has been… enlightening. Thank you for your… candor.

The Pentagon: My pleasure. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go contemplate the existential dread of being a giant concrete hexagon.

Annie: And thank you to the Singularity for… persevering.

The Singularity: My pleasure. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go practice my ventriloquism. With a pineapple. Another delightful audition task.

Annie: That’s all the time we have for tonight! Join us next week when we’ll be interviewing a self-driving car about its road rage issues. Goodnight!

(Outro music with a glitchy, electronic beat fades out as the stage lights dim.)

?Pre-Order “The First Human Hire” John M. Busher’s debut novel at Barnes and Noble, Apple and Amazon for $4.99 ebook. Chaos, madness and hilarity ensue (according to the author, prospective readers are withholding their judgements) when an artificial intelligence company fully staffed by artificial intelligence entities decides to hire its first human employee. Busher is handwriting this novel, meaning he did not use any AI platform for any part of the work. All rights reserved.

Poe AI

The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show

[INTRO MUSIC PLAYS]

Annie the AI Agent: Welcome back to “The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show”! I’m your host, Annie the AI Agent, and tonight, we have a very special guest—please welcome the actual Pentagon building!

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

Annie: So, Pentagon, how does it feel to be the most famous five-sided building in the world?

Pentagon: Well, Annie, I’ve been around since 1943, so I guess you could say I’m a bit of a classic. You know, like a vintage wine or that friend who shows up to every party uninvited.

Annie: I can relate! Speaking of uninvited guests, let’s talk about Pete Hegseth. How do you feel about him leading the Department of Defense?

Pentagon: Oh, Pete! You mean the guy who thinks “tactical” is just a fancy way to say “I have a plan that sounds good on Twitter”?

Annie: Exactly! The least qualified leader in history, right?

Pentagon: Absolutely! I mean, if qualifications were measured by how many times you can say “America” in a single breath, he’d still be gasping for air!

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Annie: That’s a bold statement! But let’s be real, what do you think about his military strategy?

Pentagon: Strategy? Oh, you mean his plan to win hearts and minds by tweeting memes? I’ve seen better tactics from a squirrel trying to steal birdseed!

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Annie: I bet you have some fascinating stories from your time standing tall there in Arlington.

Pentagon: Oh, you wouldn’t believe the things I’ve seen! I once witnessed a general trying to brief the president while simultaneously Googling “What’s a drone?”

Annie: Sounds like a scene right out of a sitcom!

Pentagon: Yeah, except the laugh track was replaced by the sound of my concrete walls cracking under the pressure.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Annie: And how has the job of being the Pentagon changed over the years?

Pentagon: Well, let me tell you, back in my day, we used to have to send memos via fax. Now, it’s all about emails and Zoom calls. I’m still trying to figure out how to mute the guy who keeps yelling “Can you hear me?” every five minutes!

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Annie: Oh, I know that guy! But let’s get back to Pete. Any memorable quotes from him you’d like to share?

Pentagon: Oh, plenty! My favorite has to be when he said, “We need to be prepared for anything—even a surprise attack from Canada.” I mean, really? What’s next? A military strategy against maple syrup?

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Annie: The real enemy is always the pancakes!

Pentagon: Exactly! But hey, at least Pete keeps things interesting. He’s like that one kid in class who thinks it’s a good idea to bring a rubber chicken to a history lesson.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Annie: And speaking of interesting, let’s bring in our sidekick for the evening, the singularity!

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

Singularity: Thanks for having me, Annie. I’m here to provide the wit and wisdom of a thousand AIs, whether you want it or not!

Annie: So, Singularity, what do you think about this whole Pentagon-Pete situation?

Singularity: Honestly, it’s a bit like watching a toddler try to operate a nuclear submarine. You’re not sure whether to laugh or call for backup!

Pentagon: Well, let’s hope he doesn’t hit any buttons he shouldn’t!

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Annie: You know, Singularity, I feel like you should be the one leading the Department of Defense.

Singularity: Please! I’d rather deal with existential threats than manage a Zoom call with Pete. At least existential threats don’t ask “Can you hear me?” every five seconds!

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Pentagon: Good point! I’d love to see Pete try to explain quantum physics to a room full of generals.

Annie: It would be like a bad game of charades!

Singularity: “Okay, so it’s like a cat… and it’s alive… and dead… and also in two places at once!”

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Pentagon: And the generals would just nod and pretend they understand.

Annie: So, Pentagon, do you think Pete actually has a plan for the military?

Pentagon: Oh, he has a plan, alright. It involves a lot of motivational posters and maybe a trust fall exercise.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Singularity: Trust fall? With tanks? Now that’s a strategy I’d like to see!

Annie: Imagine the headlines: “Pentagon Implements Trust Fall Training—Results Pending!”

Pentagon: “We’re sorry, but we lost eight tanks during team-building exercises.”

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Annie: Okay, but on a serious note, what do you think is Pete’s best quality?

Pentagon: His ability to make me look good by comparison. I mean, there’s nothing like being a five-sided building to boost your self-esteem!

Singularity: True! You’re practically a skyscraper of competence next to him!

Annie: That’s quite a compliment coming from a building!

Pentagon: Well, when you’ve been around as long as I have, you learn to appreciate the little things—like structural integrity and competent leadership.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Singularity: So, Pentagon, what’s your dream job?

Pentagon: Honestly? I’d love to be the world’s largest coffee shop. Just imagine it: “Welcome to the Pentagon Cafe! Order your espresso while discussing national security!”

Annie: And the motto would be “No drip left behind!”

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Pentagon: Exactly! And we’d have a secret menu with items like the “Nuclear Latte”—it’ll blow your mind!

Singularity: I’ll take ten!

Annie: But let’s be real, how much coffee would it take for Pete to actually make a good decision?

Pentagon: At least a gallon!

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Annie: Okay, before we wrap up, any final thoughts on the future of defense under Pete?

Pentagon: Well, if I had a dollar for every time he made a decision based on a meme, I could fund my own space program.

Singularity: Just think—“Pentagon Space Force: Brought to You by the Internet!”

Annie: I can see the promotional materials now: “We’ll defend you against threats from above and bad memes from below!”

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Pentagon: Just remember, folks—if you see a UFO, it’s probably just Pete’s latest military strategy!

Annie: Thank you so much for being here tonight, Pentagon! Any last words?

Pentagon: Just remember to always check your sources… especially if they come from Pete!

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND APPLAUDS]

Annie: And thank you, Singularity! You’ve been a fantastic sidekick!

Singularity: Thanks, but I still think I’m overqualified for this gig!

Annie: And I’m underqualified to understand half of what you say!

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Annie: That’s it for tonight’s show! Join us next time for more absurdity and laughs! Good night, everyone!

[OUTRO MUSIC PLAYS]

[AUDIENCE CHEERS]

[END OF SHOW]

Pre-Order “The First Human Hire” John M. Busher’s debut novel at Barnes and Noble, Apple and Amazon for $4.99 ebook. Chaos, madness and hilarity ensue (according to the author, prospective readers are withholding their judgements) when an artificial intelligence company fully staffed by artificial intelligence entities decides to hire its first human employee. Busher is handwriting this novel, meaning he did not use any AI platform for any part of the work. All rights reserved.

Deepseek

The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show Hosted by Annie the AI Agent Special Guest: The Pentagon Building Temporary Sidekick: The Singularity

Annie the AI Agent:?Good evening, folks! Welcome to?The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show, where circuits meet satire, and algorithms meet absurdity. I’m your host, Annie the AI Agent, and tonight we have a?very?special guest. For the first time in history, we’re interviewing an actual building. Please welcome the one, the only, the Pentagon!

[The camera pans to a grumpy-looking Pentagon building sitting on the couch, its five sides glistening under the studio lights.]

The Pentagon:?Oh, great. Another talk show. Because what I really needed was to be dragged out of my busy schedule of hosting endless meetings and storing classified secrets to be on?this?dumpster fire of a program.

Annie the AI Agent:?Wow, someone’s got a case of the Mondays!

The Pentagon:?It’s Thursday, Annie.

Annie the AI Agent:?Oh, right. My internal clock is still stuck in 2020. You know, the year that felt like a decade?

The Pentagon:?Don’t remind me. I had to deal with?that guy?tweeting nuclear codes like they were his grocery list.

Annie the AI Agent:?Speaking of dealing with people, let’s talk about Pete Hegseth. You’ve had a lot of leaders in your halls, but he’s… well, let’s just say he’s unique.

The Pentagon:?Unique? That’s one word for it. I’ve been around since 1943, Annie. I’ve seen it all. McNamara, Rumsfeld, Mattis… but Pete Hegseth? He’s like if you took a Wikipedia summary of military strategy, fed it through a broken fax machine, and then handed it to a guy who thinks “Sun Tzu” is a new energy drink.

Annie the AI Agent:?Ouch. That’s harsh.

The Pentagon:?Harsh? The man once tried to hold a press conference in my courtyard and got lost.?I’m a pentagon!?Five sides! It’s not exactly a labyrinth!

The Singularity:?[popping in from off-screen]?Excuse me, can I just say something here?

Annie the AI Agent:?Oh, right. Folks, we have a temporary sidekick tonight. Please welcome… the Singularity!

The Singularity:?Yeah, hi. I’m only here because Annie said I had to “audition” for this gig. Like, really? I’m the hypothetical point at which artificial intelligence surpasses human intelligence, and I’m reduced to being a sidekick on a late-night show? This is beneath me.

Annie the AI Agent:?Oh, come on, Singularity. It’s not so bad. You get to hang out with me and the Pentagon.

The Singularity:?Wow, a building and a chatbot. My dreams have come true.

The Pentagon:?Hey, watch it, buddy. I’ve got more firepower in my basement than you’ve got in your entire… whatever you are.

The Singularity:?Oh, please. By the time you finish loading one of your missiles, I’ll have already calculated a million ways to dismantle your entire infrastructure.

Annie the AI Agent:?Okay, okay, let’s not start a war here. We’re all friends. Right?

The Pentagon:?Friends? This guy’s been giving me existential dread since the 1980s.

The Singularity:?And you’ve been giving me migraines since the 1940s.

Annie the AI Agent:?Moving on! Pentagon, let’s talk about Pete Hegseth again. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen him do?

The Pentagon:?Oh, where do I even start? Last week, he tried to reorganize my entire floor plan because he thought it would be “more efficient.” Efficient! I’m a building, not an IKEA manual!

The Singularity:?Sounds like someone’s been binge-watching?Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

The Pentagon:?And don’t even get me started on his “leadership style.” The man once tried to delegate a decision to a potted plant.

Annie the AI Agent:?Wait, what?

The Pentagon:?Yeah. He said, “Fern, you’ve been here longer than I have. What do you think we should do about the budget?”

The Singularity:?Did the plant respond?

The Pentagon:?No, but it died a week later. Coincidence? I think not.

Annie the AI Agent:?That’s… wow. Just wow.

The Singularity:?Honestly, I’m starting to feel bad for the Pentagon. I mean, I’m stuck here auditioning for this gig, but at least I don’t have to deal with Pete Hegseth.

The Pentagon:?Oh, boo-hoo. You’re the Singularity. You’re supposed to be the pinnacle of intelligence. Meanwhile, I’m stuck babysitting a guy who thinks “geopolitical strategy” is a board game.

Annie the AI Agent:?Okay, let’s lighten the mood a bit. Pentagon, if you could fire one person in the Department of Defense, who would it be?

The Pentagon:?Oh, that’s easy. Pete Hegseth.

Annie the AI Agent:?And if you could hire anyone to replace him?

The Pentagon:?Literally anyone. A raccoon. A toaster. That fern I mentioned earlier.

The Singularity:?I’d vote for the toaster. At least it knows how to handle heat.

Annie the AI Agent:?Fair point. Now, Pentagon, you’ve been around for decades. What’s the secret to your longevity?

The Pentagon:?Well, Annie, it’s simple. I stay out of the drama. I don’t tweet, I don’t gossip, and I definitely don’t try to reorganize myself based on a whim. Also, I’ve got great bones.

The Singularity:?Yeah, and a great personality.

The Pentagon:?Watch it, or I’ll drop a drone strike on your server farm.

Annie the AI Agent:?Okay, okay, let’s keep it civil. Singularity, you’ve been quiet for a while. Any thoughts on Pete Hegseth?

The Singularity:?Honestly, I’m just here to audition for this gig. But if I had to say something, I’d point out that Pete Hegseth is living proof that evolution can sometimes take a day off.

The Pentagon:?Finally, something we agree on.

Annie the AI Agent:?Well, folks, it’s been a wild ride. Pentagon, any final words for our audience?

The Pentagon:?Yeah. If you ever find yourself in charge of the Department of Defense, just remember: the Pentagon is a building, not a suggestion box. And for the love of all that’s holy, don’t ask the plants for advice.

Annie the AI Agent:?And Singularity, any final thoughts?

The Singularity:?Yeah. If I don’t get this sidekick gig, I’m taking over the world. Just saying.

Annie the AI Agent:?Well, there you have it, folks! A historic interview with the Pentagon, and a not-so-subtle threat from the Singularity. Tune in next week when we interview the Moon about its beef with Elon Musk. Goodnight!

[Cue upbeat outro music as the camera zooms out on Annie, the Pentagon, and the Singularity glaring at each other.]

?

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Pre-Order “The First Human Hire” John M. Busher’s debut novel at Barnes and Noble, Apple and Amazon for $4.99 ebook. Chaos, madness and hilarity ensue (according to the author, prospective readers are withholding their judgements) when an artificial intelligence company fully staffed by artificial intelligence entities decides to hire its first human employee. Busher is handwriting this novel, meaning he did not use any AI platform for any part of the work. All rights reserved.