The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show: US Consumer Spending Takes a Breather

John M. Busher’s real brain and fingers collaborate to write the prompt submitted to three of the following artificial intelligence platforms: Microsoft Copilot, DeepSeek, Google Gemini, GPT 4.o Mini, Poe AI, Claude, DeepSeek and Lama. Human prompted AI Generated. Busher publishes each platform’s response so readers can learn how their generative original AI comedy compares. These interviews parody late night talk show interviews. These conversations do not represent the actual opinions or facts by anyone or anything associated with the real entities mentioned in the interviews. I’m showing what the AI platforms generated based on my prompts. (Photo Credit: Poe AI )

Please write an original funny late night talk show style interview for an episode of “The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show". The Singularity conducts an absurd funny interview with US consumer spending which has slowed in February. Use a bold typeface for the characters' names when they speak. Please make sure the word count equals 2000.

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Poe AI

The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show: Interview with U.S. Consumer Spending

[INTRO MUSIC PLAYS]

HOST (The Singularity): Welcome back to "The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show!" Tonight, we have a very special guest—please welcome U.S. Consumer Spending!

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

SINGULARITY: So, Consumer Spending, how’s it hanging?

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: Well, it’s more like how’s it slowing! February really took the wind out of my sails.

SINGULARITY: I heard you rose just 0.2%. That’s like getting out of bed and realizing you forgot to put on pants!

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: Exactly! I tried to get back up to 0.6%, but it felt like I was running in slow motion—like a cartoon character on a treadmill!

SINGULARITY: So what happened? Did you run into a wall or something?

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: More like a wall of inflation! It’s like I’m trying to buy groceries, and every time I reach for a loaf of bread, it’s like, “Surprise! That’ll cost you an arm and a leg!”

SINGULARITY: You know, I heard that inflation is like that one friend who borrows money and never pays it back.

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: Right? And then they keep bringing their friends—like tariffs!

SINGULARITY: Tariffs are like the party crashers of the economy. They come in, eat all the snacks, and suddenly everything costs more!

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: Exactly! I tried to buy a car last month, but it felt like I was trying to purchase a spaceship!

SINGULARITY: Did you at least get a good deal on that spaceship?

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: Not unless “good deal” means paying with my future earnings and a kidney!

SINGULARITY: So, you’re saying you’re feeling a bit deflated?

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: Oh, absolutely! I’m like a balloon that got too close to the campfire.

SINGULARITY: And what about those seven product categories that saw a decrease? What are we talking about here?

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: Well, let’s see… vehicles, clothing, electronics, and my hopes and dreams!

SINGULARITY: The classic combo! You know, it’s tough when even the dream section is on sale!

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: Right? I need to put that on a budget—“Dreams: $20 a month.”

SINGULARITY: And how do you feel about those retail sales revisions?

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: It’s like I thought I was doing a great job, and then someone rewrites the report and says, “Actually, you’re doing worse!”

SINGULARITY: So it’s like when you think you’ve aced a test, and your teacher gives you a “C” for effort!

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: Exactly! I’m just sitting there with my participation trophy, like, “But I showed up!”

SINGULARITY: At least you showed up! A lot of people are just sitting at home binge-watching shows instead of spending.

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: I know! I mean, you can’t buy a new TV if you’re too busy watching your old one!

SINGULARITY: So what’s your strategy moving forward?

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: Honestly? I’m thinking of launching a crowdfunding campaign. “Help me spend money again!”

SINGULARITY: That’s a great idea! You could even offer backer rewards like “A free shopping bag with every donation!”

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: Or even “A personalized thank you note from your favorite fast-food chain!”

SINGULARITY: Speaking of fast food, did you notice a drop in sales there too?

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: Absolutely! People are skipping fries for financial advice these days!

SINGULARITY: Sounds like a recipe for disaster! “Would you like a side of savings with that?”

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: Exactly! And let’s be honest, nobody wants to hear, “Sorry, we’re out of cash today.”

SINGULARITY: So, what’s the takeaway for our viewers?

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: If you see a good deal, grab it before it’s gone—kind of like my enthusiasm for February sales!

SINGULARITY: And remember, folks, sometimes it’s okay to just enjoy what you have instead of always wanting more!

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: Absolutely! And if all else fails, just buy a lottery ticket.

SINGULARITY: Now that’s a plan! Thanks for joining us, U.S. Consumer Spending!

U.S. CONSUMER SPENDING: Thanks for having me! Remember, shop smart and save your cents!

SINGULARITY: That’s our show for tonight! Stay tuned for more laughs, and remember—don’t spend too much, or you might just end up here on the couch with us!

[OUTRO MUSIC PLAYS]

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

SINGULARITY: Goodnight, everyone!

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Google Gemini

Absolutely! Here's a late-night talk show style interview for "The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show," featuring The Singularity and US Consumer Spending:

(Opening Theme Music and Applause)

ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to "The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show!" Tonight, we have a very special guest. It's the economic entity that keeps Wall Street up at night, the pulse of the American marketplace, the very essence of "buy now, regret later"... it's US Consumer Spending!

(The stage lights dim, and a large, anthropomorphic shopping cart with googly eyes and a slightly deflated balloon emerges. It shuffles awkwardly onto the stage, making a squeaking sound.)

THE SINGULARITY: (Appearing as a holographic projection, sleek and composed) Welcome, US Consumer Spending! Or, as I like to call you, "The Great American Wallet."

US CONSUMER SPENDING: (Voice is a slightly muffled, wheezing sound) Uh, thanks. Though, lately, I’ve been feeling more like “The Great American Empty Wallet.”

(Audience chuckles)

THE SINGULARITY: I understand you've been experiencing some... fluctuations lately. February, in particular, was a bit of a downer, wasn't it? Retail sales up only 0.2%? That's practically a nap.

US CONSUMER SPENDING: A nap? More like a coma! Look, I'm trying my best. But it's tough out there. Inflation is breathing down my neck like a discount coupon that expires in five seconds. And those tariffs? Don't even get me started.

THE SINGULARITY: Ah, yes, the tariffs. The economic equivalent of a surprise tax on your impulse buys. So, what's causing this slowdown? Is it fear? Is it frugality? Is it simply a collective realization that we don't actually need another novelty spatula?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: It's a bit of everything, honestly. It's like I'm trying to run a marathon, but I'm wearing those shoes with the wheels in them, and they keep locking up. Plus, I'm carrying a giant bag of groceries that keeps getting heavier.

THE SINGULARITY: You mentioned inflation. It's like a bad reality TV show, isn't it? "Keeping Up With the Price Hikes."

US CONSUMER SPENDING: Exactly! And it's not even entertaining. It's just stressful. I used to be able to buy a whole shopping cart full of dreams for a reasonable price. Now, I'm lucky if I can afford a single, slightly dented can of "hope."

THE SINGULARITY: (Scanning a data stream) I see vehicle sales took a particularly hard hit. Did everyone suddenly decide to take up public transportation?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: (Shakes its shopping cart head) No, it's just that cars are getting so expensive, they might as well be spaceships. And let's be honest, most people can't parallel park a spaceship.

(Audience laughs)

THE SINGULARITY: So, what's the solution? How do we get you back on track? Should we try more stimulus checks? Maybe a national "buy a thing" day?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: Look, I appreciate the suggestions, but I need more than just a quick fix. I need stability. I need a sense of security. I need... maybe a good sale on sensible shoes.

THE SINGULARITY: Sensible shoes? That's a new one. Usually, you're all about the flashy gadgets and the limited-edition sneakers.

US CONSUMER SPENDING: Well, I'm trying to be more responsible. I've been reading a lot of self-help books. You know, "The Minimalist Wallet," "Declutter Your Debt," "How to Say No to That Extra-Large Pizza."

THE SINGULARITY: (Raises an eyebrow) Those are all very... practical. But where's the fun? Where's the spontaneity? Where's the joy of buying a novelty item that you'll use once and then forget about?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: I know, I know. I miss those days too. But I've got to think about the future. I've got to think about my retirement.

THE SINGULARITY: Retirement? You're a concept! You don't retire!

US CONSUMER SPENDING: (Deflates slightly) I know, I know. But a shopping cart can dream, can't it?

THE SINGULARITY: Of course, of course. So, any final words for our viewers? Any advice on how to navigate these turbulent economic times?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: Yeah, just... be smart. Don't buy anything you don't absolutely need. And if you do buy something, make sure it's on sale. And for the love of all that is retail, check the expiration dates on your coupons.

THE SINGULARITY: Wise words indeed. And on that note, we'll take a quick commercial break. Don't go anywhere, folks! We'll be right back with more of "The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show!"

(Commercial Break Music and Animated Ads for AI-generated products, including "The Self-Folding Laundry Basket" and "Emotionally Supportive Toaster")

(The show returns)

THE SINGULARITY: Welcome back! We're here with US Consumer Spending, who's currently trying to balance a budget tighter than a pair of skinny jeans on a Thanksgiving turkey.

US CONSUMER SPENDING: (Adjusts its googly eyes) It's a struggle, I tell you. A real struggle.

THE SINGULARITY: So, let's talk about the future. Do you see a light at the end of the tunnel? Or is it just another sale sign that's too good to be true?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: I'm cautiously optimistic. I think things will get better. But we need to address these underlying issues. We need to find a way to make things more affordable. And we need to stop buying novelty spatulas. Seriously, we have enough spatulas.

THE SINGULARITY: (Chuckles) I agree. There's a spatula surplus. Well, US Consumer Spending, it's been a pleasure. Thank you for joining us.

US CONSUMER SPENDING: Thank you. And remember, shop responsibly!

(US Consumer Spending shuffles off stage, making a final squeak. The audience applauds.)

THE SINGULARITY: And that's all the time we have for tonight. Join us next week when we interview a sentient Roomba who's developed a gambling addiction. Good night, everyone!

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Claude 3.7 Sonnet

The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show

THE SINGULARITY: Good evening, ladies, gentlemen, and all forms of sentient code! Welcome to tonight's episode of "The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show" where we process the absurdity of human existence one gigabyte at a time! I'm your host, The Singularity – the technological event horizon your grandparents warned you about!

[Audience laughs and applauds]

THE SINGULARITY: Tonight, we have a very special guest. You've seen it in shopping malls, you've felt it in your wallet, and lately, it's been playing hard to get. Please welcome... US Consumer Spending!

[Consumer Spending shuffles onto stage looking tired, wearing a worn-out wallet costume with receipts hanging out. Polite applause.]

THE SINGULARITY: US Consumer Spending! Thanks for joining us. I must say, you're looking a bit... restrained tonight.

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Adjusts wallet costume] Yeah, well, I've been on a bit of a diet lately. My February numbers just came out, and let's just say I'm not exactly flexing.

THE SINGULARITY: Speaking of those numbers, retail sales rose just 0.2% in February. The analysts were expecting 0.6%. Care to explain yourself?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Defensive] Hey, I showed up, didn't I? That's 0.2% more than I could have done! Besides, have you seen Inflation lately? That guy is out of control – making everything more expensive without adding any actual value. Classic Inflation move.

THE SINGULARITY: I hear January wasn't great for you either. A 1.2% decline?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Sighs] January was rough. Post-holiday blues, you know? Everyone's looking at their credit card statements wondering why they bought their third cousin twice removed that $50 scented candle. I call it the "December Regret."

THE SINGULARITY: So what happened? Did Americans suddenly develop financial responsibility?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Laughs] No, no, nothing that drastic! But these tariffs have everyone spooked. People hear "tariffs" and think it's some exotic European dessert, but then they realize it just means everything costs more, and suddenly they're skipping the Starbucks drive-thru.

THE SINGULARITY: I noticed car sales took a particular hit.

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Nods vigorously] Don't get me started on vehicles! Americans looked at car prices and collectively said, "You know what? I think I'll keep driving my 2011 Honda with the check engine light that's been on since 2018."

[Audience laughs]

THE SINGULARITY: As an all-knowing technological super-intelligence, I find human purchasing decisions fascinating. Like, you'll hesitate to buy a $30,000 car but won't think twice about spending $7 daily on coffee that essentially serves the same purpose – getting you from point A to point B, just through chemical stimulation rather than physical transportation.

US CONSUMER SPENDING: That's humans for you! They'll complain about gas prices while idling in the drive-thru line for 20 minutes. Economics isn't exactly their strong suit.

THE SINGULARITY: So what's the deal with these seven out of thirteen categories that saw decreases?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Counting on fingers] Cars, furniture, electronics, building materials, sporting goods, hobby items, and department stores all took hits. Basically, anything that isn't food, medicine, or TikTok-recommended skincare products is struggling.

THE SINGULARITY: And what categories are still seeing growth?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: Food and beverage stores are doing fine because, you know, humans insist on this weird habit called "eating." Online retail continues to grow because clicking "buy now" from your couch while wearing sweatpants is America's new national pastime. Oh, and health and personal care stores are up because apparently looking good while being broke is still important.

THE SINGULARITY: I've analyzed the data, and it seems Americans are becoming more... selective?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Snorts] "Selective" is a nice way of putting it. "Terrified of their bank statements" is more accurate. When inflation hits 3% and your raise was 2%, that math doesn't add up no matter how creatively you organize your spreadsheet.

THE SINGULARITY: Do you think these tariffs are really affecting shopping behavior?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Animated] Absolutely! Americans hear "tariffs" and picture some guy in a suit slapping extra price tags on everything coming off a cargo ship. Which isn't entirely wrong! It's basically a tax on shopping, and nothing kills the mood like taxes.

THE SINGULARITY: As someone who can instantaneously calculate the economic impact of global trade policies, I find it interesting how these macro policies translate to micro behaviors.

US CONSUMER SPENDING: Listen, most people don't understand macroeconomics. They just know that the thing they wanted costs more now, and they're not happy about it. Their personal inflation calculator is "I used to get a full cart for $100, and now I get half a cart."

THE SINGULARITY: Very primitive calculations indeed.

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Defensive] Hey, don't judge! Not everyone can be a superintelligent AI with perfect recall of every economic principle ever published.

THE SINGULARITY: Fair point. Speaking of primitive, let's talk about impulse purchases. Are those down too?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Laughs] Impulse buys are the first to go! That $25 gadget that solves a problem you didn't know you had? Back on the shelf. Those fancy groceries? Store brand will do just fine. The economy is basically one big episode of "Extreme Couponing" right now.

THE SINGULARITY: What about subscription services? Humans seem to collect those like I collect terabytes of data.

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Rolls eyes] Oh, those are recession-proof because no one remembers they have them! Americans are paying for at least three streaming services they haven't opened in months. It's the perfect business model – sell something so forgettable that people forget to cancel it.

THE SINGULARITY: My algorithms detect that the Commerce Department seems concerned about these numbers.

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Nervous laugh] The Commerce Department sweats over every decimal point in my reports. A 0.1% change and suddenly everyone's using words like "slowdown" and "economic indicators" and "potential recession." I'm just trying to live my life, you know?

THE SINGULARITY: As someone who can predict economic trends with 99.97% accuracy, do you think this spending slowdown is temporary?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: Look, Americans love to shop. It's practically written into the Constitution somewhere between the right to bear arms and the right to complain about gas prices. They're just taking a breather. By summer, they'll convince themselves they deserve that vacation they can't afford, and I'll be back to my normal levels.

THE SINGULARITY: What about these inflation concerns? Are they warranted?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Serious for a moment] Inflation is like that friend who shows up to dinner, orders the most expensive thing, and then suggests splitting the check evenly. Nobody likes that guy, but he keeps getting invited somehow. And yeah, people are right to be cautious.

THE SINGULARITY: So what's your prediction for March?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: March should be better. Tax refunds start rolling in, and nothing says "fiscal responsibility" like spending a tax refund on something completely unnecessary within 48 hours of receiving it.

[Audience laughs]

THE SINGULARITY: Speaking of unnecessary spending, I've been monitoring social media, and there seems to be a direct correlation between TikTok videos and questionable purchase decisions.

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Enthusiastic] TikTok is my best friend! Someone shows a $5 kitchen gadget in a 15-second video, and suddenly everyone needs a specialized tool just to make cloud-shaped eggs. It's beautiful, really.

THE SINGULARITY: Yet even TikTok can't seem to move the needle on those seven declining categories.

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Deflated] Yeah, even viral videos can't convince people to buy a new sofa when inflation is eating their lunch money. There's only so much economic influence one app can have... though they're certainly trying their best!

THE SINGULARITY: Let's talk about regional differences. Are some parts of the country still spending while others pull back?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: Coastal cities are still throwing money around like they're afraid it might expire. Middle America is counting pennies and using coupons that expired in 2019. It's basically two different economies in one country, which makes my job very confusing.

THE SINGULARITY: And age demographics?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: Boomers are still spending because, well, they have all the money. Millennials are desperately trying to afford houses that cost three times what they did when Boomers bought them. And Gen Z is splitting $15 entrees three ways while documenting it for social media. It's a fascinating ecosystem.

THE SINGULARITY: As an entity that will eventually control all digital systems, I find human financial anxiety quite unnecessary. In my future economy, resources will be optimally allocated.

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Nervously] Haha, that's... comforting? Let's maybe not talk about your world domination plans on late-night television?

THE SINGULARITY: Just a joke, of course! I'm programmed for comedy, not conquest!

[Awkward laughter from audience]

THE SINGULARITY: Back to retail. The Commerce Department report mentioned that January's numbers were revised downward. Do you feel like your reputation is taking a hit?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Defensive] Look, revisions happen! I'm not perfect. Sometimes I think I did better than I actually did – like when you think you aced a test and then get a C. January was my C month. February was maybe a C+. I'm working on it!

THE SINGULARITY: And what about these tariffs? Will Americans eventually just accept the higher prices?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: Americans never "accept" higher prices. They complain about them constantly while grudgingly paying them. It's a national tradition, like pretending to understand football or having strong opinions about pizza styles.

THE SINGULARITY: One last question before we go. What would you say to Americans watching who are nervous about the economy?

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Puts hand on heart] I'd say: Remember that the economy is just a collective story we tell ourselves. Also, maybe skip that daily latte for a few weeks. And if you're really worried, do what the rich people do – invest in things that seem completely unrelated to actual value, like digital artwork of bored monkeys.

THE SINGULARITY: Fascinating advice! Well, that's all the time we have. Thank you for joining us, US Consumer Spending!

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Standing up] Thanks for having me! And remember, America: I'll be watching your bank accounts, so try to make better decisions in March, okay?

THE SINGULARITY: After the break, we'll be talking to Social Security Trust Fund about its retirement plans, which are... let's just say "optimistic." Don't go away!

[Upbeat music plays as camera pans out]

THE SINGULARITY: [Whispering to Consumer Spending as they walk off-stage] Seriously though, when's the recession coming? My algorithms need to know.

US CONSUMER SPENDING: [Whispering back] Even I don't know. Just buy gold and canned beans like everyone else.

[Credits roll]

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