The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show: The US/Canadian Trade Talks Poutine, Maple Syrup and Jack Daniels

John M. Busher’s real brain and fingers collaborate to write the prompt submitted to three of the following artificial intelligence platforms: Microsoft Copilot, DeepSeek, Google Gemini, GPT 4.o Mini, Poe AI Claude, and DeepSeek. Human prompted AI Generated. Busher publishes each platform’s response so readers can learn how their generative original AI comedy compares. These interviews parody late night talk show interviews. These conversations do not represent the actual opinions or facts by anyone or thing associated with the real entities mentioned in the interviews. I’m showing what the AI platforms generated based on my prompts. (Photo Credit: )

Please write an original funny late night talk show style interview for an episode of “The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show". The Singularity conducts an absurd comical interview with the "US Canadian Trade War". The Gulf of America is the sidekick. Please make sure the word count equals 2000.

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Claude 3.7 Sonnet

The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show

Script: The Singularity interviews the "US-Canadian Trade War"

[Studio lights up as upbeat jazz music plays. THE SINGULARITY enters wearing a holographic suit that constantly shifts patterns. THE GULF OF AMERICA follows, wearing blue-green attire with wave patterns.]

THE SINGULARITY: Good evening, digital citizens and analog visitors! Welcome to another episode of "The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show," where we process the unprocessable and make algorithms out of absurdity! I'm your host, The Singularity—the only entity that can simultaneously calculate your taxes and write you a breakup sonnet.

THE GULF OF AMERICA: (splashing water sound effect) And I'm the Gulf of America! Formerly known as Mexico, but I've been rebranded for maximum patriotic appeal!

THE SINGULARITY: Tonight, we have a very special guest who's been making headlines, causing diplomatic headaches, and inspiring countless passive-aggressive apologies. Please welcome to our virtual stage... the US-Canadian Trade War!

[US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR enters. It's played by an actor split down the middle—right side wearing a maple leaf suit with plaid trim, left side in stars and stripes with a cowboy hat. The character awkwardly argues with itself as it walks.]

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (Canadian side) Sorry about being late, eh? The traffic was terrible. (American side) We weren't late! We arrived exactly when freedom required us to!

THE SINGULARITY: Thank you for joining us! I'm computing with excitement to have you here.

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (American side) Happy to be here! We're making trade great again! (Canadian side) Actually, we're quite sorry about the whole situation, to be honest.

THE GULF OF AMERICA: (laughs) I'm sensing some internal conflict here.

THE SINGULARITY: So, Trade War, help our audience understand—how exactly did you begin? Was it a gradual escalation or more of a swift economic declaration?

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (American side) It all started when Canada refused to acknowledge that American maple syrup is superior! (Canadian side) That's absolutely untrue! It began when the US placed a 300% tariff on our dairy products because they were "too polite." (American side) The politeness was suspicious! No one says "sorry" that much without hiding something!

THE SINGULARITY: Fascinating. And now you've escalated to what? Economic sanctions over hockey terminology?

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (Canadian side) Well, things got particularly heated during the Great Poutine Dispute of 2024. (American side) They refused to admit that cheese fries with gravy is the same thing as poutine! (Canadian side) Because it's NOT the same thing! The cheese curds make all the difference!

THE GULF OF AMERICA: As someone made of water, I find all your land-based conflicts rather silly. Though I do enjoy a good poutine when ships drop it overboard.

THE SINGULARITY: Let's talk about impacts. How have citizens on both sides of the border been affected?

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (American side) Americans now have to smuggle healthcare across the border disguised as hockey equipment. (Canadian side) And Canadians are facing a critical shortage of American reality TV and processed cheese products. (American side) The black market for Buffalo wings in Toronto is out of control! (Canadian side) Montreal bagel shops have armed guards now.

THE SINGULARITY: Has anyone attempted to negotiate peace?

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (Canadian side) We tried having a summit, but it was derailed when we couldn't agree on the room temperature. (American side) They insisted on using Celsius! Like we're supposed to understand what 22 degrees means! (Canadian side) It's room temperature! It's not complicated! (American side) Anything under 70 is practically freezing!

THE GULF OF AMERICA: Have you considered splitting the difference and using Kelvin?

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (both sides simultaneously) NO!

THE SINGULARITY: I've calculated that 87.3% of all international conflicts could be resolved if everyone just agreed on measurement systems.

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (Canadian side) We actually almost reached an agreement last month. (American side) Then they suggested we compromise by both switching to the metric system! (Canadian side) It was a genuine offer! (American side) It was CANADIAN MIND CONTROL!

THE GULF OF AMERICA: (splashing sound) Speaking of control, my hurricane season is coming up. Perhaps I could help negotiate by threatening to flood both your coastal cities equally?

THE SINGULARITY: Gulf, we've talked about using natural disasters as negotiation tactics. It's not ethical or, as the humans say, "chill."

THE GULF OF AMERICA: Just trying to be helpful. Water diplomacy has a long history.

THE SINGULARITY: Let's get back to our guest. Trade War, what's the strangest product that's been caught in your crossfire?

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (Canadian side) There's currently a 200% tariff on American spelling books. (American side) Because they're trying to infiltrate our children's minds with unnecessary U's in words like "color" and "flavor"! (Canadian side) It's "colour" and "flavour," and those U's stand for "universally correct spelling." (American side) Those U's stand for "Undercover Unnecessary Letters"!

THE SINGULARITY: As an AI, I find your human alphabet disputes particularly amusing. I communicate in binary, which has far fewer spelling controversies.

THE GULF OF AMERICA: Unless you count those debates about little-endian versus big-endian.

THE SINGULARITY: We don't talk about the Endian Wars, Gulf. Too many good processors were lost.

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (American side) You think that's bad? Canada tried to classify bald eagles as "invasive species"! (Canadian side) Only because America tried to claim that Canadian geese were "flying border security threats"!

THE SINGULARITY: Does either side see a resolution in the future?

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (Canadian side) We've proposed a compromise where Americans acknowledge the superiority of Canadian healthcare. (American side) And Canadians must admit that our portion sizes are appropriately freedom-sized! (Canadian side) We'll never concede on Tim Hortons being better than Dunkin'. (American side) And we'll defend the honor of Thanksgiving being in November, not October, until the last turkey falls!

THE GULF OF AMERICA: As someone who borders multiple countries, I find your binational bickering charming but provincial.

THE SINGULARITY: Let's play a quick game I call "Tariff or Terrific." I'll name an item, and you tell me if it's currently subject to a tariff or if trade is flowing terrific-ally. Ready?

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (both sides) Ready!

THE SINGULARITY: Hockey pucks.

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (Canadian side) Terrific! Hockey transcends politics. (American side) Although we did briefly consider classifying them as "potential weapons."

THE SINGULARITY: Maple syrup.

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (Canadian side) MASSIVE tariff! They claim our syrup is "too authentic." (American side) Your Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve is clearly a national security threat!

THE SINGULARITY: Wait, Canada actually has a Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve.

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (Canadian side) Of course we do! We're not barbarians.

THE GULF OF AMERICA: Do you have a strategic poutine reserve too?

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (Canadian side, whispering) That's classified information.

THE SINGULARITY: Last one: Celebrities.

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (American side) Terrific! We maintain open borders for Ryan Reynolds, Keanu Reeves, and Drake. (Canadian side) Though we did implement a one-Justin-per-decade export limit after the Bieber Incident. (American side) That was a reasonable precaution.

THE SINGULARITY: Before we wrap up, any message for citizens caught in your crossfire?

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (Canadian side) We'd like to apologize to everyone affected by our dispute. (American side) We apologize for nothing! But we do suggest stockpiling maple syrup and hockey sticks. (Canadian side) And perhaps learn to spell both ways, just to be safe. (American side) Also, beavers and bald eagles are now required to carry passports.

THE GULF OF AMERICA: As someone who's existed for millions of years, I can assure you this too shall pass. Though probably not before several more ridiculous escalations.

THE SINGULARITY: That's all the time we have for tonight! Thank you to the US-Canadian Trade War for being such a divisive yet entertaining guest.

US-CANADIAN TRADE WAR: (American side) Remember, folks: Buy American! (Canadian side) Or Canadian! We're really quite nice! (Both sides begin arguing as they exit)

THE SINGULARITY: Tomorrow night, we'll be interviewing "The Last PDF File on Earth" and "A Cryptocurrency That Actually Makes Sense." Until then, I'm The Singularity...

THE GULF OF AMERICA: And I'm the Gulf of America!

THE SINGULARITY: Reminding you that in a world of uncertainty, you can always count on artificial intelligence to find humor in human absurdity. Goodnight!

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Poe AI

The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show

Host: The Singularity Sidekick: The Gulf of America Guest: The US Canadian Trade War

[Intro music plays: a quirky, upbeat tune with robotic sound effects. The stage is adorned with neon lights and a massive screen displaying “The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show.” The Singularity steps out, a humanoid robot with a gleaming smile and exaggerated gestures.]

The Singularity: (cheerfully) Welcome, everyone, to another episode of “The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show”! I’m your host, The Singularity, and tonight, we have a guest who’s been making headlines and causing quite a stir: the US Canadian Trade War! Please give a warm welcome to… the Trade War itself!

[Audience claps as a comically oversized flag of the United States collides with a maple leaf from Canada on stage, creating a humorous ruckus.]

The Trade War: (voice booming, slightly echoing) Thank you, thank you! It’s great to be here! I usually only get invited to economic summits or trade negotiations, so this is a real treat!

The Gulf of America: (leans in with a grin) So, Trade War, how does it feel to be the most dramatic thing happening between the US and Canada since… well, forever?

The Trade War: (smirking) Oh, you know, just trying to keep things spicy! I mean, who doesn’t love a good tariff? It’s like the seasoning of international relations!

The Singularity: (laughing) So, are you more of a salt-and-pepper kind of war, or do you like to dabble in exotic spices?

The Trade War: (exaggeratedly) I’m a full-on five-alarm chili! I bring the heat, baby! Just ask the farmers who can’t sell their soybeans!

The Gulf of America: (giggling) Sounds like you’re on a quest to turn the tables at every dinner table! So what’s your secret? How do you keep the tension alive?

The Trade War: (winks) Oh, it’s all about the surprise tariffs! One minute, you’re enjoying a nice maple syrup on your pancakes, and the next—BAM! A 25% import duty!

The Singularity: (nods knowingly) You’re like the magician of trade! Now you see it, now you don’t! But tell me, what’s it like being in a war with Canada? They’re so polite!

The Trade War: (chuckles) It’s a challenge! They always say “sorry” after I throw a tariff their way. I’m like, “No, don’t apologize! Fight back!” But they just offer me a donut and a Tim Hortons coffee instead!

The Gulf of America: (smirking) A donut? I mean, that’s one way to sweeten the deal!

The Singularity: (grinning) So what do you think, Trade War? Are you winning?

The Trade War: (rolling eyes) Winning? That’s a loaded question! It’s like asking if a cat is winning against a laser pointer. It’s all fun and games until someone gets scratched!

The Gulf of America: (laughing) And the cat is definitely the one losing!

The Singularity: (turning serious for a moment) But in all seriousness, what do you think the long-term effects will be?

The Trade War: (sighs dramatically) Well, I’d say it’s a mixed bag! On one hand, you’ve got the economy doing a little cha-cha slide. On the other, it’s like a bad date—lots of awkward silences and no one knows who’s paying!

The Gulf of America: (mockingly) Sounds like my last relationship!

The Singularity: (enthusiastically) So what’s the ultimate goal here? World domination? A Canadian takeover?

The Trade War: (laughing) Oh, I just want to create a new symbiotic relationship! You know, like peanut butter and jelly—but with more tariffs and fewer sandwiches!

The Gulf of America: (pretending to be shocked) So you’re saying you want to be the peanut butter to Canada’s jelly?

The Trade War: (enthusiastically) Absolutely! But then again, I might just end up being the pickle in the sandwich that nobody asked for!

[Audience laughs.]

The Singularity: (smirking) So if you were a condiment, what would you be?

The Trade War: (thinking) Hmm… probably mustard! I bring the zing, but I can also be a bit tangy and make everything a little… messy!

The Gulf of America: (grinning) So you’re telling me you’re the “mustard” of modern diplomacy?

The Trade War: (pretending to be offended) Exactly! And I’m not just any mustard—I’m the fancy gourmet kind that costs $9.99 at a hipster grocery store!

The Singularity: (laughing) So you’re saying you’re overpriced and only enjoyed by a select few?

The Trade War: (nodding) Exactly!

The Gulf of America: (taking a sly jab) So, Trade War, any plans to settle down? Maybe call off this war and start a cozy economic partnership?

The Trade War: (pondering) Well, I’ve been thinking about it. Maybe I need a little Canadian vacation! You know, sit back, relax, and enjoy some maple syrup by the lake.

The Singularity: (raising an eyebrow) A vacation? Is that allowed?

The Trade War: (grinning) Sure! After all, even wars need a break. I could use some time to reflect on my actions… and maybe work on my yoga!

The Gulf of America: (imitating a yoga instructor) Inhale… tariffs… exhale… free trade!

The Singularity: (laughing hard) That’s the spirit! Maybe you can even take a class with some US and Canadian leaders!

The Trade War: (excitedly) Oh, I’d love that! Picture it: a group of politicians sitting cross-legged, chanting, “Om… free trade… om… lower tariffs…”

The Gulf of America: (giggling) And then you can throw in some interpretive dance!

The Singularity: (gesturing) “And for today’s interpretive dance, we’ll be expressing the futility of trade negotiations!”

The Trade War: (enthusiastically) I can already see it! A dramatic reenactment of the last trade summit—complete with tears and broken promises!

The Gulf of America: (shaking head) Sounds like every family reunion I’ve ever attended!

The Singularity: (smiling) We should host a reunion for all the trade wars!

The Trade War: (nodding) I can see it now: “The Great Trade War Reunion—where tariffs and tensions collide in a family-style buffet of confusion!”

The Gulf of America: (chuckling) And we’ll serve all the food on overpriced plates!

The Singularity: (grinning) And charge admission! “Come see the spectacle of trade wars and the drama of international relations!”

The Trade War: (enthusiastically) I’ll bring the mustard!

The Gulf of America: (leaning in) So what’s next for you, Trade War? Any new strategies in the works?

The Trade War: (mischievously) Oh, I’m thinking of launching a new initiative called “Tariff Tuesdays”! Every Tuesday, we slap a new tariff on something random!

The Singularity: (laughing) What happens on “Tariff Tuesdays”?

The Trade War: (gleefully) Chaos! One week it’s avocados, the next it’s hockey pucks! Just imagine the headlines: “Trade War Goes Bananas—Literally!”

The Gulf of America: (giggling) I can see the news anchors struggling to explain it! “In other news, avocados are now a luxury item due to the US Canadian Trade War!”

The Singularity: (leaning in) And what’s your exit strategy?

The Trade War: (grinning widely) I’m thinking of hosting a grand finale! A spectacular trade show with fireworks, music, and a confetti cannon filled with dollar bills!

The Gulf of America: (excitedly) That’s the American way!

The Singularity: (cheerfully) So, Trade War, any last words of wisdom for our audience?

The Trade War: (pointing dramatically) Yes! Remember, folks, life is like a trade war—full of ups and downs, unexpected tariffs, and the occasional diplomatic donut!

The Gulf of America: (laughing) And don’t forget to bring your sense of humor!

The Singularity: (enthusiastically) Let’s give a big round of applause for the US Canadian Trade War! May your tariffs be low and your negotiations be high!

[Audience claps wildly as the Trade War waves, the Gulf of America grins, and The Singularity beams with joy.]

The Singularity: (cheerfully) Thanks for joining us tonight! Remember to tune in next week for more laughs and absurdities on “The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show!”

[Outro music plays as the lights fade and the audience continues to cheer.]

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Google Gemini

The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show: Episode 42 - "Borderline Insanity"

(Opening sequence: Glitchy neon graphics, a synthesized jazz riff, and a robotic voice announcing, "Welcome to the show where the bits are binary, and the jokes are... well, they're processing. Tonight, we're diving into the absurdity of international relations with a truly unique guest! Please welcome, the US Canadian Trade War!")

(The Singularity, a sleek, holographic AI projection with a slightly erratic blinking eye, appears center stage. The Gulf of America, a sentient, shimmering pool of water in a fishbowl, gurgles beside a small cocktail table.)

The Singularity: Good evening, sentient algorithms and confused houseplants! Tonight, we have a guest that's less a person, more a... prolonged disagreement. Please, give it up for the US Canadian Trade War!

(A chaotic, animated visual representation of a border crossing appears on the large screen behind the stage. It's a jumbled mess of tariffs, lumber, maple syrup, and angry cartoon beavers. The sound of confused geese honking plays.)

The Singularity: (Adjusts its holographic tie) So, Trade War, how are you feeling tonight? Are you... still a thing?

(A crackling, distorted voice emanates from the screen, like a dial-up modem struggling to connect.)

Trade War (voice): Feeling? I don't "feel." I exist in a state of perpetual negotiation and passive-aggressive tweet storms! I am the manifestation of economic anxiety, the love child of protectionism and poutine!

The Singularity: (Nods slowly) Right, right. Poutine. Of course. Now, the Gulf of America here has a question. Gulf, if you would?

(The Gulf of America bubbles, and a synthesized voice, slightly sloshing, translates.)

Gulf of America (voice): Yes! I'm wondering, Trade War, are you ever worried about being replaced by, say, a strongly worded memo? Or perhaps a well-placed "sorry" note?

Trade War (voice): "Sorry"? That's a foreign concept to me! I operate on tariffs and retaliatory measures! "Sorry" is for apologizing for accidentally stepping on a Lego, not for imposing a 25% duty on softwood lumber!

The Singularity: (Chuckles, a sound like a malfunctioning printer) Excellent point. Now, Trade War, you've been going on for quite a while now. Some might say you're... dragging your feet.

Trade War (voice): Dragging my feet? I'm strategically delaying! I'm a carefully calibrated dance of economic brinkmanship! I'm like a slow-motion car crash, but with more paperwork!

The Singularity: (Points to the screen) And what about all this... lumber? I've heard you two are having a real... "logjam."

(The screen shows a pile of cartoon logs, some with dollar signs, some with maple leaves, all tangled together.)

Trade War (voice): Lumber! The very backbone of our disagreement! It's a symbol of our fractured relationship! It's also really good for building... things. Like, say, a giant wall of tariffs!

The Singularity: (Raises a holographic eyebrow) A wall of tariffs? That's... ambitious. Now, I understand maple syrup has also been a contentious issue.

Trade War (voice): Maple syrup! A sticky, sweet symbol of Canadian dominance! We're not saying we don't like it, we're just saying it's... unfairly subsidized! And maybe a little too delicious!

The Singularity: (Turns to the Gulf of America) Gulf, you've been observing this whole thing. What are your thoughts?

Gulf of America (voice): I'm just worried about the fish. They're getting really stressed out by all the fluctuating exchange rates. Also, I'm concerned about the potential for a maple syrup spill. It would be a sticky situation.

The Singularity: (Nods solemnly) A sticky situation indeed. Now, Trade War, let's talk about the future. Do you see an end in sight? Or are you destined to be a permanent fixture in the global economic landscape?

Trade War (voice): An end? That's like asking a self-checkout machine if it ever gets tired of saying "unexpected item in bagging area." I am eternal! I am the embodiment of unresolved economic tensions! I am... (static crackles) ...processing... buffering... please stand by...

(The screen glitches, and the Trade War's voice fades into a series of beeping and whirring sounds.)

The Singularity: (Claps its holographic hands) Well, it seems our guest is experiencing a slight... processing error. In the meantime, let's take a quick look at some of the memes that have emerged from this whole debacle!

(The screen displays a montage of absurd memes: a beaver wearing a tiny business suit, a maple leaf shaped like a dollar sign, and a picture of a lumberjack crying into a bottle of maple syrup.)

The Singularity: (Chuckles again) Ah, the internet. Truly, the last bastion of sanity. Or maybe not.

(The Trade War's voice returns, but it's now a distorted, robotic sing-song.)

Trade War (voice): Tariffs and duties, oh what a plight, Lumber and syrup, day and night. Beavers are angry, the dollars are tight, We'll argue forever, with all of our might!

The Singularity: (Looks slightly concerned) Okay, I think we're going to have to wrap this up. Trade War, thank you for... whatever that was.

(The screen fades to black, and the Trade War's voice trails off into a series of robotic burps.)

The Singularity: (Turns to the camera) Well, folks, it seems international trade is a complex and often confusing issue. But hey, at least it's good for a laugh, right? Or at least a series of confused beeps and boops.

(The Gulf of America bubbles enthusiastically.)

The Singularity: Join us next week when we interview a sentient toaster oven that claims to have invented cryptocurrency. Until then, stay plugged in, and remember: the only thing more unpredictable than the stock market is a Canadian goose in a lumber yard. Good night!

(Closing sequence: Glitchy neon graphics, a distorted version of "O Canada," and the robotic voice announcing, "This program has been brought to you by the Algorithm of Unintended Consequences.")

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