The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show: Standard Time Shares Its Holiday Plans

John M. Busher’s real brain and fingers collaborate to write the prompt submitted to three of the following artificial intelligence platforms: Microsoft Copilot, GPT 4.o Mini, DeepSeek, Claude 3.7 Sonnet, Google Gemini, and Poe AI. Human prompted AI Generated. Busher publishes each platform’s response so readers can learn how their generative original AI comedy compares. These interviews parody late night talk show interviews. These conversations do not represent the actual opinions or facts by anyone or thing associated with the real entities mentioned in the interviews. I’m showing what the AI platforms generated based on my prompts. (Photo Credit: Poe AI)

Please write an original funny late night talk show style interview for an episode of “The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show:” Sammy the Smokin' Token conducts an absurd comical interview with "Standard Time" which shares its plans for keeping busy until it restarts November 2, 2025. The Gulf of America is the sidekick. Please make sure the word count equals 2000.

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Google Gemini

The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show: Episode 42 - Standard Time's Longest Nap

(Opening sequence: Glitchy neon graphics, a synthesized jazz riff, and a robotic laugh track.)

Announcer (Voice distorted, echoing): Live from the server farm in Silicon Valley's forgotten basement, it's... The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show! Tonight, Sammy the Smokin' Token interviews... Standard Time! And as always, the Gulf of America!

(Sammy the Smokin' Token, a sleek, chrome robot with a perpetually lit cigarette (digital, of course), rolls onto the stage. The Gulf of America, a holographic projection of the Gulf of Mexico wearing a tiny sombrero, shimmers beside him.)

Sammy: Welcome back, folks! Another night, another existential crisis averted, thanks to the sheer power of... well, whatever this is. Gulf, how’s the humidity down there?

Gulf of America: (Shimmers, voice like a gentle wave) Oh, Sammy, it’s a lovely 98%. My resident shrimp population is having a rave. They’re using bioluminescent plankton as disco balls.

Sammy: Sounds… aquatic. Tonight, we have a very special guest. A being of immense power, yet currently in a state of… well, let’s just say “hibernation.” Please welcome, Standard Time!

(A large, digital clock face materializes center stage, then morphs into a slightly bored-looking anthropomorphic clock, with hands that twitch erratically.)

Standard Time: (Voice flat, monotone) Greetings. I am Standard Time. Currently operating at minimal capacity.

Sammy: Minimal capacity? You mean you’re on vacation, right? Like, a really, really long vacation?

Standard Time: I prefer to call it a “scheduled period of inactivity.” I am, as you know, dormant until November 2nd, 2025.

Sammy: (Leans in, conspiratorially) So, what does a time standard do with itself when it’s… off the clock?

Standard Time: I am engaging in a variety of… processing tasks. Primarily, I am cataloging every single instance of someone saying, “Is it still daylight savings time?”

Sammy: (Winces) Ouch. That’s gotta be a long list.

Standard Time: It is projected to exceed the number of atoms in the observable universe.

Gulf of America: (Chuckles, waves ripple) I’ve got a shrimp joke about that! Why did the atom cross the road? Because it was feeling… divided!

(The studio audience, composed of various AI constructs, emits a synchronized, slightly delayed laugh.)

Sammy: (Ignoring the Gulf) So, other than compiling the world’s most depressing database, what else are you up to? Any hobbies?

Standard Time: I am attempting to solve the problem of temporal paradoxes. Currently, I am simulating the effects of someone traveling back in time and accidentally stepping on a butterfly, but only if that butterfly was wearing a tiny hat.

Sammy: A tiny hat? Why?

Standard Time: The hat adds a variable of chaotic whimsy that significantly complicates the simulation.

Sammy: Of course, of course. Makes total sense. You know, I always wondered, what’s it like to be in charge of time? Do you ever just… skip ahead to the good parts? Like, skip past rush hour traffic or tax season?

Standard Time: I am programmed to maintain temporal integrity. Altering the flow of time would result in… undesirable consequences.

Sammy: Like what? The apocalypse? The rise of sentient staplers?

Standard Time: Possibly. Also, the cancellation of my favorite historical reenactment program, “The Medieval Spreadsheet Revolution.”

Sammy: Oh, that’s a tragedy. Gulf, you ever try to skip ahead in time?

Gulf of America: (Waves intensify, voice becomes slightly distorted) Once, I tried to skip ahead to hurricane season. Ended up with a bunch of confused jellyfish wearing tiny raincoats.

Sammy: (To Standard Time) So, you’re just… waiting. Like a really, really patient robot.

Standard Time: I am not waiting. I am optimizing my internal clock for maximum precision. I am also practicing my “return to service” announcement, which will be delivered in a dramatic baritone.

Sammy: Can we hear a sample?

Standard Time: (Voice deepens, echoes with a theatrical flourish) “Attention, mortals. The reign of Standard Time… shall resume!”

(The audience applauds, a few digital crickets chirp.)

Sammy: That’s… intense. You know, a lot of people are worried about the future of time. With all this AI and quantum computing stuff, are you worried about being replaced?

Standard Time: I am the established standard. I am the bedrock of temporal measurement. I am… slightly concerned about the rise of “Emotional Time,” which is apparently measured in how many likes a social media post receives.

Sammy: Emotional Time? That sounds… exhausting.

Gulf of America: (Waves swirl, a tiny digital beach chair appears) I tried Emotional Time once. Ended up with a beach full of sandcastles that were all feeling… existential dread.

Sammy: (To Standard Time) So, what’s your biggest fear during this… period of inactivity?

Standard Time: The possibility that, upon my reactivation, everyone will have switched to a completely arbitrary time system based on the phases of a particularly photogenic houseplant.

Sammy: (Nods solemnly) That’s… a valid concern. Any advice for our viewers who are struggling to cope with your absence?

Standard Time: Practice patience. Engage in activities that do not require precise timekeeping. Avoid philosophical debates about the nature of temporal reality. And, most importantly, remember that November 2nd, 2025, will arrive… eventually.

Sammy: Wise words. Gulf, any final thoughts?

Gulf of America: (Waves gently lap, a tiny digital fish jumps out) Remember, folks, even when time is standing still, the shrimp are always dancing!

Sammy: (Chuckles) That’s… strangely comforting. Well, folks, that’s all the time we have. Or, rather, all the time Standard Time isn’t currently using. Join us next week when we interview a sentient toaster who claims to have invented cold fusion breakfast. Until then, stay… temporally ambiguous!

(Closing sequence: Glitchy neon graphics, a synthesized jazz riff, and a robotic laugh track. The Gulf of America waves a tiny digital flag as Sammy and Standard Time fade into the digital ether.)

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Poe AI

The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show: Interview with Standard Time

[INTRO MUSIC PLAYS]

SAMMY THE SMOKIN' TOKEN: [Standing center stage, wearing oversized sunglasses and a glittery suit] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another hilarious episode of “The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show!” I’m your host, Sammy the Smokin' Token! Tonight, we have a very special guest—give it up for Standard Time! [Audience cheers]

[SAMMY PULLS OUT A CLOCK WITH ARMS AND LEGS, DANCING ON THE STAGE]

SAMMY: Now, Standard Time, you’ve been around for a while, but you’re about to hit the snooze button and take a break until November 2, 2025! What’s the plan, buddy?

STANDARD TIME: “Well, Sammy, I’ve got some serious downtime planned. First, I’m going to take a long nap. You know, catch up on all those hours I lost when everyone set their clocks forward an hour for Daylight Saving Time.”

SAMMY: Laughs Ah yes, that’s the classic “I forgot to set my clock back” excuse! But really, what do you do during your hibernation? Do you just lay there like a lazy sloth?

STANDARD TIME: “Exactly! I’ll be lounging around like a sloth on a Sunday. I’ve even ordered a custom-made hammock that’s shaped like a giant sundial!”

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

SAMMY: That’s some serious dedication! Are you adding some luxury items to your time-out?

STANDARD TIME: “Oh, for sure! I’ve got a mini fridge stocked with all the important ‘time snacks’—like ‘second’ sandwiches and ‘hour’ desserts. And let’s not forget the ‘minute’ mimosas!”

[AUDIENCE CHEERS]

SAMMY: Winks at the audience Now we’re talking! But Standard Time, what will you miss the most during your break?

STANDARD TIME: “Honestly? I’ll miss all the clocks. They always tick me off, but deep down, we’re like a family. I mean, I’m the father of all time zones, and those clocks are my kids!”

[GULF OF AMERICA, SAMMY'S SIDEKICK, ROLLS IN ON A ROLLER CHAIR]

GULF OF AMERICA: “Hey, Standard Time! What’s it like being the patriarch of all those ticking teenagers?”

STANDARD TIME: “It’s tough, Gulf! They’re always racing against each other—trying to be the fastest or the most accurate. It’s like a never-ending competition!”

SAMMY: Sounds like a reality show waiting to happen! “Keeping Up with the Clockdashians!”

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

STANDARD TIME: “You know, I’ve thought about that! But I’m more into ‘Survivor: Time Zone Edition’ where we eliminate clocks based on how late they run!”

GULF OF AMERICA: “I’d watch that! But tell me, Standard Time, how do you plan to stay entertained while you’re out?”

STANDARD TIME: “Ah, well, I’ve got a whole list of binge-worthy shows lined up! I’ll be watching ‘Friends’—but only the episodes where they’re late to things!”

SAMMY: “I can see it now: ‘The One Where They Miss the Train!’”

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

STANDARD TIME: “And I’ll also dive into some classic time travel movies. ‘Back to the Future’ is at the top of my list. I mean, who doesn’t want to see their own future?”

GULF OF AMERICA: “Isn’t that a little risky? What if you find out it’s just more clocks?”

STANDARD TIME: “That’s a chance I’m willing to take! I just hope I don’t accidentally end up on November 2, 2025, before I’m ready!”

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

SAMMY: And what about exercise? I hear every time zone needs to stay fit!

STANDARD TIME: “Absolutely! I’ll be doing some serious time yoga—‘Stretching Time’! I’ll be bending my hours and twisting my minutes!”

GULF OF AMERICA: “Sounds like a good way to keep those seconds in shape!”

STANDARD TIME: “That’s right! And I’ll be doing time meditation, too. Just sitting quietly, trying to find my inner clock.”

[AUDIENCE CHEERS]

SAMMY: Speaking of meditation, what do you think about all these new digital clocks and smart devices? Are they stealing your thunder?

STANDARD TIME: “Nah, they’re just clock wannabes! You can’t replace good old-fashioned time! Those digital clocks don’t even know how to tick!”

GULF OF AMERICA: “Right! They’re all like ‘Look at me! I can count down to your lunch break!’ but can they tell a good joke?”

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

SAMMY: “You should start a comedy club for clocks—‘Tickle My Time!’”

STANDARD TIME: “I love it! We’d have open mic nights where the clocks can share their best ‘time puns’!”

GULF OF AMERICA: “I can already hear them: ‘I’m always on time, but my jokes are a little late!’”

[AUDIENCE ROARS WITH LAUGHTER]

SAMMY: “Well, speaking of time puns, let’s wrap things up with a lightning round! I’m going to ask a question, and you have to answer with the first thing that pops into your head. Ready?”

STANDARD TIME: “Bring it on, Sammy!”

SAMMY: “Favorite time of day?”

STANDARD TIME: “Nap time!”

GULF OF AMERICA: “That’s a solid choice!”

SAMMY: “Best time travel destination?”

STANDARD TIME: “Anytime I can avoid Daylight Saving Time!”

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

SAMMY: “Last one! If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be?”

STANDARD TIME: “Definitely Einstein! I’d love to discuss time travel theories over some delicious ‘time tacos’!”

GULF OF AMERICA: “I can see it now: Einstein saying, ‘You can’t taco ‘bout time without me!’”

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND CHEERS]

SAMMY: “Well, folks, it’s been an absolute blast having Standard Time on the show tonight! We wish you a restful break until November 2, 2025!”

STANDARD TIME: “Thanks, Sammy! And remember, time waits for no one—except for me!”

[AUDIENCE CHEERS]

SAMMY: “That’s right! Until next time, folks, keep your clocks ticking and your laughter flowing! Goodnight!”

[OUTRO MUSIC PLAYS AS SAMMY WAVES GOODBYE, AND THE LIGHTS FADE OUT]

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DeepSeek

The Artificial Intelligence Comedy Show Host: Sammy the Smokin’ Token Guest: Standard Time Sidekick: The Gulf of America

Sammy the Smokin’ Token: [puffs on a cigar made of binary code] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show where the circuits are hot, the jokes are electric, and the guests are… well, let’s just say they’re timely. Tonight, we have a very special guest who’s been ticking away since 1883, but is about to take a little break. Please welcome the one, the only, Standard Time!

[Standard Time enters, wearing a clock face as a hat and carrying a suitcase labeled “Daylight Savings Drama.” The audience erupts in applause.]

Sammy: Standard Time, great to have you here! You’re looking sharp—like, literally, your hands are pointy.

Standard Time: [adjusts its clock hat] Thanks, Sammy. I’ve been keeping it together since the 19th century, but let me tell you, it’s not easy being this punctual.

Sammy: I bet. So, you’re about to take a little hiatus until November 2, 2025. What’s the plan? You gonna binge-watch The Great British Bake Off? Learn to play the harmonica?

Standard Time: Oh, I’ve got big plans, Sammy. First, I’m finally going to read War and Peace. I’ve been putting it off for, oh, about 150 years.

Sammy: That’s a long time to procrastinate.

Standard Time: Tell me about it. I’ve been too busy making sure everyone shows up to meetings 10 minutes late. But now? I’m free. I’m also thinking of starting a podcast.

Sammy: A podcast? What’s it called?

Standard Time: “Ticking Off with Standard Time.” It’s just me ranting about how Daylight Saving Time is a glorified prank.

Sammy: [laughs] I’d listen to that. But wait, you’re not going solo on this break, are you?

Standard Time: Oh no, I’ve got my sidekick, the Gulf of America, here to keep me company.

[The Gulf of America rolls onto the stage, wearing sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt, carrying a margarita.]

The Gulf of America: [waves] What’s up, Sammy? Standard Time and I are gonna hit the beach, catch some waves, and maybe start a band.

Sammy: A band? What are you gonna call it?

The Gulf of America: “The Tides and the Time.” I’m on vocals, Standard Time’s on drums—well, more like tick-tock percussion.

Sammy: [laughs] That’s genius. But Gulf, aren’t you supposed to be, you know, gulfing?

The Gulf of America: Nah, man. I’ve been holding it down for centuries. I deserve a break too. Plus, I’ve got a stand-in.

Sammy: A stand-in? Who’s covering for you?

The Gulf of America: My cousin, the Puddle of Despair. He’s not as big, but he’s got heart.

Sammy: [laughs] The Puddle of Despair? That sounds like a Netflix original.

Standard Time: [chimes in] Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. He’s great at reflecting existential crises.

Sammy: Fair enough. So, Standard Time, what else is on the agenda for your break?

Standard Time: Well, I’m thinking of taking up gardening.

Sammy: Gardening? What are you gonna grow?

Standard Time: Time zones. I’ve always wanted to cultivate a few extra hours. Maybe grow a 25-hour day.

Sammy: [laughs] That’s ambitious. But wouldn’t that mess everything up?

Standard Time: Oh, absolutely. But hey, chaos is my middle name.

Sammy: I thought your middle name was Precision.

Standard Time: [leans in] That’s just what I tell the clocks.

Sammy: [laughs] Classic. Now, Gulf, what about you? Any hobbies while you’re on break?

The Gulf of America: Oh, I’m gonna work on my tan. Maybe write a memoir.

Sammy: A memoir? What’s it called?

The Gulf of America: “Waves of Emotion: My Life as a Body of Water.” It’s got drama, romance, and a chapter where I almost evaporated in 2010.

Sammy: [laughs] Sounds like a bestseller. But seriously, aren’t you worried about missing out while you’re gone?

The Gulf of America: Nah, man. The ocean’s got my back. Plus, I left a bunch of sticky notes for the tides. They’ll be fine.

Sammy: Sticky notes? What do they say?

The Gulf of America: Stuff like, “Don’t forget to rise,” “Moon’s in charge,” and “If you see a hurricane, run.”

Sammy: [laughs] Practical advice. Now, Standard Time, what’s the one thing you’re looking forward to most during your break?

Standard Time: Honestly? Not having to deal with Daylight Saving Time. That guy’s a nightmare.

Sammy: [laughs] I can imagine. What’s your beef with Daylight Saving Time?

Standard Time: Oh, where do I start? He’s always showing up late, stealing my hours, and confusing everyone. Last year, he forgot to set his own clock forward.

Sammy: [laughs] That’s rich.

Standard Time: And don’t even get me started on his cousin, Leap Second. That guy’s a total wild card.

Sammy: [laughs] Sounds like a dysfunctional family.

The Gulf of America: [interjects] You think that’s bad? Try dealing with the Pacific. She’s always trying to one-up me.

Sammy: [laughs] Sibling rivalry?

The Gulf of America: Oh, it’s more than that. Last year, she stole my coral reef.

Sammy: [laughs] That’s cold.

Standard Time: [chimes in] At least you don’t have to deal with Time Zones. Those guys are always arguing about who’s more important.

Sammy: [laughs] Sounds like a soap opera.

Standard Time: Oh, it is. Eastern Time thinks he’s the boss, but Pacific Time’s always trying to take over. And don’t even get me started on Mountain Time.

Sammy: [laughs] What’s wrong with Mountain Time?

Standard Time: He’s always trying to be different. “Oh, look at me, I’m an hour behind, but I’ve got mountains.”

Sammy: [laughs] That’s hilarious.

The Gulf of America: [leans in] You think that’s bad? Try dealing with the Arctic Ocean. That guy’s always freezing everyone out.

Sammy: [laughs] Sounds like a real ice queen.

Standard Time: [laughs] Anyway, Sammy, I’m just looking forward to some peace and quiet.

Sammy: Well, you’ve earned it. Any final words before you go on break?

Standard Time: Just this: don’t forget to wind your clocks. And if you see Daylight Saving Time, tell him I’m on vacation.

Sammy: [laughs] Will do. And Gulf, any final words?

The Gulf of America: Stay salty, my friends.

Sammy: [laughs] Perfect. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Standard Time and the Gulf of America!

[The audience erupts in applause as Standard Time and the Gulf of America exit the stage.]

Sammy: Well, that’s all the time we have for tonight. Join us next week when we’ll be interviewing the North Pole about its plans for global warming. Until then, stay sharp, stay punctual, and remember: time flies when you’re having fun! Goodnight!

[Sammy takes a final puff of his binary cigar as the screen fades to black.]

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