An article from this week's Marshall Memo on when to quit
To Quit or Not to Quit, That Is the Question
????????????In this?Mind/Shift?article, Linda Flanagan describes a parent’s dilemma. A daughter who had previously loved and excelled at soccer is definitely not enjoying it in her first year in high school. She isn’t scoring as she did before, hasn’t connected with the coach, and is ready to quit mid-season. Should she be allowed to do that?
????????????Flanagan quotes decision-making expert and author Annie Duke (who used to be a professional poker player): “Quit is a four-letter word, but it shouldn’t be a dirty one… Success does not lie in sticking to things. It lies in picking the?right?things to stick to, and quitting the rest.”?
But it’s not that simple; several cognitive biases can get into our heads and distort our judgment:
-???Slogans and exhortations –?Winners never quit and quitters never win.?
-???Second-guessing –?What would have happened if I hadn’t given up?
-???The sunk cost fallacy –?I can’t abandon this after putting in so much time and effort.
-???The endowment effect –?I own this, so it’s more valuable.
-???The omission-commission bias –?It’s worse to commit a mistake than simply allowing an error to happen.
All these can push us to hang in there till the bitter end.
????????????Duke suggests several steps that can push back on these cognitive biases and help us make good decisions about whether to stick with something or quit:
-???Clarify your overarching, long-term goal and consider various paths for getting there.
-???Consider what bad outcomes might look like.
-???Spell out “kill criteria” – a list of signals that tell us it’s time to quit because the chance of a bad outcome is too high.
-???Write down a “state and date” deadline –?If I haven’t done X by Y, I’ll quit?– to force the decision by a specific time.?
Many people find it difficult to think about long-term benefits versus immediate costs and benefits, says Duke, and that’s especially true of teenagers, who tend to be impulsive and caught up in the here and now. Thinking through long-term goals and outcomes is a helpful process.
????????????In the case of the discouraged soccer player, how would you advise her? Since there are only six more weeks in the season, you might urge her to hang in there and make a long-term decision on whether to quit soccer at that point. In the interim, there are several questions she might keep in mind. Might she fall back in love with the sport? What signals might tip the scales toward soccer being her sport after all? Being more aggressive on the field? Clicking with her teammates? Being excited about practice? And what signals would point to the opposite conclusion? With those questions in mind, and a sense of agency over future outcomes, she could make a plan on how to make a decision in six weeks – with an alternative activity if she decides to quit soccer.?
“When Should You Let Your Kid Quit?”?by Linda Flanagan in?Mind/Shift,?June 5, 2023, summarized in Marshall Memo 995