Article 4: The Lonely Entrepreneur | The Isolation of Leadership

Being a leader in your business often means making tough decisions and bearing the weight of responsibility alone, which can lead to a profound sense of isolation. I remember reading a book around 17 years ago that was written by two priests who run a retreat centre for other priests struggling with addiction, depression, and other issues. They found that, especially in priests, their congregation sees them as infallible leaders of perfection, creating an image that others should strive for.?

They are only human beings like you and me with everyday troubles, and they run a massive risk of sharing their problems, fears and worries with members of their congregation. They have nobody to whom they can turn.?

I see a lot of similarities between priests and business owners because they have to be on the front, be strong, make the hard decisions, and help everyone else through their challenges while facing similar challenges themselves.?

It creates a tremendous emotional distance between you and the people around you, leading to loneliness.?

The Relatability Dilemma

This lack of relatable support contributes to the loneliness. My one mentor, a businessperson with a business worth hundreds of millions, once told me, “Willem, not many people play at this level. There is almost nobody I can turn to for guidance and advice. The only other people are my competitors” It is difficult to discuss your business and personal challenges at this level with someone who just started a business or someone with a much smaller company. There is little relatability. So even if you seek help, you have a good chance of not feeling heard while your troubles keep growing, which leads to loneliness.

Finding peers who truly understand the challenges of leadership can be difficult. We think a business owner can simply reach out to another one for help and understanding, which is not the case. The business type, the industry it serves, and the size make the situation unique. You are usually looking for others at the same level to turn to, which removes most of the people you can turn to. Still, if your industry is small and you are one of the top businesses in that industry, you have slim pickings.

One-Stop Answer Shop

As the person in charge, you're expected to have all the answers—not just the answer to what nobody else knows but also the answers to complex external challenges. You have to realise that you face a different challenge as a business owner. Not everything is your fault, but everything, absolutely everything, is your responsibility. This can increase the emotional distance between you and your team and lead to loneliness.

Stepping into Leadership

Having worked with many different business owners, I found that many needed to fully grasp that they stepped into a leadership role when they started their business. They thought they were now entrepreneurs and they could make decisions like cowboys, which, in some instances, rings true. However, growing a business with employees means entering a formal leadership position.

Operating and acting like a cowboy will lead to uncertainty within your staff and the business. Suppose you are perceived to be unstable and easily rattled, thinking only from moment to moment. In that case, you risk making your staff feel unsafe, referring to job security, and they might start looking for other employment. The challenge is that emotionally, you might feel like a tornado inside, but the exterior needs to reflect a calm summer's day.?

You are a Leader

I need to address business owners' views of entrepreneurship. In my coaching and mentoring practice, I found that many business owners see entrepreneurs as cowboys, lesser labels, and, in many cases, as non-serious.?

When you start a business, even if you are the only person in it, you must imagine yourself as the CEO of a massive company with hundreds of staff. This is not to scare you or put more pressure on you. It is to shift your mindset from cowboy mode and into leadership thinking. The earlier you step into your leadership role, the easier you will be able to face the challenges ahead.?

Will it reduce loneliness? I don’t think so. However, you at least now function from a place of reality and know the challenges that come with it, and you can start seeking the right help for the right stage of your business. Rather be real than live in a fantasy.?

I compare it to a man who just had his first child. There is a difference between being a dad and a parent. You have to be both. You have to be an entrepreneur with crazy-of-the-wall ideas and take spur-of-the-moment actions while being a stable, confident and calm leader.

The Need for Human Centered Entrepreneurship

We need a more human-centered approach to entrepreneurship and entrepreneurship development. We need to consider the human beings behind the businesses and their needs as much as we do the business's and the customer's needs. We will be unable to find, develop and grow the entrepreneurs the world desperately needs if we keep putting the business first.

Businesses come and go, but entrepreneurs should remain in the game. Don’t build businesses; develop people who can build businesses.

Tools You Can Start Using Now

As mentioned, I want to start the conversation and build from there. Everyone, absolutely everyone, will face this level of loneliness at some point in their life.

The best advice you can follow for now is to follow these three steps:

1. Recognise
2. Reach Out
3. Talk

Recognise

Acknowledge your feelings of loneliness. It doesn't make you weak or broken; it makes you human. It's okay to feel this way—it's completely normal.

Reach Out

Connect with a trusted friend, fellow entrepreneur, or an organisation that deals with mental health challenges. The internet can help you find local support groups or services. Family members can sometimes be tricky, as they may rely on your success, so try to lean on friends, especially those who understand the entrepreneurial journey.

Talk

Talking to others will make the loneliness more manageable. Instead of focusing on the negatives, work towards practical solutions and take simple steps to ease your loneliness. Sharing your experiences can lead to new insights and support.

Join the Conversation

The article series is to start the conversation. For that purpose, I created a simple form to which you can add your name and email. If enough people join the conversation, I will create a mailing list and start taking action to further this conversation.

If not, I will simply delete it, destroy any data contained within it, and move on. However, having seen the prevalence of loneliness in entrepreneurship, I doubt this will be the case.

Please follow this link to add your name

Resource List: Share Resources

Here is a link to another form where you can submit resources for entrepreneurs struggling with the effects of loneliness, depression, anxiety and more. I will publish this list as a separate article and build on it as it grows.

PLEASE: No marketing and self-promotion.

Follow this link to submit a resource

Help Others by Sharing

If you know someone struggling with this issue, please share this or any other articles with them. I appreciate your support. Let’s see where it leads.

The Whole Article Series

Article 1: The Lonely Entrepreneur | We Need to Talk About This More

Article 2: The Lonely Entrepreneur | The Burden of Expectation

Article 3: The Lonely Entrepreneur | The Burden of Performance

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Please follow me as I explore this topic further in a series of articles. Let's share our experiences and support each other on this journey.

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