Article 2: The Lonely Entrepreneur | The Burden of Expectation

Entrepreneurs often feel overwhelmed, isolated and lonely because they believe they must consistently perform at their best. Countless interviews with successful entrepreneurs highlight how much they gave up and sacrificed, and we assume we must do the same. Based on external inputs, we create this ideal persona of what an entrepreneur should look and act like and then try to be that.?

When we fail to live up to this fantasy of the perfect entrepreneur, we compare ourselves, leading to loneliness, isolation, and even self-loathing. Yet we continue to convince ourselves that we must be a beast that never sleeps, always thinks of business, and drives results 24/7, even though we experience it is impossible to be 100% effective 100% of the time. This can lead to feelings of guilt and shame, and we isolate ourselves even more.?

Our Not So Perfect Fix

We go to YouTube and watch motivational videos to help us fix this apparent failure in perfection. The motivational video tells us we must break through our weaknesses and plough forward, no matter the circumstances or challenges. The problem is that the video does not motivate you; it reinforces the persona of what the perfect entrepreneur would be doing in your situation. It runs the risk of pushing you into an even darker hole of despair, guilt, shame, and loneliness.?

I remember speaking to a friend, a fellow entrepreneur. He had some major business challenges, leading to two weeks of staring at his computer screen. The stress and pressure were so overwhelming that he could not see any way out. He did not call me for help, nope. I called him after realising he had been quiet. I noticed in his voice that something was off and started prodding, but only then did the truth come out. I am guilty of the same offence, not once, but many times.?

Incapable

The curse of the burden of expectation continues. We have seen and experienced slow days, bad days, “I got just short of shit done today” days and days where what was planned and what happened are as far removed from each other as North and South. Yet, we continue trying to panel-beat the world and ourselves to fit our image of how a day for the perfect entrepreneur should look. When it comes to changing the world, the world will win in most cases because you cannot control it.?

Admitting to anyone that you are not this image of perfection creates fears of being seen as less capable and less dedicated to the success of our business, driving more isolation and loneliness. Imagine sharing your knowledge of imperfection with people who invested in your business. Can you? What do you think would happen if you do?

Fear of Judgement

Not upholding the fantasy of the perfect entrepreneur can lead to fear of judgment by our peers if they had to find out how we actually operate on a daily basis. We assume that “They” are performing as perfect entrepreneurs daily and believe we must match them.

It is all just a house of cards. You meet with other entrepreneurs and can read the stress, failure, and panic on their faces. Yet they stand in a circle, talking about how much they are achieving. Rarely is anyone prepared to break the pattern and admit that “I am not getting this right. I feel like an absolute failure and about to collapse.”

Letting Go

Letting go of the image of what a perfect entrepreneur should be feels like coming out of the depths of a deep dark ocean, breaking the surface and taking in life-giving air. It's important to recognise and address our unrealistic expectations of ourselves and each other.?

There is a place to push yourself to perform, a place for motivational videos, and a place to learn from others who have succeeded. There should also be a place to be open and honest about what you are not and cannot achieve. Talking about it does not make you weak; you share a legitimate human experience of being over your head and struggling to breathe.

In my 25 years as an entrepreneur, I learned that work will never be done. It does not matter if you work 23 hours a day; more work will always wait for you tomorrow. It is not about doing as much work as possible; it is about doing the work that matters and doing your fair share every day. Eventually, you must shut down, walk, talk to your kids, make love to your husband or wife and just live life.?

Be kind to yourself. It starts there.?

The Need for Human Centered Entrepreneurship

We need a more human-centered approach to entrepreneurship and entrepreneurship development. We need to consider the human beings behind the businesses and their needs as much as we do the business's and the customer's needs. We will be unable to find, develop and grow the entrepreneurs the world desperately needs if we keep putting the business first.?

Businesses come and go, but entrepreneurs should remain in the game. Don’t build businesses; develop people who can build businesses.

Tools You Can Start Using Now

As mentioned, I want to start the conversation and build from there. Everyone, absolutely everyone, at some point in their life, will face this level of loneliness.?

The best advice you can follow for now is to follow these three steps:

1. Recognise
2. Reach Out
3. Talk

Recognise

Acknowledge your feelings of loneliness. It doesn't make you weak or broken; it makes you human. It's okay to feel this way—it's completely normal.

Reach Out

Connect with a trusted friend, fellow entrepreneur, or an organisation that deals with mental health challenges. The internet can help you find local support groups or services. Family members can sometimes be tricky, as they may rely on your success, so try to lean on friends, especially those who understand the entrepreneurial journey.

Talk

Talking to others will make the loneliness more manageable. Instead of focusing on the negatives, work towards practical solutions and take simple steps to ease your loneliness. Sharing your experiences can lead to new insights and support.

Join the Conversation

The article series is to start the conversation. For that purpose, I created a simple form to which you can add your name and email. If enough people join the conversation, I will create a mailing list and start taking action to further this conversation.

If not, I will simply delete it, destroy any data contained within it, and move on. However, having seen the prevalence of loneliness in entrepreneurship, I doubt this will be the case.?

Please follow this link to add your name

Resource List: Share Resources

Here is a link to another form where you can submit resources for entrepreneurs struggling with the effects of loneliness, depression, anxiety and more. I will publish this list as a separate article and build on it as it grows.?

PLEASE: No marketing and self-promotion.?

Follow this link to submit a resource

Help Others by Sharing

If you know someone struggling with this issue, please share this or any other articles with them. Thank you for your support. Let’s see where it leads.

The Whole Article Series

Article 1: The Lonely Entrepreneur | We Need to Talk About This More

Article 2: The Lonely Entrepreneur | The Burden of Expectation

Article 3: The Lonely Entrepreneur | The Burden of Performance

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Please follow me as I explore this topic further in a series of articles. Let's share our experiences and support each other on this journey.

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